Navigating the world of relationships can feel like walking through a minefield. Especially when you are dealing with a narcissist who turns love into an art form.
Love bombing is the process in which a narcissist showers you with affection and attention at the beginning of a relationship, often concealing their true intentions. It’s not about true affection but a calculated strategy to make you dependent on her.
I’m Tina Fey, founder of the blog Love Connection, and I’ve seen this happen countless times. And I’m here to help you spot the signs early.
So let’s dive into the eight things a narcissist does to bomb you at the beginning of a relationship.
1) Overwhelming affection
First things first, the narcissist seems to shower you with love and attention from the beginning.
This is not your every day “courtship phase.” It’s an intense and constant flow of affection that can feel flattering and exciting but is a red flag in disguise.
This love bombing technique is designed to make you feel special and desired and to make you believe you have found the perfect partner who is one step ahead of you.
But this is not about their love for you. It’s about control and manipulation. It is important to remember that this level of affection is not sustainable, nor is it rooted in genuine care or consideration for your feelings.
My advice? Take things slowly. If someone is rushing the relationship or trying to make you feel like you owe them because of their “affection,” it may be time to step back and reevaluate the situation.
A true partner respects your speed and limits.
2) A fast-paced affair
Another important sign of narcissistic love bombing is the speed at which the relationship progresses. It feels like you’re on the fastest rollercoaster ride ever, but it’s your love life that’s spiraling out of control.
I’ve seen couples who barely got past their first date before they discussed moving in together, marriage, kids—everything.
It may be exciting to think you’ve found your “soulmate” so quickly but remember: true love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.
So, if your new partner is pushing you to make big commitments early, it may be time to hit the brakes. It’s okay to take your time and let the relationship develop naturally.
3) They cannot make mistakes
In the early stages of a relationship with a narcissist, you may find that he or she seems perfect, perhaps too perfect. They present themselves as the impeccable partner who can do no wrong and always says and does the right things.
This is another love bombing tactic. By creating this illusion of perfection, they make you more willing to overlook their mistakes when they finally come to light.
I’ve seen this happen many times in my work as a relationship expert. It’s always painful to watch someone come to terms with the fact that the “perfect” partner they fell in love with was just an illusion.
In my book Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into these tactics and guide you on how to break free from such manipulative relationships.
Remember that no one is perfect. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. A relationship built on the illusion of perfection is not healthy or sustainable.
4) They are quick to share their past
Now, this may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t sharing past experiences and vulnerabilities a sign of trust and intimacy? Well, not always.
The narcissist may use his past to manipulate your perception of him. They may tell you stories about their troubled past or past relationships where they were the “victim.” The goal is to elicit empathy and make you feel needed.
It’s a form of emotional manipulation, designed to make you want to “save” them or fix their problems.
While it is important to be empathetic and understanding in a relationship, it is also important to not let someone else’s past dictate the course of your relationship.
5) Excessive gift giving
I remember one of my clients, let’s call her Emily. She was in a relationship with a man who showered her with expensive gifts all the time. At first, Emily thought it was romantic and generous of him. But soon she started to feel uncomfortable.
The gifts became overwhelming and seemed more like a commitment than a gesture of love. That’s when Emily realized the gifts were part of a love bombing strategy.
The narcissist will often use lavish gifts to gain your affection and make you feel special.
And while there’s nothing wrong with giving and receiving gifts in a relationship, if it’s over the top and makes you feel uncomfortable, it could be a sign of something more manipulative.
6) They are your everything
When you are with a narcissist who loves bombing you, he wants to be everything to you. Suddenly, he is not only your partner, but also your best friend, your confidant, your advisor, and the list goes on.
This may seem nice at first, but let’s be very honest here; It’s a strategy to isolate you. By positioning themselves as your “everything,” they subtly push away everyone else you care about.
A healthy relationship should make room for other relationships as well.
Your friends and family are still important. You don’t have to choose between them and your partner.
So, if you find yourself distanced from others because of your new love interest, take a step back and honestly evaluate why this is happening. Your world doesn’t have to revolve around just one person.
7) It mimics your dreams
Have you ever met someone who seems to have the same dreams and aspirations as you? It’s as if they have climbed into your mind and echoed your deepest desires.
I remember meeting a woman who was amazed at how compatible her partner was with her plans. It was as if he was cut from the same cloth. But in the end, I realized that it was all just a mirage.
The narcissist will often mirror your goals and dreams as part of his love-bombing strategy.
It creates a sense of compatibility and makes you believe that you are meant to be together.
8) They can’t stand without you
The narcissist who loves bombing you can’t seem to stand a moment without you. It is as if they are addicted to your presence and need constant communication with you.
Let’s be honest here. It’s not about them loving you. It’s about control and possession. They want to know your every move, every thought, every feeling.
It’s a tactic to make you feel appreciated but also to put pressure on your personal space and freedom.
A healthy relationship respects individuality and personal space. Your partner should respect your need to spend time alone or with others, just as you should respect their needs.
So, if your partner becomes upset or manipulative when you ask for space, consider that a red flag. A love relationship is not a prison; It’s a partnership.
finalthoughts
Dealing with a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult. But by learning about these love bombing tactics, you can protect yourself from manipulation and make more informed decisions about your relationships.
