If you think something might be wrong with your relationship, you might be right. You may just be a victim of psychological abuse.

Psychological abuse, although it does not involve any kind of physical harm, has a significant impact on your health and your future.

This sneaky form of abuse can creep into the way you think and act. Before you realize what happened, you’re already at your fingertips. Then, when you are completely damaged, you must pull yourself out of the trap and learn to heal. It is not an easy task.

A decade of abuse

For twenty years, I suffered from psychological abuse, but for me, it was different. I have already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety. This made going through the abuse more difficult.

My mental disorder had its own symptoms, and I leaned on my partner at the time for comfort and help. Instead of receiving the help I needed, he resorted to psychological brainwashing.

I was creating drama, I was attention seeking and I was purposely causing his life to turn into a living hell, or so he told me. The whole time, I cried alone at not being able to stop feeling and responding the way I did.

Instead of helping me ask for help, he used my situation against me. He did as he pleased and used my mental illness as the cause of my unhappiness and discord.

In the end, I was able to see things a little more clearly. I’m starting to get to know who I am and what I want out of life. The guilt he had placed on me for my reactions, outbursts, and depression began to melt away when I saw the truth.

He wasn’t worried about my pain, but more about the impact of the pain on his social life. I saw many things, but at first I recognized the signs of psychological abuse.

Psychological abuse is a hidden beast. It destroys because it builds itself

It was a process. First, I started picking up patterns. My partner would always use my bad days as opportunities to cheat, claiming I pushed him to do these things.

I started to see his expression change right before he created an issue between us, which he would then blame on me.

There were many signs of psychological abuse, and here are 8 signs of subtle abuse that you can look out for as well. I hope it will be useful.

The silent treatment

This type of psychological abuse makes the victim feel lonely and guilty at the same time. The oppressor sends a signal to the victim that they are angry and wronged. In truth, the offense probably wasn’t that great, even if it was wrong at all.

Anyway, the aggressor is silent, with that urban atmosphere around him. The point is that you have sinned and they want you to be afraid, wondering what punishment is being decided in silence.

Invalidation

If my abuser did something that made me unhappy, and I told him, he would say I was overreacting. He was going to say that what he did wasn’t that important.

Furthermore, he may be telling me that I am a person who should take stock of how I feel and that my feelings are wrong. Invalidating feelings is one of the abuser’s specialties. It doesn’t matter how the victim feels about something, it’s about retaining control.

The caller’s name

I am doing this. I call my partners names every time I fight with him and guess what, that’s unhealthy and mean. I know where this is coming from, it derives from times past when my abuser called me horrible names while insulting me.

Name-calling is one of the most common weapons of abusers. It’s the quickest and most brutal way to attack self-esteem. Once self-esteem drops, the abuser can continue with other tactics.

It’s a really heinous act, and I’m currently in the process of getting rid of this negative part of myself.

No apologies

Those who resort to psychological abuse are usually unwilling to apologize for anything. Even when they are clearly at fault, they find it difficult to reconcile their misdeeds, and it is easy to blame others.

They may even say that they are unable to apologize because they were clearly motivated by their actions or were sick. There are plenty of excuses a person can use to avoid apologizing when they should.

For the abuser, an apology is an admission of weakness, and this is not the image the abuser wants you to see.

Controllers, abusers, and manipulators don’t ask themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is their concern. They always say the problem is with someone else.
Darlene Ouimet

Possessive

Psychological abusers view their partners as an extension of themselves, or rather, the abuser’s fan club. This is distressing, and it can prevent someone from reaching their full potential.

When I was younger, I remember basing what I wanted to do on what my partner wanted. I would ask him how I should do my hair, how I should dress, and also force myself to like the things he liked.

But it was slowly killing my soul. On the other hand, it strengthened in this way, and when I began to break free, I became angry at my desire to be independent. Abusers like this are possessive and even see you as someone who can shine more of a spotlight on them.

intimidation

My physical health was affected by this arbitrary act. For years, I was intimidated by what my abuser might do to me or if they would leave me. For years, I had no idea I could do it on my own. Bullying can happen in many ways.

An abuser can threaten, block, or degrade you as a form of intimidation. Stealth forms of intimidation can be insidious, but if you’re strong enough, you can summon them. It might make them angry, but they will think twice before using it again.

Withhold intimacy

The reason abusers withhold intimacy is because eliminating this expression of physical love conveys the message that you are not worthy of affection. Apparently, you did something so wrong that letting you have intimate pleasure gives you strength.

The strength that the abuser fears is the strength of good self-esteem. An abuser doesn’t want you to hate yourself, but they certainly don’t want you to trust too much. Too much of this and they can lose control.

Irresponsible

Psychological abuse means being irresponsible and not trying to improve conditions for yourself, your colleague, and your family. If you refuse to get a job or buy food for your family, you are mistreating your family, plain and simple.

I remember begging for my son as a baby because my partner felt it was more important for him to get drunk instead. The days and nights, as I struggled with poverty, were some of the hardest lessons I learned about not realizing someone’s true intentions.

The abuse that came from the abuse

Right now, I’m fighting something very difficult. I have noticed past turning traits in my current relationship. I am ashamed to admit that I pick up on previously used abusive behavior.