Most people have difficulty getting along with their relatives. Your toxic relationship with your partner’s parents (or family in general) can become a war zone. When you don’t get along or you feel like your family is too imposing or rude, it’s natural to feel resentful and not want to be around them anymore.
Like it or not, his family will always be there, so you have to find a way to deal with the in-laws and deal with this discomfort. Your relationship with your in-laws doesn’t have to be perfect – or even happy.
But instead of screaming “I hate my in-laws!” You must work so that this does not put a burden on you or your relationship with your partner.
Related: 3 Signs Your Toxic Friendships Are The Real Cause Of Your Relationship Problems
Here are 8 small but powerful ways to fix your toxic relationship with your in-laws:
- Find common ground.
Your partner’s parents are incredibly religious, but you are not. They’re feverishly right-wing, you’re ferociously left-wing. These are the differences that are difficult to ignore. But remember, you don’t have to be best friends with your husband’s family or even agree with them.
What is important is to find common ground. Don’t focus on what divides you; Focus on what brings you together. It could be something simple, like ice skating or joining a sports team. Make these common topics and activities between you the core of your relationship with your in-laws.
- Plan an easy activity that both parties can enjoy.
You’ll have to see your in-laws occasionally, so instead of it being awkward, you might also find activities that you can all enjoy. If you don’t want to talk to them a lot, plan accordingly (for example, a sports game or a concert). This way, you can spend time with your partner’s parents, but for a very specific period.
Related: 5 Ways Letting Go Of Your Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life
- Have an honest conversation.
It may be painful, but sometimes the best thing you can do is clear the air. Let them know what is bothering you or what they have done to offend you. Don’t be overly accusatory or angry, or you will completely defeat the purpose of trying to mend bridges.
The best way to handle this type of communication is to suggest solutions to your mutual problems. If your in-laws come to your home often (perhaps unannounced) for your convenience, suggest reserving specific days to spend time with them. This way, they will have the time they crave with their baby but won’t suffocate you.
- Avoid talking about controversial topics.
Even if you have an open conversation, your in-laws may not change the way they interact with you. If they insist on bringing up painful topics, you must be able to maneuver around them.
Learn how to switch between conversation topics seamlessly. For example, if they keep asking you when you’re going to have a baby, redirect the conversation to what your partner was like when they were a baby. Every parent will take any opportunity to talk about their child, and you will succeed in avoiding a stressful topic.
- Plan your visits wisely.
If you really can’t stand the thought of being around your in-laws, plan group visits instead. Go out with your in-laws when they have other family members or friends over so you’re not their primary target.
If you can’t have his parents at the same time, plan to have dinner with one of them while the other is away or at work.
Related: 14 Signs You’re In Denial About How Your Toxic Relationship Is
- Set necessary boundaries.
The mere conversation may not be enough to change his parents’ behavior. If you need to, implement the rules and stick to them. Let them know what topics of conversation are off limits or how much they can bring into your marriage or partnership.
The important thing in learning how to deal with in-laws is to apply these rules, but do so as gently as possible. If you hesitate once, they’ll know they can break your rules more in the future.
- Ask your partner to talk to them on your behalf.
If all your efforts don’t reach your in-laws, ask your partner to reach out to them on your behalf. They are more likely to consider his feelings than yours. This is also an important option when you are trying to avoid heated conflict.
You can also communicate with his parents as a couple so that they know that you are united in your opinions and that the problem is not just you.
- Accept what cannot be changed.
Unfortunately, sometimes you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. If his parents are that uncooperative and stubborn, all you can do is accept it and learn how to handle yourself.
