Have you heard the expression “If you don’t lose friends, you don’t grow”?

Well, based on my existence for three and a half decades, I can confirm that this is mostly true.

When we’re young, things like popularity and image are valued. Hence, we tend to want to hoard social connections.

But as we mature, priorities change, sometimes radically.

We begin to realize that there are certain things in life that we could do without, like friends who drain your energy.

In this article, I’ll go over the signs that you’re dealing with a toxic friend.

Are you ready to unload excess baggage? Let’s dive in!

1) She is constantly negative

I’m not going to lie, I can be a little sarcastic, but these days, I also know my limits.

After all, the world is a dark enough place as it is: wars, corruption, pandemics, hunger, everyone fighting anonymously on social media.

Unless you are completely disconnected, it is difficult to escape the negativity of the world. Eventually, this stress wears you down.

In theory, the main reason we keep friends is because we enjoy their energy.

They may be funny or good storytellers, be loyal or just generally great people.

So when your friend seems to be extremely negative (i.e. constantly whining, nagging, and criticizing), it can get old very quickly.

I thought it would be exciting and wonderful to have a pessimistic character, and that I would channel the energies of my favorite TV and literary characters like Larry David or Holden Caulfield.

I soon realized that I had to start separating fantasy from reality if I wanted to have a thriving social life.

While I found my offbeat personality funny at first, I also noticed that most people turned away from me once the novelty wore off, not wanting to be associated with someone.

Which was always frustrating.

I don’t blame them.

It’s taken real effort on my part to be more fun, and I still have a way to go — but as my growing Facebook friend suggests, trying to change pays off.

2) They display manipulative behavior

Like any snake oil salesman, a toxic friend may have a primal motive to seek out your friendship.

Since toxic people often think of themselves first, they will subtly understand how your company can benefit them—be it financially, socially, etc.

If you are an easy target, let’s say very naive or weak-willed, then like a bull that sees the color red, they will not hesitate to attack you at full speed.

So stay on your toes – their various tactics, from feigning victimhood to guilt tripping, can be incredibly cunning.

You may be rich or famous, so a toxic friend may use this situation to gain influence.

In this case, they don’t really care about you as a person, but are just using their connection to you for their own gain.

I’ll end this section with another relevant aphorism: “Character is how you treat those who can’t do anything for you.”

think about it.

3) They don’t show support

There may be a toxic friend by your side when you’re feeling down; After all, misery loves company.

When you’re down in the dumps, you’re just a pawn to make them feel good about themselves.

On the other hand, notice those who truly congratulate you, are truly proud and supportive of you, when you achieve something worthwhile in life.

If you have a friend who is supposedly “good” and suddenly goes silent throughout your victories, that in itself is very telling.

Toxic people don’t want others close to them to succeed; They don’t want to be left behind.

Consequently, they may become envious and dismissive of your achievements, constantly downplaying their importance or ignoring them altogether.

At this stage, you are ready for bigger and better things in life, not unsupportive friends.

4) They violate your boundaries

As a living, breathing, independent human being, you are entitled to your share of boundaries.

When a friend repeatedly violates these boundaries with minimal remorse or understanding, it’s a red flag and a blatant display of disrespect.

As we all know, respect is the foundation of any effective friendship.

In my twenties, I had a drinking problem. I regularly got drunk to the point of oblivion.

I was fed up, and eventually decided to get sober, which was a real challenge, very difficult for me, but I was determined.

Being young and active, I still sometimes went to parties.

At these social occasions, some friends would routinely ask what I was drinking.

When they found out I had just a glass of tonic water with lemon in my hand, they were fired.

Clearly, “I’m sober” wasn’t a sufficient explanation for them, despite how insistent I was in my tone.

Sometimes, they would try to blame me for taking pictures with them.

I had to distance myself from this crowd – they often undermined my struggle with substance abuse and my goal of achieving complete sobriety.

In short, they didn’t really care about me or my well-being.

They wanted me to indulge in it in order to enhance their own momentary gratification, which is inherently selfish behavior.

5) They love gossip

Maybe I’m being a bit idealistic, but for me, when you tell a friend something in secret, they should keep that information to themselves.

Toxic friends often lack the integrity necessary to keep confidential information confidential; Their tendency to gossip overrides any idea of being a loyal friend.

They will give in to urges to spill the beans instead of protecting you. This makes them a liability and destroys any semblance of trust.

When you’re growing up, you want to surround yourself with people who make you better, and gossiping usually doesn’t fit into that pursuit.

The great Eleanor Roosevelt once famously declared: “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

Preach!

6) Unreliable

I’ll be honest, being untrustworthy is off-putting.

Why? Because it basically shows how inconsiderate a person is as a person.

Toxic people tend to put themselves first.

If you notice that a friend is constantly failing to keep promises or showing up abnormally late for meetings, it’s best to call them before things get out of hand.

One of my cousins used to always be at least thirty minutes late.

He always had a bunch of excuses: traffic, his car broke down, he had a fight with his girlfriend.

Although I used to give him a pass, I eventually realized that his lack of punctuality and urgency simply meant a lack of respect for others.

One time, he was late to a concert I had bought us tickets to, due to rush hour traffic.

I lost him.

I angrily told him that this was the last time I would invite him to anything.

Soon after, he started showing up on time for family gatherings. In fact, there were several instances where it was already early. I took this as a sign of improvement.

Sometimes, you need to rock the boat a little to get people to kick their toxic habits.

7) They make sarcastic or sarcastic jokes

If your toxic friend feels threatened by you, he or she may make sarcastic remarks in your direction, hoping to belittle you and make you feel small.

They don’t want you to get ahead of them, so they will do what they can to subtly attack your self-worth.

True friends want the best for each other, but toxic friends? Not much.

When you get fed up and express your dissatisfaction with their attitude, they act innocent.

They may describe you as “too sensitive” and their snide comments as nothing more than “harmless jokes.”

Go with your gut.

8) They are selective callers

This one is surprisingly common.

Does your friend only reach out when they need help or are going through something?

They may dominate the conversation, using any reactions as fuel to go on with one of their signature self-monologues.

In this case, you are nothing more than a glorified, unpaid psychologist.

However, the moment you bring up your own struggles, they shut down or turn their attention to Instagram almost immediately, sometimes giving you an unenthusiastic, monosyllabic response, at best.

Friendship should be about sharing, give and take, and acts of selflessness.

you deserve the best.

LastWords

no one is perfect.

Maybe your friend needs a wake-up call to see things clearly. So talk to them, and express your concerns carefully.

They too deserve the opportunity to change.

Who knows, maybe saving your union is still possible.

But if you’ve exhausted your attempts, and they’re still toxic, cut your losses and move on.