Contrary to popular belief, life isn’t that short. It can feel long, especially when you make the wrong decisions.
One of the most important decisions you can make is who you choose to be with.
In an ideal world, your partner should be optimistic, empathetic, and respectful. They should be your co-driver, not just a passenger.
When the balance of power is consistently one-sided, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change.
If you’re starting to feel like you’re more of an employee or a helper than an equal, for example, that’s cause for concern.
Once you’ve recognized these signs, you’ll be in a better position to take action.
We all deserve a healthy, loving relationship, and anything less should be eliminated.
Let’s get started!
1) You’re Always On Call
Does your partner treat you like an on-call employee?
Let’s say you’re busy or relaxed after a long day — it doesn’t matter to your partner, who fully expects you to be available at all times to run errands or respond to text messages promptly.
The girl I was dating had a particularly low threshold for stress.
When she was stressed, she would frantically call or text me, begging me to help her without being able to articulate how.
For example, if my phone was in the other room and it took me several minutes to answer, she would lose her temper, her texts and calls would multiply exponentially, and her tone would become increasingly intense and angry.
She didn’t care that I was busy with work or didn’t have my phone at that moment; if I didn’t answer within seconds, she would explode with rage. I needed to be at her command.
In short, once your partner starts showing disrespect for your independence as a person, and almost completely ignores it, I have news for you: You are his glorious assistant first, and his (distant) romantic partner second.
2) You’re always doing one-sided tasks
Real talk: If your partner seems to be constantly delegating to you tasks that he could easily do himself, the sad truth is that you, my friend, are his assistant.
Maybe you’re in bed and they ask you to bring them a glass of water or ask you to bring their phone charger to the living room.
Remember, there’s a fine line between being a supportive and helpful partner and being a downright servant.
If their hands are full and they ask you politely, you certainly have a good excuse to voluntarily bring them that charger without resentment.
However, if they ask you to do them a favor while they’re binge-watching movies or watching reruns of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you need to nip that behavior in the bud before it gets out of hand.
3) They’re Lack of Appreciation
If they’re extremely appreciative or grateful to you and make it known, that balances things out.
Sure, you may help more than your share requires, but at least you get credit for it. It may not be ideal, but it’s understandable.
But if they take your help for granted and rarely acknowledge your efforts, it simply means they deserve it.
Once this becomes the norm, you are reinforcing bad habits; you can’t allow this destructive behavior to continue.
Start demanding the kind of respect you deserve. You are their equal, not their servant or lackey. Your needs should be a priority, too.
If things don’t change, you know what to do.
4) They Have the Right to Communicate
The problem is that sometimes, it’s not the actual tasks that are the problem as much as the way they are delegated.
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Do they speak like a bossy dictator or are they polite in their interactions?
If their communication often feels like orders rather than something up for discussion, that’s just plain disrespectful.
You deserve better. It’s time to call out their indiscretions.
Simply put, it means they’re treating you like a lower-level employee, not an equal in the relationship. It’s time to take back your authority.
5) You Have Limited Decision-Making Authority
Speaking of authority, do they seem to make major decisions unilaterally without consulting or involving you?
If this is the case, it’s clear who’s in charge at home.
But it shouldn’t be that way—any healthy union in this day and age should have a teamwork dynamic, with both partners playing equally important roles.
Ignoring your partner’s input is a big red flag.
If things don’t change even after you talk about it, treat it as a queue to run—or at least a brisk walk in the opposite direction.
6) They Ask You to Do Personal Tasks
It doesn’t get any more transparent than this.
If they ask you to handle their tasks like scheduling appointments, organizing their schedule, answering personal emails, or returning their calls, you’re officially their assistant.
You might be better off being on their payroll and getting a job title for your LinkedIn profile.
Unfortunately, at this point, they see you as just a weakling, so it’s time to put your feet up and make your voice heard.
7) They Rarely Return the Gestures
I’ll be honest, there’s nothing worse than double standards in a relationship.
Ask yourself this: When you ask your partner for a favor, are they showing a willingness to contribute in the same way that you do?
If the answer is no, it’s not fair. Either they lack respect for you as a partner, or they’re inherently narcissistic—or maybe a combination of the two.
Regardless, this is not a great situation.
I remember in a previous relationship, my ex would make me watch her favorite TV show for hours on end. This went on for months.
Even though I wasn’t interested in the genre or subject matter, I would willingly respond and try to engage with her.
Sometimes, I would suggest that we watch something together that I was also interested in. She would either flatly refuse to watch or make up some excuse like a headache or being overworked.
It became clear to me after some time that her unreciprocated gestures indicated a power imbalance.
In hindsight, it’s no surprise that things didn’t work out.
8) You’re Feeling Burned Out
Bills, illness, politics, endless culture wars—life is stressful enough.
Traditionally, when you choose to be with someone, one of the main goals is happiness.
Your union should be a safe place, a point of refuge from the world’s troubles and troubles.
So when your partner stops being that; When it adds a burden to your life in the form of extra tasks or a generally bad attitude, you may start to feel overwhelmed.
This is no way to live and is antithetical to the role of a loving partner.
Your partner should not be a burden in your life. Nor should you enable this mindset.
Final Words
Admitting is the first step. The good news is that you’ve already reached that point.
Once you find yourself being treated like a helper, it’s wise to call your partner out before things get out of hand.
If you let things slide, expect resentment and other negative feelings to start building on both sides.
If this continues, you’ll eventually reach that point of irreversible toxicity.
The cliché is true: communication is the key to a happy relationship.
Express your concerns respectfully and kindly. If your partner values you and your relationship, with some work, you can expect them to change.
But if they don’t, it may be time to seriously rethink things.
