Do you know someone who seems to annoy you and make you angry for no reason? No matter what you do you can’t get it? You might be wondering if something you do makes them act this way?
Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, it’s not you. The bad news is that they will likely have an abrasive personality, and will be hard to manage.
What is an abrasive character?
A person with an abrasive personality annoys or annoys people. These are the people who rub others the wrong way and being around them can irritate them.
Although abrasive personality is not a medically diagnosed disorder, two types are known:
without self awareness (not knowing they are abrasive)
With self-awareness (they know, but they don’t care)
People with abrasive personalities tend to have a sharp tongue and don’t care who they hurt. They are very opinionated and usually only see things in black or white.
This type of person likes to think they are right all the time and feel superior to those around them. They’ll say things like, “I wouldn’t have done…” or “I wouldn’t have done…”
False personalities come across as gruff, “say it up” and “say it to your face” people. There is no filtering of their thoughts. They prefer to articulate criticism rather than accept some on their own.
8 Signs of an abrasive personality
- They are overly blunt and direct
You will often witness this type of personality saying that they prefer someone telling them directly or to their face. This is all well and good, after all, no one likes to be talked about behind their back.
But there is a way to be direct without annoying people. Most of us think about the consequences of what we say before we say it. We may consider it better to be kind than honest.
I have a friend with an abrasive personality. One time I was wearing a new coat and without prompting she told me she didn’t like the color, it didn’t suit me. I didn’t ask for her opinion. I told her I thought she was a little rude and she replied that she was just being honest.
This is the typical abrasive character. They think their honesty is an admirable trait.
- They are arrogant and domineering
A person with an abrasive personality tends to be bossy and arrogant. These people love the sound of their voices. They want to highlight them.
they will be the loudest in the discussion; The person who interrupts to offer their point of view. They will shut down other opinions with sarcasm or disdain.
As far as they are concerned, they are the best dog, they have the ultimate power in the matter and they don’t bother about what you think.
- They are always right
One aspect of an abrasive personality is that they always think they are right. Of course, we all like to think that, but these abrasive guys really take it to the next level.
They use black and white thinking when making decisions. In their minds, something is either right or wrong. There are no middle or gray areas.
We can’t all be right all the time. However, try saying that to someone with an abrasive personality. Abrasive people tend to be narrow minded in their thinking. Moreover, they will not listen to alternative points of view once they have made up their minds.
- They don’t listen
Speaking of not listening, I know being a good listener can be hard sometimes. I have to stop myself and focus on the other person, not thinking about phrasing my response while they are still talking.
But abrasive types don’t listen, stop. Your opinion does not matter to them. What they want is for you to stop talking so they can take center stage.
- They use their bluntness as protection
I think abrasive people, whether they know they are abrasive or not, use their blunt nature as a form of protection. Deep down, these people are insecure and vulnerable. Getting out with brutal honesty is tantamount to getting the first hit.
- They do not tolerate weakness or failure
Perhaps because abrasive personalities have a deep-rooted sense of insecurity, they are not particularly tolerant of vulnerability. If you really hate something, you won’t have it in your life.
I think Carl Jung’s Shadow Self explains this sign of an abrasive personality well. We hate the traits we see in others because they remind us of our own failures. These are failures that we may not be able to change or accept.
I think it’s the same with abrasive people.
- They cannot empathize
Because abrasive personalities are so focused on putting the spotlight on others or forcing their opinions on others, they lack empathy. This is not surprising when you think that they don’t care about people’s opinions or points of view. Why then should they care about how someone is feeling emotionally? - They don’t have many long-term friends
One interesting trait of abrasive personalities is that they lack long-term friendships. They may have friends, but dig a little deeper and you’ll find that these are very recent acquisitions and the relationships are just as shallow.
Usually, people have a wide range of friends. People they went to school with or worked with, in the past. Or friends of friends who have stayed in touch. They may not have many friends (if they are introverts for example), but the friends they do have will make sense.
As abrasive personalities put people off and annoy those around them, you’ll find that these people don’t stay around for long.
How to deal with an abrasive person
How you want to deal with the abrasive person depends on the situation and their relationship to you. I have a friend whose mother is abrasive and he decides to spend as little time with her as possible. She is now in her late seventies and is not going to change her personality.
The problem is that abrasive people think they are right and don’t listen to opposing opinions. So you’ve got your work cut out for you from the start.
But there are some things you can do:
Use facts and numbers, not emotion
You have to try to help the abrasive person see a different reality. Since they lack empathy, use logic and facts to show them.
For example, my friend’s abrasive mother was asked, in a matter-of-fact way, to speculate as to why no one had visited her, sent her Mother’s Day cards, or invited her to their homes. This stage is the most difficult because it may reveal their fears.
Use their intolerance of vulnerability to challenge them
No one wants to admit that they are a failure or that they have undesirable personality traits. But you can live up to the abrasive personality’s need for the spotlight.
Challenge them to change. Put her competitive nature to the test. Tell them you don’t think they’re up to the task. Abrasive people have big egos, so if you hit it right, you can use their egos to your advantage.
