Passive-aggressive personality is undoubtedly the most frustrating personality type.

By the time you discover that someone is being passive-aggressive, you’ve already thought that it’s you who’s gone mad.

Passive-aggressive behavior is defined as “the indirect expression of hostility through negative means.” So how can you spot a passive-aggressive person and control them before they drag you into their toxic behavior?

Learning to spot the signs of a passive-aggressive personality is essential. Here are eight of them:

1. Grumpy or whiny behavior

Not talking about the problem is a very passive-aggressive way of dealing with the issue. It gives the complainer the upper hand through their silence, but they’re not actually aggressive in nature. They’re simply staying quiet, yet by not communicating, they hold power in the relationship.

2. Failure to complete the task

Coworkers who consistently fail to complete the task or make mistakes may be doing it on purpose so that they won’t be asked to do it again. The right way to deal with this is to go to their boss and tell them that they feel like the work is beyond their capabilities.

3. They Say They’re Fine, But They’re Not

Have you ever had a friend who was always in a bad mood and whenever you asked them if they were fine, they just said in a sad voice, “Yes, I’m fine,” and then continued to be sad? Mature people are open about their feelings and don’t bother the rest of the group.

People with a passive-aggressive personality don’t want you to help them, they want to be the center of attention.

4. They’re always late but blame others

Have you ever witnessed that employee who is always late but always rushes, stressed, and blames everyone and everything for their lateness except themselves? That’s passive-aggressive behavior.

Why? Because as a manager you can’t blame them for the late bus, the crying baby that kept them up all night, and all the other good reasons they give. A good employee takes responsibility for being late.

5. Forgetting to “Do Something”

Deliberately forgetting to do something that puts you at a disadvantage is typical of a passive-aggressive personality. It could be something as simple as removing your name from an email list so you don’t receive an important document and look unprofessional in a meeting.

Or it could be forgetting to invite you to a social event at work. Of course, the beauty is that you can never prove they forgot.

6. Procrastination

It’s normal for a passive-aggressive person to procrastinate if they don’t want to do something. For most of us, procrastination is a subconscious decision. We don’t realize that we’re putting off a task when we have a task we don’t want to do, and instead find ourselves on social media.

For a passive-aggressive personality, procrastination is a very deliberate act. They won’t complete the task until the last minute, making the person who asked for it pay the price.

7. They give indirect compliments

You will never get a real compliment from a passive-aggressive person. They might say, “That dress looks great on you! I don’t think I could get away with it, I’m so skinny.” Or, “Wow, that’s really big for a starter home!” Or, “Well done on the promotion, it’s a shame our son didn’t qualify under the diversity program.”

A passive-aggressive person will always use your accomplishments as a way to draw your attention to their own accomplishments.

8. They make sad statements

Finally, the last passive-aggressive behavior is when a person wants something but doesn’t ask for it directly, but makes sad statements and hopes the other person will pick up on the clues.

For example, you are going on vacation and your friend says, “I’ve always wanted to visit Venice but I couldn’t afford to go.” This makes you feel guilty for taking a vacation and not inviting your friend.

A much better way for your friend to express their request is, “I love Venice, let me know when you plan to go again and maybe I can save the money and go with you?”

Why do people become passive aggressive?

Why do some people handle conflict in a passive aggressive way and adopt the toxic behaviors described above? There may be many factors, including childhood experiences and personality traits. Here are some possible reasons:

1. They weren’t given the freedom to express themselves as children

Like most behavioral problems, we have to look back to our childhood. Experts believe that children who grew up in homes where it was not safe to express their frustration or natural anger may grow up with passive aggressive disorder. For example, children who had controlling, abusive, or narcissistic parents.

These children learned very early on to use other channels to release their anger. As a result, when they grow up, they cannot face conflict in an open way or express their feelings freely.

2. They do not have a good connection with their emotions

When you do not know how to release your emotions, especially the negative ones, they poison you from the inside. Frustration and resentment constantly grow and when they do not find a way out, being negative and bitter becomes your second nature. You become a slave to your pent-up emotions.

This is when you turn into a passive-aggressive person and use this toxic behavior as the only way to release all the negativity inside you.

At the same time, it is worth noting that passive-aggressive behavior is not a trait of toxic personalities only. Sometimes, good people who do not handle their emotions well may have passive-aggressive traits as well.

Some examples include emotionally detached individuals or those with very reserved personalities. In other words, people who struggle to express their feelings and communicate the way they feel to others.

3. They are mentally weak

A mentally weak person can’t just face conflicts, obstacles, and difficulties. It’s a very difficult task. But do you know what? Everyone wants to feel strong, even those who lack mental strength.

So, the only way a weak person feels strong is through a passive-aggressive approach. It gives them the illusion that they have the upper hand in a relationship or conflict. By giving you the silent treatment, a passive-aggressive person feels like they’re in charge.

It’s not uncommon for these people to think that their passive aggression is actually patience and inner strength. In reality, it’s a sign of weakness and low emotional intelligence.

4. They are secretly angry and frustrated with life

As the name itself suggests, a passive-aggressive personality has to do with anger and hostility. It’s just the way these people release their negative emotions.

Remember the pent-up emotions we talked about earlier? Suppressed anger is one of the most toxic emotions. It is a very destructive thing that destroys your mental and physical health. It may stem from jealousy or general frustration with life. It eats away at you.

But like any other emotion, anger wants to come out and when you don’t let it out openly, it finds indirect ways. It develops into passive aggression.

A passive aggressive personality may be angry at the entire world for their failures in life. They tend to blame everyone and everything except themselves for all the hardships that happen to them.

5. They’re Jealous

Remember those indirect compliments? “Wow. I’m so glad you got a scholarship! When I was your age, I couldn’t.” You don’t need to be an expert to recognize the jealousy in these types of comments.

The truth is, passive-aggressive people are often noticeably jealous, too. They secretly hate you for your success while their own lives suck. Or they just envy you because you’re younger/smarter/more attractive than them.

This jealousy eats away at them from the inside out and the only way they can vent it is by giving people indirect compliments and sad statements.

6. They have low self-esteem

Passive aggression can stem from self-esteem issues. It’s a weak person’s way of feeling better about themselves. When they give you an indirect, unkind compliment, they see the confusion on your face. They know they’ve managed to make you feel bad. And in that very moment, they feel superior to you.

This is the only way a passive-aggressive person can feel better about themselves because having severe self-esteem issues equates to feeling inadequate most of the time. Passive aggression gives these people a temporary fix for that.

7. They Crave Attention

Finally, people with a passive-aggressive personality secretly crave attention. But again, they can’t get it in a direct, open way. So they use these types of tricks described above like saying they’re fine while having a sad expression on their face. In reality, they may not be sad at all.

All a passive-aggressive person wants is your attention and sympathy. They achieve the same result when they talk to themselves indirectly. Essentially, passive-aggressive people are emotional vampires who feed off of those around them.

Whether they manage to make you feel bad or get your attention, they receive an emotional response that gives them a kind of energy boost. And that’s what a passive-aggressive personality wants.

As you can see from the above, people with passive-aggressive personalities can be difficult to deal with. If someone in your life exhibits these types of behaviors, check out this article to learn how to deal with passive-aggressive people.

Does this sound like someone you know? Share your thoughts in the comments below.