Have you ever been in a situation where someone always seems to be the victim, no matter what? It’s confusing and draining, especially when they turn the tables to make you feel like the bad guy.

There I was, caught in the web of someone playing the victim so skillfully, I almost believed them.

But fortunately, I picked up on the signs, subtle signs that told me something was wrong. Today, I want to share these signs with you.

Let’s explore the eight ways emotional manipulators play the victim, so you can spot them before you get involved.

1) Selective memory

First, there’s the “I don’t remember this happening” trick. Have you ever tried to discuss a problem with someone, but they easily forget details that put them in a bad situation?

It is as if they have edited the past to fit the victim’s narrative.

I’ve been through this too, and suddenly found myself doubting my memory because the other person seemed so sure. It’s a trap designed to make you question your judgement, while appearing innocent.

The truth is, it’s a tactic. They remember well, but to admit it would shatter their carefully crafted victimhood.

So, the next time someone tries to rewrite history, stand your ground. Trust your own memory and your own version of events.

Keep records if you have to — screenshots, transcripts, or even a journal. By doing this, you are protecting your true self, making it difficult for them to play the victim.

2) Overdramatic

You know those people who make a mountain out of a molehill? The ones who turn a minor annoyance into a full-blown Shakespearean tragedy?

Yes, this is overdrama at its best.
I remember a friend who treated every disagreement as if it were a betrayal of epic proportions. She even turned a rescheduled coffee date into not valuing her time and “thinking I’m better than her.”

The thing is, this kind of overreaction is designed to manipulate you into feeling guilty, as if you were the villain in their personal TV series.

It’s as if their emotional sensitivity is always turned up to eleven, leaving no room for rational discussion.

Don’t let the theatrics get to you. Stay calm and try to bring the conversation back to a more realistic level.

Acknowledge their feelings, but also make it clear that they do not determine your intentions, values, or your own feelings. By refusing to join them in their drama, you make it difficult for them to continue playing the victim.

3) Evading responsibility

Have you ever noticed how some people are experts at evading accountability? No matter the situation, they find a way to blame someone else – usually you.

It’s as if they’re playing hot potato with responsibility, making sure they never do it again.

I was on the receiving end of this, and I was left confused, wondering how I ended up looking like the guilty party. They are so skilled at blocking the ball that you would almost want to applaud their skill, if it weren’t so damaging.

Next time this happens, call him. Gently point out that the problem at hand is theirs too, and it’s not fair to put all the blame on you or others.

By doing this, you disrupt the victim’s narrative and force them to confront reality, whether they like it or not.

4) Stumbling with guilt

Ah, the art of the guilt trip, a classic step in the emotional manipulator’s playbook.

They know how to push your buttons, making you feel so guilty that you’ll do almost anything to make up for it – even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

My ex once told me, “I’ve done so much for you, and you can’t even do this little thing?” And for a moment, I felt bad, like I was an ungrateful monster.

But then I realized: This was a guilt trip, a way to shift the focus away from the real issue. I had a good reason for not wanting to do him this favor, and he was sweeping my values and feelings under the rug.

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to live up to someone’s expectations just because they claim to have done something for you. Relationships are not a scorecard.

So, the next time you find yourself on a guilt trip you’ve never engaged in before, take a step back.

Evaluate the situation objectively and remind yourself that you are not responsible for another person’s happiness or self-worth.

5) Too much self-pity

There’s a difference between sharing your problems and wallowing in self-pity. The latter becomes painfully obvious when you’re dealing with an emotional manipulator who plays the victim.

They often present their lives as an endless parade of hardships, one that you are somehow obligated to attend.

They may say, “No one understands me,” or “I’m always the one getting hurt.” I knew someone who frequently resorted to this kind of self-pity, turning even positive conversations into a sad story about his suffering.

It can be emotionally exhausting to be around, and that’s exactly the point. The goal is to lure you into their pity party so that you are more likely to submit to their desires.

Next time you find yourself entangled in a web of self-pity, it’s okay to show compassion, but also set boundaries. It’s not your job to rescue someone from a state of perpetual victimhood.

Your emotional health is just as important, and you shouldn’t sacrifice it to support someone else’s narrative.

6) Emotional blackmail

You’ve probably heard phrases like: “If you really cared for me, you would do this for me,” or “I can’t believe you would hurt me like this.” These are classic examples of emotional blackmail.

The message is clear: comply with their wishes or face the guilt and emotional repercussions.

I remember feeling trapped by someone close to me, who used emotional blackmail to get his way.

He either conformed to their desires or was described as uncaring and cruel. The pressure was enormous, and I felt trapped.

But always remember: You don’t owe it to anyone to conform, especially if it comes at the expense of your values or well-being.

When faced with emotional blackmail, it is important to stand your ground. Explain that emotional coercion is not an acceptable form of communication.

This not only protects you, but also sends the message that playing the victim card will not work for you.

7) Avoid accountability

We all know the type: As soon as you raise a legitimate concern or point out a problem, they act as if you’ve stabbed them in the heart.

“I can’t believe you would accuse me of that,” they say, their voices tinged with hurt or disbelief. Unfortunately, one of my family members is very good at this.

So I’m well aware of the outcome: the conversation grinds to a halt, and they walk away without facing any real accountability.

Or it turns into defending your behavior, even if you had nothing to do with the situation, or apologizing for getting hurt or having feelings in the first place. (What?)

Don’t be fooled. This is a tactic to avoid confronting the music. If you encounter this, stay calm and stay focused on the problem at hand.

Remember, you are not attacking them; You are addressing a specific behavior that needs to change.

And if it doesn’t really work, you may just need to let it go. You know the truth, and your well-being is worth more than convincing the other person to agree with you.

8) Shift focus

Have you ever brought up something only to hear, “What about the time you did this?”

The moment you try to address a problem, they instantly remember something you did – sometimes a long time ago – as if it were a get out of jail free card.

They may argue, “I did the same thing and didn’t make a big deal out of it at the time,” or even say that you were the one who set a precedent for them to behave the way they did.

Either way, you suddenly find yourself on the defensive, your original point buried under a torrent of old grievances.

I’ve found myself in this trap more times than I’d like to admit, defending my past actions while the real issue gets lost in the shuffle.

The key here is not to get off track. Gently but firmly, bring the conversation back to the original issue.

Just because you made a mistake in the past doesn’t give them a free pass to behave badly now.

By refusing to let the conversation drift, you’re making it clear that two wrongs don’t make a right — and it’s time for them to stop playing the victim and start facing the facts.

Stop falling for the victim card

It is easy to get caught up in the web of emotional manipulation, but you are not helpless.

Now that you’re aware of these eight signs, you can stop being the supporting actor in someone else’s drama.

Remember that you have the right to stand your ground and speak the truth. Don’t let anyone play the victim at your expense.

Take back control and protect your emotional health.