So, you got into a relationship. Yay!
There is only one thing you can’t get out of your head. Something… Off. The relationship doesn’t turn out as it should, and the dynamic between you and your partner leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
If only you could put your finger on what it is…
Great news!
Today, we’re going to reveal the 8 relationship red flags that only highly perceptive people notice.
You know, the little things that might seem like a completely normal thing – until you start to care and realize that everything is not what it seems…
1) Pounding love disguised as affection
“I love you so much.”
“This is an expensive gift that I bought because you mean so much to me.”
“I left you twenty messages on WhatsApp, oops!”
“I want to see you today. And tomorrow. And the day after. How about a whole week?”
It’s not unusual to hear these phrases when you’ve been together for a while and are madly in love.
But if you just met five days ago…ouch. You might be dealing with a love bomber.
Love bombing is a term used for excessive gestures of love that tend to show up in relationships early on. It is also a manipulation technique. Your new partner showers you with love because he wants to secure your affection, putting excessive pressure on you.
Love bombing can be hard to register, especially if you really fancy the person back. But if you’re very perceptive, chances are… you can see it coming from a mile away.
And it does not suit you.
2) There is a lot of shock dumping going on
A guy once invited me to his party after we chatted online for a few days. We were obviously interested in each other, so I was curious as to what the evening would bring.
About two hours after I got there, he started telling me about something very painful that happened to him as a child.
(Side note: he wasn’t drunk.)
I sat there in disbelief. While I felt very sorry for him, I was baffled by his choice of me as one of his confidants—we had only known each other for a short time, after all.
But debugging can be more subtle than that. It happens every time your partner trusts you overly, sharing all the graphic details of their trauma without asking for approval.
At first glance, it sounds great – it means they trust you, right? It’s good to open up!
Unfortunately, dumping your crush can be another – often unconscious – strategy for securing your love and forcing a deep bond on you. Now that they’ve told you their darkest secrets, leaving the relationship becomes even more difficult.
The confidence is amazing. But it comes as a result of a real connection, not the other way around. Trust cannot be imposed.
3) Your encounters have never been asexual
If you’re in the honeymoon phase and can’t keep your hands off each other, it can be hard to recognize if there’s more to the relationship than just chemistry.
But the friendship part of your relationship is just as important — if not more so — than the sexual aspect.
Highly perceptive people notice when something is missing, something deeper than just jumping into bed and then Netflix and enjoying the rest of the day.
If there was no touching, would you still be entertained? Will your conversations be stimulating enough to keep you interested?
If your answer is no… it could be a red flag that this relationship just isn’t it.
4) Your partner does not have a growth mindset
Complain, complain, complain.
Negativity isn’t hard to miss. But when you’ve only been dating for a while, you might excuse it by thinking they’re “just going through a rough time”. Surely, it’ll blow over. Surely, this isn’t what they’re always like.
If you are very perceptive, you will not let such thoughts mislead you. You’ll see your partner for what they really are – someone who likes to complain rather than take action.
Someone who doesn’t have a growth mindset, which is the belief that your skills and knowledge can improve if you put in enough work.
Someone who will eventually drag you down a rabbit hole of pessimism.
The emergency lights glow red, signaling the ship’s departure.
5) You seem to be their only friend
Did I ever say that it’s hard to recognize the red flags when you’re in love?
Well, it’s worth saying again — these glasses aren’t just pink. It is red resistant. Kind of like diving to the bottom of the ocean.
The first few months are a happy bubble, undisturbed by the outside world. But the more you get to know your partner, the more you start to notice that they…they don’t really have any friends.
Don’t get me wrong, solitary people can be pretty amazing. But most of us have at least one non-romantic relationship to rely on.
If your partner doesn’t have friends, they will probably cling to you with all their might. This will easily tip the dynamic in an unhealthy direction, putting too much pressure on you and distributing energy unevenly.
6) Their friends have values that are fundamentally different from yours
Maybe your partner has friends. This is great news!
But if you’re very perceptive, don’t stop there. No, you look at how their friends act and what they say. You know that one’s friends can reveal a lot about a person.
He may act all hot with you, but if his friends talk horribly about women, chances are he’ll either join in or not call out when you’re not around.
Of course, you should always give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ask them what they really think of their friends and why they still hang out with them.
But if your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with the behavior of his group of friends even though you do, you may not be right for each other
7) You feel the pressure of unseen expectations
We’ve talked a lot about stress in this article, and for good reason.
Unhealthy relationships are not only about the obvious — cheating, excessive jealousy, verbal attacks — but also the atmosphere below the surface.
Your partner might be just as cute. They may go out of their way to make you smile, support your goals, and give you lots of affection.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t also make you live up to expectations you hadn’t previously subscribed to.
They may expect a little commitment very soon.
They may ask a lot of questions about where you are, who you are with, why and when you will be home.
Or they may make offhand comments about how important wealth is to them, letting you know that your career path is not suited to the lifestyle they desire.
It’s the little things that matter in the long run, and if a relationship is making you feel like you can’t take a deep breath, there’s something wrong going on underneath all the smiles and flattering words.
8) Everything seems to be a bargain
I once dated a guy who said, “You never do anything for me. I bought you flowers, took you out, and constantly complimented you. All you did was buy me a cake.”
We’d been seeing each other for about three weeks in total at that point.
I thought it was a rather nice pie. But pancakes aside, it soon became clear to me that his love wasn’t real. were transactions. I give you this, give me that. I do this, you do that.
It’s a bit like dealing with each other, except we trade flowers and cake and decide which is more valuable.
A partner who truly loves you won’t remind you of all the things they’ve done for you and won’t expect you to return the favor. Their love comes from the goodness of their hearts.
They love you, so they give you. Sometimes, love is that simple.
