The old saying “a leopard can’t change its spots” is a great way to describe a narcissist.
This common saying can describe a person’s personality, saying that they will not change, even when they pretend to. Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist or is close to one knows how they promise to change, but it never happens.
As with any treatment, you need to make the narcissist aware of their condition and want to change. This can be considered an addiction, an alcoholic or drug addict will not be able to change and get rid of the addiction without wanting to do so themselves. This is also true for narcissists.
This means that the narcissist needs to be motivated to change in order for any treatment to be successful. There are very few cases where narcissists change, but they need motivation and dedication to do so.
Why Narcissists Can’t Change Their Behavior
Even with ongoing treatment and counseling, narcissists will always struggle with their behavior. If they want to change, they can go to therapy to learn how to identify problematic behavior patterns. But Narcissistic Personality Disorder will always be a part of their life.
- Extremely Selfish and Self-Concerned
Narcissists have a heightened sense of importance. They are extremely selfish and self-concerned.
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They only think about themselves and their feelings. They are also extremely stubborn. As a result, change is very difficult for them, because they see nothing wrong with their actions.
For a loved one, this can be very difficult. You can try to talk to the narcissist and explain their behaviors, but they will not see it your way. To change, the narcissist needs to see how their behavior hurts others and be motivated to go to therapy to change.
- Never Wrong
Narcissists have a false sense of entitlement and believe they are never wrong. They will use everything in their manipulative arsenal to prove that they are right. They believe their feelings are facts, which makes it difficult for them to change their behavior for the better.
If they strongly believe that they are always right, they will never admit that they have a problem in the first place. Therapy will be pointless without them seeing their destructive behavior.
- Arrogance
Anyone who has been in contact with or in a relationship with a narcissist knows how important they are. When they believe they are more important than anyone else, including their spouse, they will not admit that they have a problem.
Again, this makes it very difficult to help a narcissist see their manipulative and destructive behavior and seek treatment.
- Lack of Empathy
The most sad truth about dealing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy. They do not care about the feelings of others. This makes them extremely dangerous to live with, causing emotional damage to their loved ones.
When it comes to changing their behavior, a narcissist needs to see what they are doing to others, how they are hurting their loved ones, or the emotional abuse they are causing. Without empathy, they will not be able to change.
- Sense of Entitlement
Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have a sense of entitlement. Narcissists believe they are superior to everyone else and deserve special treatment. This is reflected in their relationships, family life, and work life. They deserve everything they do.
When someone believes they are superior, deserve special treatment, and only think about themselves and their feelings, they will not change their behavior.
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If you criticize a narcissist’s behavior, you can expect a lot of abuse in return, because they are the ones who deserve it, not you.
- Don’t recognize their abusive behavior
Because of their lack of empathy, selfish behavior, and sense of entitlement, narcissists will never realize that their behavior is hurting those around them. Unfortunately, they believe that everyone, including their loved ones and family members, is inferior to them.
If you don’t recognize their abusive behavior, they will not change. Even trying to explain to them that they are hurting you emotionally will not help; they will twist the truth and blame you.
- They Don’t Believe They Have a Problem
You can try to get narcissists into therapy, but it won’t help. They don’t see their behavior as a problem. They don’t believe they have a problem at all. Their false sense of self-importance makes them believe they are always right.
As a result, this makes it extremely difficult for narcissists to change their behavior, even with ongoing therapy.
- They Believe Their Life Is Perfect
Narcissists aren’t born with it, they develop their narcissistic traits over a period of time. Yes, it’s a personality disorder and they believe their own lies. They will lie to get what they want and stay in control of their relationships. In their eyes, their lives are perfect.
This is due to their lack of empathy and a heightened sense of entitlement. When you think everything in your life is absolutely perfect, why would you need to change?
Because of their lack of empathy, they don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they see themselves as more important than anyone else. This in turn makes it almost impossible for them to change their behavior for the better.
NarcissisticTraits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It’s not uncommon to think you’re living with a narcissist who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, when in fact, they have narcissistic traits. The difference determines whether they’re willing to change their behavior.
Most people have some narcissistic traits at some point. Those who don’t have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but show occasional narcissistic traits are more likely to see that they have a problem and be open to treatment.
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People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are unlikely to see that they’re the problem, and they always blame everyone else. They refuse to reveal their vulnerable side, and therefore, they’re unlikely to ever change their behavior.
Don’t Try to Change a Narcissist
If you realize that your spouse, loved one, or family member is a narcissist, don’t try to change them. First, the narcissist doesn’t like to be called a narcissist. Second, he believes he is right and you are wrong, and that you are not as important as he is.
Narcissists use a variety of harmful behaviors to get what they want. They can quickly turn the tables on you, making you wonder if you were ever at fault for accusing them in the first place. If you try to change a narcissist, and berate them for their behavior, it will likely make you feel worthless and useless.
