Interacting with a narcissist feels like you’re one step away from complete disaster. You won’t be entirely sure what to say will elicit the reaction you want or the one you don’t want. This is why it is important to learn effective language and techniques when communicating with narcissists.

We’ll take a look at eight phrases that shut down narcissists. It is effective in everyday conversation and is based on many common situations. These are the phrases that disarm narcissists and, hopefully, send them packing. From there, you can put boundaries in place to ensure they stay out of your life in the future.

What not to say to a narcissist

But before we get there, here are some common phrases that are often used to “stop” a narcissist:

We each have the right to our own opinions.
I’m sorry you feel this way.
I don’t like the way you talk to me.
I can accept what you feel.

Do any of these sound familiar? They are common phrases that many articles encourage you to use in conversation with individuals experiencing severe conflicts. But it is not effective when you want to disarm the narcissist. It seems funny and silly to the narcissist and may incite them further.

Some narcissists, when you say things like that, they don’t know how to react because that’s not their way. They don’t think in diplomatic or civic terms. So using these phrases makes you seem a little strange and weak in the eyes of the narcissist.

The only caveat here is that if you are in court or in a legal scenario where you are being watched, these statements could be considered diplomatic and civil. Otherwise, they will make the narcissist laugh under their breath.

Well, that’s not what you should do. Here are eight true statements that disarm narcissists and cause them to repel and shut down.

1. “I’m going to need your help paying the bills.”

Narcissists love their painful stories. They will say what they need to tug on your heart to extract some money because of a bad situation like losing a job. But job loss or other financial difficulties aren’t just because they’ve fallen on hard times, it’s because their personality doesn’t allow them to keep a job!

This is the type of narcissist I call The Moocher.

If this particular narcissist can last long enough to get a college degree, he will eventually become useless as The Moocher destroys all opportunities in his field due to his sketchy employment history and tendency to quit at the slightest provocation.

They struggle to stay in their jobs because they can’t stand authority figures, and they see any kind of constructive criticism or feedback as a personal attack.

Therefore, they are not responsible enough to hold down a job, take care of their home, or complete their financial responsibilities. So, when you talk about sharing bills or paying part of the bills, it will be closed.

2. “My doctor gave me some disturbing news.”

Many narcissists will be triggered by this kind of news. They are not the type of person who wants to stay and help you during a health crisis.

However, some may keep hoping that you will be sick enough to die. Hence, they may benefit from your assets through inheritance. So, this news may prompt them to start planning what they will do.

However, based on my history of working with victims of abuse in my coaching practice (and my own experience), it is clear that they will not be there in your time of need. So, if you share bad medical news, she will be completely disarmed and repulsed.

3. “My savings are almost gone.”

Like statement number one, many narcissists are averse to any talk of financial responsibility. However, some narcissists are well-off and use their money to control or manipulate people.

Others live life by exploiting and stealing from people. If you use this phrase with this type of narcissist, it indicates that they will have to look elsewhere for financial support – they will need someone else to exploit!

4. “You are going to be a father.”

Not only are narcissists bad parents, but they also don’t want the responsibility of caring for the child. This kind of responsibility is not something most narcissists are looking for.

If you end up having a child with a narcissist, be prepared that he or she will set your child up for a life full of trauma. Furthermore, narcissistic parents often spend obscene amounts of time grooming and gaslighting their children, so that when their children grow up, they can turn them against the other parent. So when you see narcissists who seem like good parents, even though they’re usually terrible human beings, it’s nothing more than grooming, gaslighting, and conditioning.

5. “Let’s go on vacation together.”

What does vacation mean for a narcissist? commitment. The very idea of ​​commitment repels narcissists, as they are not interested in it! So, vacation is often not something the narcissist enjoys, because it indicates too much commitment, mainly because it deprives them of taking care of their other supplies.

However, if you are in the middle of the love-bombing period of a new relationship with a narcissist, he or she may be smiling a happy face while on vacation. They might work on making it great. But, once the love bomb period is over, they will drop you and become indifferent.

6. “I will let my sick mother or father move in with us.”

Narcissists love to be the center of attention. So, if you tell them that your sick parent is moving in with you, it’s a sign that you’re not available to meet their needs 24/7 – you have other priorities. This will result in the narcissist not being able to get what he is looking for and he may want to move on.

The only exception to this is if the narcissist believes your sick parent may die soon. If this is the case, they may start scheming and scheming, trying to maneuver a way to get money out of the situation.

But since this is not the most common scenario, the narcissist will not be happy with a new arrangement that distracts from them.

7. “I have a problem and I need your help solving it.”

Narcissists are not here to help but to exploit and manipulate. So, if you call them to help you, they will shut down in response. They may give you a corny and corny response, but they won’t be emotionally invested in helping you.

Helping others takes energy, and narcissists are already directing their energy toward their schemes and betrayals, and they are generally unable to change course and help you.

8. “We need to talk.”

This is a signal to any relationship that something is going on. But it specifically indicates the narcissist that you are going to confront. Maybe you caught them in a lie, betrayal, or affair. Or they didn’t stick to their word to pay the bills or go get a job. Whatever you want to talk about, this is one of the most effective phrases that disarms a narcissist.

This phrase means it’s time for damage control, they need to cover their tracks to preserve their sources of supply. It may be too complicated, so they may give up on you at this point.