Dealing with the emotional landscape of a hurt man can be like walking on eggshells. Things can get tense, and sometimes, your words can inadvertently do more harm than good.
You may find that certain phrases trigger unexpected reactions of anger, sadness, or withdrawal. This doesn’t mean he’s overly sensitive, but he’s dealing with some emotional wounds.
Emotional wounds aren’t a matter of choice. They often stem from trauma or difficult experiences.
Being around an emotionally hurt man can present unique challenges. However, understanding how to communicate effectively can make a big difference.
To that end, here are 8 phrases you should never use around an emotionally hurt man, according to psychology. It’s a guide to more mindful communication, based on psychological principles.
1) “Get over it”
This phrase can minimize his feelings and experiences, making him feel like his emotions aren’t important or valid.
Imagine you’re dealing with a deep emotional wound. You’re struggling, and someone simply tells you to “get over it.” It sounds like a dismissal, doesn’t it? It’s like telling someone with a broken leg to start walking.
Emotional wounds are not something that one can simply “get over.” They often require time, patience, understanding, and sometimes professional help to heal.
Using this phrase can make someone feel unheard and misunderstood. It can also further isolate them, leading to more emotional distress. Instead of helping them heal, this phrase can only deepen their wounds.
2) “You’re so strong”
This is often meant to encourage resilience and courage. But this phrase can be problematic.
When you tell someone they’re strong, it can mean expecting them to always be strong, to bottle up their feelings and keep moving forward. This can put additional pressure on an emotionally wounded person to hide their feelings, rather than express them.
Emotional wounds need to be acknowledged and nurtured, not suppressed. The phrase “you’re so strong” can inadvertently discourage openness about emotional struggles.
A study in the Journal of Social and Personality Psychology suggests that people who communicate openly about their emotional struggles are better able to manage stress and recover from emotional setbacks.
Instead, consider saying something like, “It’s okay to be upset about this,” or “Your feelings are valid.” This can foster a healthier conversation about emotions and reinforce that it’s okay to express vulnerability.
3) “I know exactly how you feel”
It’s natural to want to connect with someone in pain by sharing your own experiences. But telling an emotionally hurt person, “I know exactly how you feel,” can be harmful.
Everyone’s emotional experience is unique. Even if you’ve been through a similar situation, your feelings and reactions may not mirror his or hers. This statement can come across as condescending and dismissive of his or her individual experience.
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According to studies, empathy is most effective when we acknowledge that we can’t fully understand someone else’s experience. Try saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.”
4) “At least it’s not worse”
While it may seem like you’re trying to offer perspective or look on the bright side, saying “at least it’s not worse” to an emotionally hurt man can inadvertently minimize his pain.
This phrase suggests that he should be grateful that things could be worse. But the truth is that pain is not a competition. What matters is how he feels, not how his situation compares to others.
Instead of comparing his situation to something worse, acknowledge his feelings. A phrase like “It sounds really hard, and I’m here for you” can make a big difference. It shows that you recognize his pain without belittling it.
5) “Time Heals All Wounds”
It’s a phrase we’ve all heard, and probably used before: “Time heals all wounds.” It’s a well-meaning phrase, meant to offer hope that things will eventually get better.
However, for an emotionally hurt man, this phrase may not be as comforting as it’s intended. It may mean that he simply needs to wait for things to get better when in reality, healing often requires active effort and support.
Instead of passively waiting for time to do its work, it can be helpful to actively engage in the healing process. Instead of this statement, consider saying something like, “It’s okay if it takes time to heal. I’m here for you through the process.”
6) “You have to get through this now”
It imposes a timeline on the healing process, which is highly personal and unique to each individual.
I once knew a man who unexpectedly lost his job. Months later, he was still struggling with the emotional impact.
His friends couldn’t understand why he wasn’t over it, and they often told him that he should be over it by now. This made him feel guilty and misunderstood, which further complicated his recovery.
Healing doesn’t follow a set timeline. Everyone moves at their own pace. A better approach would be to say, “Take all the time you need to heal, I’m here for you no matter what.”
7) “You have to get out of this”
While this may come from a place of encouragement, telling an emotionally wounded man to “get out of this” can be unhelpful and even harmful.
Emotional wounds aren’t something one can get out of easily. They require care, patience, and time. Telling someone to get out of this reduces the complexity of their emotions.
A study published in Current Opinion of Psychiatry found that emotional support and understanding from loved ones significantly contribute to emotional recovery for individuals experiencing psychological distress.
Ignoring their feelings or urging them to change quickly can lead to increased feelings of isolation and stigma.
Instead of pushing him to quickly change his emotional state, gently encourage him to seek help if he hasn’t already.
8) “Other people have it worse”
Perhaps one of the most important phrases to avoid is “other people have it worse.”
While it may be true that there are always others who are going through more difficult situations, this phrase can make an emotionally wounded man feel like his pain isn’t valid or important.
What he’s going through matters, regardless of how it compares to the struggles of others. His feelings are valid, and comparing his situation to the experiences of others isn’t helpful or therapeutic.
Instead, let him know that what he’s feeling is understandable and that you’re there for him. A simple statement like “What you’re going through sounds hard, and I’m here for you” can be affirming and supportive, reinforcing the importance and validity of his emotions.
Conclusion
Understanding how to communicate with an emotionally wounded man is a vital skill, and it’s not just about choosing the right words.
It’s about recognizing and validating their feelings, offering support, and creating a safe space for them to express their feelings.
Everyone’s healing journey is unique. What’s most important is being there for them in a way that’s consistent with their needs and respectful of their feelings.
