We humans are very smart.

Sometimes, we feel like something is not right about someone we know.

Sometimes, it happens quickly. Other times, it takes some time to realize what is happening to us.

But no matter how long it takes, the feeling is the same.

We can only know when something isn’t quite right.

If you’re here reading this, you probably have that feeling right now about someone you know.

Maybe you’re reading some of their behavior, or feeling a little uncomfortable about some of the things they’ve said recently.

If this sounds right, let’s check for sure if your suspicions are correct.

Here are 8 phrases manipulative people use to make you feel guilty — so you can put an end to their control over you once and for all.

1) “You made me do this”

Repeat after me: You are the only person responsible for your behavior.

You are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior.

No matter what you say or do, the person who did the action decided to do it. Neither you nor anyone else.

When someone tries to blame you for something they did, it is a manipulation tactic designed to make you feel guilty for their actions.

For example, a manipulative person might say something like:

“You made me cheat on you because you gained weight.”

or:

“I wouldn’t have cheated on you if I had taken more care of your appearance.”

But the truth is, it’s not your fault at all. It’s their fault. They did it and they are the only ones who need to take responsibility for their actions – not you.

2) “If you loved me, you would.”

The important thing to remember in life is that you can love someone and still have boundaries.

Just because you care deeply about someone, you won’t have to do things that you don’t feel comfortable doing.

For example, if you care about a friend, you don’t have to give him all your salary every month just because he asks for it.

Or if you love your partner, you won’t have to sleep with him whenever he wants to if you’re not in the mood.

Why? Because you are allowed to have your own boundaries in love, friendships, and relationships. And how you love someone is not defined by how much you give them.

But a manipulative person won’t like it when you tell him no. They will try to make you feel guilty for having boundaries.

They may say:

“If you loved me, you would give me all your money instead of being selfish and spending it on yourself.”

Which is frankly manipulative!

3) “You don’t want to hurt me, do you?”

Manipulative people manipulate your emotions to get you to do what they want.

They probably know that you are a compassionate and caring person who does not like to hurt the people you love.

So, they will use your empathy against you to make you do what they want.

Let’s say you were about to go out with friends and your partner was jealous about it. They may tell you:

“If I go, he’ll hurt me. You don’t want to hurt me, do you?”

Because you don’t want to hurt them, you may not go out with your friends. But this is toxic behavior from someone trying to manipulate you.

Maintaining your friendships is important for your well-being, physical health and even your romantic relationships, according to experts.

If someone tries to stop you from seeing your friends or family because it will “hurt them,” that is toxic and controlling behavior.

4) “I’ve already said I’m sorry, what more do you want from me?”

Have you ever been in a situation where someone apologizes to you for doing something, but you don’t feel better?

I know I have.

My ex boyfriend was constantly doing things to hurt me. And each time, he just apologized and expected that to be enough.

He didn’t want to talk about it or didn’t want to know what was causing the pain. He didn’t even want to explain why he did it – so I could understand his point of view.

It took a while for me to realize that it was because he had no intention of changing his behavior. Why him when he can just apologize and get away with it every time?

If someone says this to you, this could be a very bad sign. This could be a way to make you feel guilty for feeling hurt by something they did – and for not getting over it quickly enough.

5) “You’re making a scene”

This can cut deeply. It’s actually similar to someone telling you that you “embarrass” him when you’re with him.

Telling someone they’re angry when they’re upset is a terrible thing to say to someone anyway, but it’s also very manipulative.

It can be used as a way to keep you calm and not show any feelings about something he did to hurt you.

Let’s say your partner says something mean to you at a party and you start crying. They tell you:

“You’re making a scene” – and soon she stops crying and starts socializing at the party.

Which is exactly what they want. They want you to feel embarrassed by your behavior, when in reality they are the ones who should be embarrassed by their behavior.

6) “Why can’t you be like [someone else]?”

Another thing manipulative people do is compare you to others in your life – and not in a good way.

Let’s say you’ve recently gained weight and your partner says:

“Why can’t you be like [person’s name]? They are very athletic and always manage to maintain their weight.”

This is a manipulative statement designed to make you feel guilty and ashamed of who you are. To make you feel that you are not good enough, and that others are better than you.

7) “Are you calling me a liar?”

There is a moral consensus that it is bad to be a liar. Lying is one of the things that most people hate.

But everyone lies sometimes. It is generally acceptable to tell white lies in certain situations, such as to protect someone, avoid hurting them, or keep a secret.

Just because someone tells some white lies, doesn’t mean they are a “liar.”

But calling someone a liar is not considered nice. This means that you are questioning their integrity and honesty.

Even a liar won’t like that. So, they’ll try to make you feel guilty for calling them something so terrible – and they’ll wonder if that’s really what you’re doing.

8) “I think I’m just a bad person in your eyes.”

“Just because someone does something bad, it doesn’t make them a bad person.”

This is a narrative we are often told, but it can be very harmful when used in the wrong context.

It can be used very innocently and appropriately. For example, if you make a mistake at work or slip up and say something that hurts someone that you later regret, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

But it can also be used to explain someone’s behavior when they are actually very toxic.

Because someone can still hurt you even though they are not a “bad person.”

However, a manipulative person will ignore your hurt and try to make you feel guilty by calling them (the person you care about) a “bad person” – rather than addressing the problem.

finalthoughts

Spotting a manipulative person is not always easy.

After all, they are manipulative – their goal is to make you doubt yourself for them.

But what a manipulative person hates most is when you are wise to his behavior.

When you realize that someone is manipulating you (at least trying to), you regain control of the situation.

And you can do whatever needs to be done – whether that’s excluding them from your life, calling them out, or just being careful when you talk to them.