Have you ever had someone say something that made you feel bad or unsure about yourself?
Sometimes people use difficult words to make others feel less confident. It’s as if they know just what to say to make you doubt yourself.
But why do they do that? How can you detect when it happens?
In this article, we’ll talk about 8 common things people might say to make you feel this way.
These are phrases that some deceptive people use to try to control or manipulate you.
By recognizing these things, you will be better able to quickly tell if someone is trying to attack you.
Let’s start and find out what you should pay attention to.
- “You’re too sensitive!”
Have you ever heard someone tell you that you’re too sensitive after they said something hurtful?
It’s a tricky way to make it seem like the problem is you, not what they said.
By telling you that you are “too sensitive,” they are trying to make you feel guilty for your feelings.
This statement places the blame on you and takes the focus away from what they did or said. It’s as if they’re saying, “I didn’t do anything wrong; you’re just overreacting.”
If someone says this to you, remember: It’s okay to have feelings, and it’s okay to let others know when something is bothering you.
You are not “too sensitive.” you are a human!
By recognizing this phrase, you can stand strong and not let it shake your self-confidence.
- “I was just kidding! Can’t you take a joke?”
This phrase reminds me of a friend I once had who would always make snarky remarks and then laugh them off as a joke.
One time he commented on my appearance in front of a group, and when I confronted him he said: I was just joking! Can’t you take a joke?”
What he was really doing was hiding behind humor to look out for me.
By saying he was “just kidding” he tried to make me feel silly for being upset.
The problem with this phrase is that it is often used to mask unkind words.
If you feel hurt by something someone said, and they claim it was just a joke, it may make you feel like you’re wrong for not finding it funny.
Next time someone says this to you, trust your feelings. If it wasn’t a joke, it probably wasn’t.
- “I’m only saying this for your own good.”
Now, here’s a phrase that could really throw you for a loop. Sounds caring and concerned, doesn’t it?
Someone tells you something critical or harsh, then follows up with, “I’m only saying this for your own good.”
Suddenly, what seemed like a hurtful comment turned into helpful advice.
The counterintuitive part is that this phrase often comes from those who truly care about us, like family or close friends.
They may think they are giving us a dose of “tough love.” But sometimes, feeling can be harder than love.
The difficult thing is that they can make you feel guilty for being upset by what they said.
After all, they’re just trying to help, right? But real help doesn’t destroy your self-confidence.
If you hear this phrase and it doesn’t sit right with you, it’s helpful to take a moment to think about why it bothers you.
Maybe have a calm conversation with the person about how their words make you feel. It is possible to offer advice and be honest without being hurtful.
Sometimes, those of us who care about us need a gentle reminder of that.
- “If you really loved me, you would…”
This can be a real punchline, especially when it comes from someone you care deeply about.
The phrase “If you really loved me, you would…” is often used to force someone to do something they are not comfortable with.
For example, a partner might say, “If you really loved me, you would quit your job and move in with me.”
Or a friend might insist, “If you were really interested in our friendship, you wouldn’t spend time with them.”
What is so harmful about this phrase is that it links your actions to your feelings towards the person.
They make you feel like you have to prove your love or friendship by doing what they want.
The truth is that love and friendship are not about passing tests or meeting requirements. They are about understanding, respect and compromise.
If someone uses this phrase on you, now is the time to stop and express how you feel.
Explain that your feelings for them are not related to this action or decision, and try to find a solution that respects your feelings and their feelings.
- “No one will tolerate you.”
Years ago, someone close to me dropped this bombshell during a heated argument: “No one is going to put up with you.”
It was a sharp, scathing comment that made me feel unloved and trapped.
What’s particularly bad about this phrase is that it’s designed to isolate you.
By implying that no one will tolerate or accept you, he aims to make you feel like you’re lucky to have the person who said that.
It can make you feel like you owe them something or that you shouldn’t expect better treatment.
The truth couldn’t be more different. We all have our quirks and flaws, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worthy of love, friendship, or respect.
If anyone says this to you, please know that this is a reflection of their insecurities, not your value.
Don’t let anyone convince you that you don’t deserve kindness, understanding, and true care.
It took me a while to realize this for myself, but knowing that those words were a form of manipulation and not a truth about myself helped me regain my self-confidence.
- “You’ll never be good enough.”
I’ll be honest: this phrase hurts. It cuts to the core, no matter who says it.
Whether it’s a parent, partner, friend, or boss, hearing the phrase “you’ll never be good enough” feels like a punch in the gut.
I’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase, and I can tell you it sticks with you. This can affect your self-esteem, making you doubt your worth and abilities.
But here’s the raw truth: it’s a lie. It is a cruel and manipulative tactic used to control and belittle you.
It’s designed to make you feel powerless, or to prevent you from reaching your dreams, or even standing up for yourself.
If anyone tells you this, please know that this is not a reflection of who you are. It is a reflection of their need to control, dominate, or feel superior.
You are enough. I always have been. And anyone who truly cares about you would never use such destructive words against you.
It may take some time to unlearn those words, but never let them define you or hold you back.
You are capable, worthy and strong enough to prove them wrong.
- “I’m doing this for your own good.”
On the surface, this phrase sounds caring and selfless. After all, someone is telling you that they are acting with your best interest in mind.
They are doing something “for your own good.”
But sometimes, this phrase is used to cover up actions that serve the person who said them more than they serve you.
Let’s say a co-worker takes over a project you’ve been working on, and insists that he’s doing it “for your own good” so you don’t feel stressed.
Seems thoughtful, doesn’t it?
But in reality, they might be doing it to get credit or to push you aside.
Or maybe a family member makes a big decision about your life without consulting you, saying it’s “for your own good.”
In this case, they may be trying to control your actions or choices under the guise of caring about you.
The counterintuitive part of this statement is that it sounds like it’s all about you, but it may actually be all about them. It is a subtle way to manipulate situations or decisions in their favor.
If you hear this phrase and feel something strange, trust your intuition. This may be a good time to ask questions and make sure the procedure is in your best interest.
True friends, family members, and colleagues will be open to discussing their decisions and will respect your thoughts and feelings, rather than hiding behind seemingly altruistic statements.
- “Trust me, I know what’s best for you.”
I remember a time when a relative of mine used this phrase with me when I was making an important choice in my life.
“Trust me, I know what’s best for you,” they said, as if my feelings and opinions didn’t matter.
At first, I was surprised. It looked like they were looking for me, but something wasn’t right.
They were making my decisions for me, and I felt robbed of my voice and my ability to act.
This phrase can be particularly manipulative because it comes wrapped in concern and wisdom.
It is often used by people who are older or who feel they have more experience.
They may think they are guiding you, but in reality, they may be trying to control your decisions.
What I learned from that experience is that no one knows what is best for you better than you.
Others can offer advice, share their experiences, and voice their concerns, but at the end of the day, it’s your life, and you’re the best judge of what’s right for you.
If someone uses this phrase on you, it is helpful to consider their perspective but also stand firm in your understanding of yourself and your needs.
You are the author of your life, and although it is good to listen to others, you should never feel pressured or manipulated to live according to someone else’s script.
