Narcissists use a variety of covert and overt tactics to manipulate others.

As you read through the following list of eight devious tactics, you may want to think about a narcissist in your life and determine if any of these tactics have been used on you.

Projection

Narcissists often accuse others of doing what narcissists do. For example:

Narcissists who lie a lot will accuse you of being untrustworthy.

Unreliable narcissists will claim that you are untrustworthy and have let them down.

An angry narcissist will say that you are the one who needs anger management.

Narcissists tend to be unaware of such hypocrisy. They accuse in one moment, then they buy into their accusations. Projection allows them to avoid responsibility for their abnormal behavior while putting others on the defensive.

Telling You Your Truth

Many narcissists believe they have special insight into others and feel good about naming other people’s reality. They may say things like, “I know you better than you know yourself.”

By labeling other people’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations, narcissists seek to gain the upper hand by making others doubt themselves.

harassment

Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want by any means necessary. As a result, they may endlessly pester others with demands, questions, and opinions.

They may pressure you to give immediate answers or make immediate decisions. They repeat lies as if doing so makes them right. They won’t listen to other points of view and may become angry at questions or opposition.

Related : Who Is Most Vulnerable to Narcissists?

Narcissists often fail to realize how much others are insulting them. If they do, they either don’t care or may even enjoy it. Narcissists have found that in many cases, others will become overwhelmed and give up. To them, this is a job well done.

Bottoming Others

Narcissists may talk down to others or use a tone of voice that a parent might use with a child. They may treat others as less intelligent or less entitled. Putting others down makes narcissists feel superior.

Bottoming Others

Narcissists systematically minimize anything that makes them look or feel bad. They make excuses for their bad behavior by blaming others. They may even outright deny that they have done anything destructive. Narcissists know that putting others down and ignoring them is hard for others to fight.

Bottoming others reveals a double standard. When a narcissist insults or hurts someone else, they don’t think much of it. But when a narcissist feels insulted, it can feel like the end of the world.

Acting Violently

Narcissists are generally not good at containing their strongest impulses or feelings. They feel free to throw temper tantrums, call names, or stir up trouble. Their out-of-this-world emotions and reactions make them feel powerful and unleash uncomfortable feelings or thoughts. Again, they put others on the defensive.

Shaming

Narcissists carry a tremendous amount of shame, although this shame is generally outside their awareness. As a result, they tend to take out their unpleasant feelings on those around them.

They may question the legitimacy of others. They may berate others for less than perfect performance or rub a failure in someone else’s face. They have a knack for putting others down. The result: they feel superior. Additionally, those receiving the shaming may feel compelled to defend or explain themselves, often giving the narcissist additional ammunition for further shaming.

Flattery

Narcissists love to receive praise and therefore believe that others devour praise, too.

Sometimes they use flattery as a way to get you to reciprocate. They may be trying to flatter your ego to get something they want from you or to create dependency.

Or they may use false flattery to defuse any attempts by others to hold the narcissist accountable for their negative behaviors.

Personality disorders are designed to hide or distract from an individual’s greatest emotional and psychological vulnerabilities. The experiences that narcissists fear most include feeling humiliated, inferior, or illegitimate.

These eight tactics are designed to protect narcissists from the experiences they fear by inflating the self, usually at the expense of others. For example, narcissists tend to:

Play a win-lose game rather than seek win-win solutions

Seek superiority rather than equality

Valuing appearance over substance

Persuading others rather than being honest

When dealing with narcissists, observing from a distance and knowing their true motivations can give you some breathing room and reduce the negative impact the narcissist has on you.