There’s a big gap between having parents who understand you and having parents who truly understand you.
This divide often boils down to empathy. Having parents who understand you means they can put themselves in your shoes, and understand your feelings and motivations.
Unfortunately, not all of us are that lucky. Some parents, despite their best intentions, just don’t “get” us. This is normal—it’s not always their fault. But you need to recognize the signs.
Let’s get started.
1) Lack of Emotional Connection
It’s a fundamental aspect of any relationship—the emotional bond.
This is especially true when it comes to parent-child relationships. Being able to empathize with and understand your emotional experiences is key.
You may find yourself constantly explaining your feelings, only to be met with blank stares or dismissive comments. Or worse, your feelings may be completely ignored and invalidated.
This lack of emotional connection can be a telling sign that your parents don’t truly understand you. It can make you feel isolated and misunderstood in your home, and that’s not how it should be.
2) Not caring about your passion
Your interests and passions are like your heartbeats; they give your life color, shape your personality, and add meaning to your everyday existence.
But what happens when your parents don’t seem to care about them?
Let me share a little story from my life.
Growing up, I was obsessed with art. My room looked like a small art studio, with sketchbooks, paints, and pastels scattered everywhere. But what about my parents? They didn’t understand. They considered my artwork “just a hobby” and constantly pushed me toward more “practical” activities, like math or science.
Their indifference to something so fundamental to my identity was like a punch in the gut. I felt like they didn’t see or appreciate the real me.
But here’s the important part: your passion is valid and necessary, whether they see it or not.
3) Inability to accept your individuality
We all have our unique traits and characteristics – they’re what make us who we are. However, if your parents have a hard time accepting these aspects, it could be a sign that they don’t understand you.
For example, consider a left-handed child in a right-handed family. In many cultures, being left-handed was stigmatized and even associated with witchcraft. Fortunately, we’ve come a long way since then, and most societies now accept left-handedness.
However, if you’re that left-handed child and your parents insist that you use your right hand, dismissing your natural tendency as a “bad habit,” it’s clear that they don’t recognize your individuality.
With acceptance comes understanding. If your parents can’t accept the unique aspects of your personality – whether it’s your left hand, your introverted nature, or your love of unusual hobbies – they may not fully understand you.
4) Ignoring your boundaries
Boundaries are like invisible fence lines in any relationship, including your relationship with your parents. They define what’s acceptable and what’s not, and they protect your personal space and emotional well-being.
But what if your parents keep pushing those boundaries?
Imagine this: You’ve asked for some alone time, but they keep calling or texting. Or worse, they sneak peek at your diary or barge into your room without knocking. These aren’t just minor annoyances—they’re flashing lights that your parents may not fully understand or respect you.
When parents struggle with this, it often points to a deeper issue than misunderstanding.
According to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, healthy boundaries are key to fostering mutual respect and understanding in family relationships. If your parents are constantly pushing those boundaries, it’s not just frustrating, it’s a sign that they may not fully understand the person you’ve become.
5) Ignoring Your Dreams
We all have dreams. They’re the visions we have for our future, the goals we strive to achieve, and they’re deeply personal.
When your parents dismiss or belittle your dreams, it can feel like a part of your heart is being rejected. It’s as if they’re saying that your hopes for your future—a future they may not fully understand or agree with—don’t matter.
Whether you dream of becoming a ballerina, a scientist, a writer, or a chef, your dreams are valid. They’re a part of you. And if your parents can’t understand that, they may not understand you.
6) Validate Your Struggle
Everyone faces struggles. They’re part of life. But how we deal with them and how those around us acknowledge them can make a big difference.
As a teenager, I struggled with self-esteem issues. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough. But every time I tried to express these feelings to my parents, they dismissed them. They would tell me, “You’re being stupid,” or “You have nothing to worry about.”
The constant dismissal of my struggles made me feel alone and misunderstood. It was as if my parents didn’t understand the turmoil I was going through.
7) Lack of Communication
Effective communication is the cornerstone of understanding in any relationship. It’s through sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we connect with others.
If your parents rarely engage in meaningful conversations with you or are often too busy to listen, it could be a telling sign that they don’t truly understand you. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and create emotional distance.
Everyone deserves to be heard and understood, especially by their parents. If there’s a gap in communication in your relationship with them, it could mean that they don’t fully understand who you are as an individual.
8) Feeling Unaccepted
Ultimately, the most telling sign that your parents don’t truly understand you is feeling unaccepted. Because understanding and acceptance go hand in hand.
If you constantly feel like you have to hide parts of yourself, change your behavior, or suppress your feelings to gain their acceptance, this is a clear sign that they don’t understand who you are.
Remember that every part of you is worthy of acceptance—your strengths, your flaws, your quirks, your dreams. You are enough just the way you are.
Final Thoughts: Understanding Begins with Acceptance
Navigating the complexities of human relationships, especially those within a family, can be difficult. And the dynamics between parents and children are no exception.
One profound truth is that understanding and acceptance are intertwined. Acceptance cannot exist without understanding, and understanding is hollow without acceptance.
In the fascinating world of psychology, Carl Rogers, the famous American psychologist, emphasized unconditional positive regard—the concept of accepting someone completely, without any conditions. He believed this was crucial to healthy psychological development.
Recognizing these signs is the first step toward fostering better relationships and finding those who will appreciate and understand you for who you are.
