Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing.
Sometimes, the most serious issues are the ones you don’t see right away.
Resentment is one of those sneaky feelings that can creep into a relationship, silently sabotaging it from the inside.
As the founder of Love Connection and a relationship expert, I’ve identified eight subtle signs that resentment is building in a relationship.
Here, we’ll dive into these signs, plus add some practical solutions on how to address these issues and reignite the love between you and your partner.
1) Unusual Silence
They say silence can be golden. But in a relationship, an unusual silence can be a sign that something is wrong.
We’re not talking about the comfortable silence you share while watching your favorite show together or reading in the same room.
This is the kind of silence that fills the air when something needs to be said, but it doesn’t.
This is when conversations become shorter, less frequent, and more forced.
If you find that your partner has suddenly become less talkative and seems to avoid deep conversations, this could be a sign of growing resentment.
They may be bottling up their feelings to avoid conflict or because they don’t think their concerns will be taken seriously.
But don’t panic just yet. This doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed.
Communication is key here. Encourage them to share their feelings and reassure them that their voice is important in the relationship.
Remember, it’s important to approach these discussions with an open mind and a willing heart, ready to listen and understand before rushing to respond.
2) Lack of affection
Physical affection is an essential part of any romantic relationship. It’s how we show our love and connect with our partners on a deeper level.
But when resentment starts to creep in, that affection can start to wane.
I remember a time in my relationship when the usual hugs and kisses became less frequent.
At first, I brushed it off as just one of those things that naturally come and go.
But when it persisted, I realized it was a sign of something deeper.
Fortunately, we were able to work through it and get back on track.
If you notice that your partner is pulling away from your touch or avoiding moments of closeness, it could be a sign that they are harboring some resentment.
The great Maya Angelou once said, “Love knows no barriers. It crosses barriers, it crosses fences, it breaks through walls to reach its destination full of hope.”
Don’t lose hope. Reach out, and let love lead the way to overcome this obstacle.
3) Increased Irritability
Has your partner become more critical of you lately?
Is he easily upset by little things that never bothered him in the past?
Increased irritability could be a sign of underlying resentment.
I’ve seen this in my relationship, and it’s something I discuss extensively in my book, Breaking the Clinginess: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
When there’s unresolved resentment, even the smallest things can trigger a disproportionate response.
This irritation isn’t necessarily because of the little thing that triggered it, but rather it’s a sign of a bigger unresolved issue.
It’s like a pressure cooker—if you don’t let off steam, it’s bound to explode.
So, if you notice your partner getting more irritable, it’s time to sit down and have an open discussion.
My book offers some great strategies for how to communicate effectively and address these deep-rooted issues.
Remember, understanding is the first step toward resolution.
4) Overcompensation
Surprisingly, overcompensation can be another sign of resentment.
You might think, “Wait a minute, isn’t that a good thing?” But hear me out.
Sometimes, when resentment boils over, people may compensate by being overly kind, attentive, or even generous.
It’s as if they’re trying to mask the negative feelings they’re carrying by overdoing it with positive actions.
This may seem counterintuitive. Who doesn’t love a partner who’s always kind and caring?
But if it feels forced or unnatural, it could be a cover for underlying resentment.
If your partner suddenly starts showering you with gifts or compliments without warning or seems to go out of their way to please you unusually, it’s time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. Keep in mind that true love should be natural and easy.
If it feels like an act, there may be more going on underneath the surface.
5) Avoiding shared activities
There’s a little coffee shop downtown that my partner and I used to love. It was our go-to spot for date nights.
But at some point, I noticed that he started making excuses to avoid going there.
At first, I thought he was just tired of the place, but then I realized it was part of a larger pattern.
Shared activities are like glue in a relationship. They provide opportunities to connect and create shared memories.
But when resentment builds, your partner may start avoiding these shared activities.
If you notice that your partner suddenly loses interest in activities you used to love, it could be a sign that he’s harboring resentment.
This avoidance could be his way of creating emotional distance.
Addressing this early can help eliminate the root of the problem.
6) Constant Criticism
We all have flaws and make mistakes, and that’s part of being human. But when love is strong, we often ignore these flaws.
However, when resentment starts to build, these shortcomings suddenly become magnified.
If you find your partner constantly criticizing you over minor things or pointing out your shortcomings in a hurtful way, it could be a sign of growing resentment.
It’s as if they’re using these small issues as an outlet for their larger, unspoken frustrations.
This can be difficult to deal with.
No one likes to feel constantly criticized. It can chip away at your self-esteem and create a toxic environment.
It’s not necessarily about you or your shortcomings. It’s about them and their unresolved feelings.
So instead of getting defensive, try to open up a dialogue.
Ask them what’s bothering them and let them know that it’s safe to express their feelings.
Honesty, while sometimes painful, can lead to healing and understanding.
7) Lack of sharing about plans
I remember when my partner and I would spend hours talking about our plans—the trips we wanted to take, the house we wanted to build, the dog we wanted to adopt.
But at some point, you notice that he’s become less enthusiastic about these discussions.
His eyes have lost their spark of excitement, and he feels like he’s just walking through the conversation rather than actively participating in it.
When a person starts to harbor resentment, they can become less engaged in plans.
They may feel uncertain about the future of the relationship, causing them to emotionally withdraw from discussions about it.
If you notice that your partner has become less engaged when it comes to plans, it could be a sign of underlying resentment.
But as the great philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said, “Life can only be understood from a backward perspective; it must be lived from a forward perspective.”
So don’t let this discourage you. Instead, use it as an opportunity to discuss any issues that may be affecting your relationship and work on resolving them.
Ultimately, there’s a silver lining to every cloud.
8) Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells
This is a big red flag. If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner, it could be a clear sign of underlying resentment.
You may find yourself constantly worrying about upsetting him, or feeling that no matter what you do, it will never be okay.
This constant worry and fear of provoking a negative reaction is unhealthy and not a normal part of a loving relationship.
If you’re experiencing this, it’s important to address it.
Resentment builds walls in relationships, but open and honest communication can tear them down.
Remember that you deserve to feel loved, respected, and safe in your relationship. Don’t let fear dictate your actions.
Talk openly, express your feelings, and work together to overcome this obstacle.
A relationship is a partnership, and both parties should feel valued and heard.
If you need more guidance, my book Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship can provide practical strategies for addressing resentment and other relationship issues.
Always remember that love is a journey, not a destination.
Stay strong, keep communicating, and keep loving. You can do it!
