Love has a powerful effect on how we perceive our partner and our relationship as a whole.
When you’re madly in love with your lover, you walk around wearing rose-colored glasses.
You tend to ignore red flags and downplay problems because you’re too focused on your feelings, too eager to maintain connection, or too invested in seeing things objectively.
Whatever the reason, get your head out of the sand before your partnership turns toxic.
Here are 8 seriously unhealthy relationship habits most of us ignore, according to psychology.
These are the things they don’t teach you in romantic comedies.
1) Lack of communication
Ignoring each other when you’re angry isn’t the healthiest way to deal with conflict.
Psychologists suggest that this lack of communication is a manipulation tactic that leaves relationship problems unresolved.
Instead of openly discussing your issues, you ignore each other until one of you gives in.
You stop texting, you withdraw affection, and you ignore each other.
This only creates distance and fuels resentment over time.
Is there a healthier approach to dealing with conflict?
Sit down and talk things out, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation is.
If you want your partnership to last, this is the only way.
2) Passive-Aggressive Behavior
The silent treatment isn’t the only form of manipulation that some couples resort to to indirectly express their resentment toward each other.
If one (or both!) of you is passive-aggressive, you need to work on your communication skills.
Passive-aggressive behavior can take many forms and patterns:
- Making sarcastic remarks or making jokes at your partner’s expense (not to be confused with joking, which is fun)
- Agreeing to something and then failing to follow through or sabotaging the outcome
Giving your partner guilt trips for getting them to do what you want them to do (“If you cared about me, you would do it”) - Indirectly subtly criticizing your partner (with an indirect compliment, for example)
Passive aggression undermines the foundation of a healthy relationship by eroding trust and intimacy.
You should work together to solve your problems.
If you turn on each other, you won’t make a great team.
3) Neglecting self-care
Whenever I date someone I love, I feel a little lost with them.
Suddenly, I became obsessed with the idea of “us,” and I neglected other aspects of my life.
I have an unhealthy tendency to put my partner on a pedestal and want to spend as much time with them as possible.
Also, I want to make him happy, so I prioritize his wants over my needs.
It’s something I’m working on, but change doesn’t come naturally to me.
Are you in the same boat?
According to psychology, neglecting self-care in favor of taking care of others can lead to codependency.
It also leaves you feeling empty and resentful.
RELATED:8 Signs Of Emotional Manipulation + What To Do About It
You can’t be 100% present in a relationship if your tank is empty.
Remember that both partners’ needs are equally important.
You both need to feel happy and fulfilled.
4) Comparing Your Relationship to Others
Another unhealthy relationship habit that most of us ignore is comparing our relationships to others:
- We feel envious of friends who seem to have a more exciting or fulfilling relationship
- We feel anxious when our relationship is moving too quickly or too slowly compared to others in our immediate circle
- We obsessively scroll through social media and compare our partner’s actions to those of others
- We seek relationship advice from online columnists or friends instead of relying on our intuition
- We make decisions in our relationships based on what we perceive to be “normal” or socially acceptable, even when that’s not what we want
According to psychology, upward comparisons in particular can have negative consequences for your relationship.
It’s an easy way to reinforce unrealistic expectations about what an “ideal” or “perfect” relationship should look like.
In reality, there’s no such thing — and what works for others may not necessarily work for you.
Something to keep in mind whenever you feel like you’re “less than” other couples.
5) Don’t Take Your Partner For Granted
Ensuring that your partner is committed makes you feel warm and cozy inside.
To the point that over time, you put less effort into the relationship.
Your partner will be there no matter what, so why not invest your energy in other areas of your life?
Simply put, you’re playing with fire.
When you don’t take your partner for granted, you’re less likely to remind them of how enriching your life is.
This can negatively impact their self-esteem and make them question their commitment, according to psychology.
I’m sorry to confirm what you probably already know, but relationships take work.
You need to prioritize each other regularly and make an effort to lighten things up from time to time.
You should also make sure that you both know that you are appreciated and loved by your partner.
Otherwise, what was once a fire burning bright will fizzle into glowing embers.
6) Keeping score
While keeping score may seem harmless or fair, it can have negative consequences for the long-term health of the relationship.
Psychologists point out that true partnerships are based on mutual generosity and trust.
When you keep track of who gives and who receives more, you foster competition and dissatisfaction.
You act like you’re on opposite sides when you should be working together to reach a common goal.
Furthermore, keeping score can lead to power struggles within the partnership, especially if one party starts collecting mistakes as leverage.
Relationships aren’t always 50/50.
If one person is struggling with something, the other can make up for the shortfall.
This is the whole point of having someone you can count on.
7) Expect Your Partner to Meet All Your Needs
According to psychology, no one person can meet all of your emotional needs.
While being in a rewarding relationship is great, you need to take care of all of the other areas of your life, too.
Believing that your partner is your other half who should make you feel good sets a very high bar for a relationship.
If you make him the sole reason for your happiness, you are setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment.
The healthiest approach is to maintain emotional closeness with your partner but continue to fulfill your interests, friends, and career.
In addition, relying on your partner for everything makes you vulnerable to relationship problems.
If you and your partner go through a rough patch or break up, you won’t have any other sources of emotional support.
Focus on living a balanced life. You will have a happier life.
8) Fighting all the time
According to psychology, if a couple fights all the time, they are losing the ability to communicate more healthily.
However, when we are in the throes of romance, we may mistake incompatibility for passion.
A strong relationship is characterized by open and honest communication, where both partners feel heard and understood.
If you are constantly yelling at each other, I doubt you are listening to what the other is trying to say.
And hey – fighting can get hot. Making up can be a lot hotter.
But if fighting is all you do, you may have irreconcilable differences.
You need to find a better way to communicate with each other, or you risk falling into a spiral of dysfunction.
There’s no guarantee that you’ll still be together by the time you find your way out.
The bottom line:
If you fail to address these unhealthy habits, they’ll erode your partnership over time.
You and your partner will go from squabbling lovers to bickering colleagues, wondering what happened to push you so far apart.
Don’t let it get to that point.
The sooner you recognize your toxic relationship patterns, the sooner you can fix them.
From there, your relationship will only flourish.
