Why does your history keep repeating itself? Do you often find yourself asking “Why do I keep attracting toxic partners into my life” when it deserves otherwise? Perhaps you need to look deep inside yourself to know why you keep attracting toxic partners all the time.

Have you ever felt like you were a “trash magnet” when it came to your love life? Do you find yourself dating frequently and falling in love with manipulative men who have narcissistic personality traits? Confused about why this is happening to you over and over again?

If so, there are some deep relationship questions to ask yourself that can help reveal why you keep falling in love with these controlling men.

Internal injuries from your early childhood circumstances and experiences, such as toxic family dynamics or bullying, affect your physical, emotional, and mental health as an adult, and shape the way you live life.

These layers of unconscious trauma may lead you to seek out unhealthy and abusive people, who in turn are looking for vulnerable people (like you) to take over to satisfy their selfish need to feel important, powerful, and in control in relationships.

If you have internal injuries that have not healed, you may inadvertently attract men with narcissistic personality traits.

Why do I continue to attract Toxic Partners?

To answer that question, here are 8 deep relationship questions to ask yourself if you still fall in love with controlling and manipulative men with narcissistic personality traits:

1. Do you think someone else will heal your wounds?

Perhaps you are constantly looking for a partner to cling to and rely on to heal those painful wounds. What you need to understand, however, is that other people can’t handle your pain. Other people don’t have the resources to fix another human being. The only person who can heal you is you.

You’ve been searching your whole life for someone to heal your wounds and the toxic men you’ve been dating have been searching their whole lives for someone who needs exactly that. They fed your fears with all this false magic and fake love, while you thought they could bind your sores.

2. Do you think you can change someone, and that they can change you?

The more you try to force people to become what you want them to be, the more you can control them. You lose your strength. You give them responsibility for your health. And in turn, you lose your dignity, self-esteem, and mental health.

If you think you can help the toxic guys you’ve dated understand their difficulties, you just continue this emotional dependence cycle. You are trying to force them to take responsibility.

These people are individuals who are responsible for their lives, and the desire for long-term change must come from within them.

3. Do you feel responsible for the feelings of others?
   Do you find yourself finding it difficult to set boundaries with people or being rejected? Do you find it difficult to defend yourself?

Perhaps you take responsibility for others instead of letting them learn to take responsibility for themselves. You may think that your job is to save people or protect them from their painful feelings or the consequences of their actions.

You might try to calm them down and tell them that it’s not their fault. Or you might try to take the pain for them.

If you put the needs of others before your own and see this as a valid force in your personality, it may cause you to overlook toxic behavior in your partner. By doing this, you are again not allowing that person to take responsibility for their life, their behavior, and the resulting consequences, both good and bad.

4. Do you neglect your own needs to avoid feeling “selfish” or “lazy”?
   Do you feel guilty for taking care of yourself or doing things for yourself? Do you feel uncomfortable when you have “me” time? Do you only have a sense of value if you are productive or doing things?

You may have been trained at a young age, perhaps by parents, caregivers, or teachers, that taking care of yourself or taking leisure time and allowing yourself to rest is lazy and self-centered, and should be avoided at 100% at all costs.

Related: 6 Signs You Are in A Fake Relationship

5. Are you the one who pleases people?

Does it bother you when others think badly of you? Some people think that having people like them is a requirement and that they are willing to do almost anything to get the approval of others.

Some people worry excessively about offending or hurting people’s feelings, and as a result, they become “the people” and overlook their own needs in favor of someone else.

When you are a pleasant person, you are more likely to put up with inappropriate, hurtful, and toxic behavior from a partner. You don’t want your guy to feel so guilty about his bad behavior towards you, so you say, “It’s okay. I’m fine. Don’t worry. We’re fine.”

6. Have you experienced rejection, abandonment, shame, betrayal, and/or injustice?
   Have you been a victim of some form of abuse in the past? Have you felt heroized by one of your parents, such as that you weren’t worthy of your feelings, or that your feelings were wrong or selfish? Some caregivers raise children with an incredible dose of shame as a way to control their behavior.

They may use guilt trips to make you feel guilty for having feelings for the hurt you expressed. Perhaps you were criticized as a child and felt as if you couldn’t do anything right. Maybe they gave you the message that you can never get their approval and that their love and acceptance were conditional on being a “good girl.”

When a parent uses shame or guilt, this is a form of manipulation. Since that’s what she was brought up on, it will lead to her being vulnerable to manipulation of you as an adult, especially in an intimate relationship.

7. Do you feel worthless and afraid to be alone?

Do you beat yourself up and criticize yourself for your failures? Are you afraid of being single? Do you berate your weaknesses and hate yourself for them? Perhaps you feel as though you are unloved, undeserved, flawed, and don’t feel worthy of love?

It is perfectly normal to want security in your life, but some people’s inner shame and sense of worthlessness lead them to be willing to do everything in their power to ensure their security. Even if it means they have to make excuses for others, fix their mistakes, or protect them.

If you are afraid of being alone, you are more likely to willingly ignore a problem to maintain security and protect yourself from loneliness.

Related : What Is Obsessive Love Disorder: Signs, Causes, And How To Cope

8. Are you goal-oriented and persistent, no matter what?

Do you set goals and know you will always achieve them? Do you feel that your value in life is based on the goals you achieve? Do you feel unworthy if you fail to achieve your goals?

Some people stick to them “never give up or never give up” attitude that they end up ignoring their partner’s terrible behavior, with the misguided idea that they can’t give up on the relationship because it will be seen as a failure.

Sometimes people are so persistent that they end up overworking and doing everything for everyone, which leads them to walk completely over. You may even hate relying on other people for help and choosing to do everything yourself. If you do, it’s time to reconsider the consequences of focusing too much on avoiding failure.

Related: The 10 Types of Toxic Relationships You Should Avoid At All Costs

You can go through this experience to take responsibility for your recovery, realizing that it will be difficult and it will take time, but that on the other hand, you will appear so strong and healthy that you will appear completely empowered.

You will never accept any substandard behavior. You will get rid of toxic, abusive, childish men with narcissistic personality traits and only attract high-quality individuals into your life.

Trust me, trust yourself. You can do so without a doubt and live the life of truth, respect, and dignity that you deserve.