Your partner is charming and cheerful in social situations, but harsh and blaming at home. This behavior is so confusing that you assume you are the problem, and feel stuck, trapped, confused, and betrayed. Things are always changing, and your partner is always telling you that you’re wrong, crazy, or making things up.
Be careful: there is a very high possibility that you are in a toxic relationship with the kidnapper!
Hijackers lurk in the shadows, swooping in unexpectedly, keeping you unsafe, insecure, and on edge, everywhere. Unfortunately, the most likely place to find them is at home (oh, yes, and in political arenas!)
What is most important to abductees are their wants, ideas, beliefs, needs, and desires, and they make that very clear (and they expect you to make them a priority, too. After all, why wouldn’t you?)
Kidnappers act as if they are sure that you have nothing more urgent to do than make them happy, meet their demands, or live up to their expectations!
You stretch yourself to give them what they want — even outside of your comfort zone — but it’s never enough. And if you’re hoping they’ll reciprocate, forget it! Loving Hijackal means that no matter how hard you try to appease him, you will always displease him on some level, because he always wants more.
Drama, drama, drama! It’s exhausting, frustrating, annoying, and crazy!
So, who are these people with chronic difficulties who want – and desperately need – to always be right, faultless, irresponsible, and center stage in a relationship? In my e-book series, “Escaping the Hijacking Trap: The Definitive Guide to Dealing with People with Chronic Difficulties,” I coined the term “hijackers,” defining them as “people who hijack relationships for their own purposes while relentlessly searching for them in order to achieve their own goals.” . Power, status and control.”
Related : Why Meryl’s Speech Was Biased And Tone-Deaf
They are shocked, upset and intolerant when it’s not always ‘queen or king for a day’, it’s their way or the highway. When you don’t treat them accordingly, everything falls apart.
Does this all sound familiar? If so, here are seven ways to know for sure if you’re in a relationship with a Hijackal:
- They dominate conversations and always want to be the center of attention.
You’ve had a rough day and you just want someone to listen to you, not fix you. Your captor says, “Oh, stop! You’re not the only one in the trenches, honey. Let me tell you about my day.”
- They use your deepest fears, thoughts, and feelings against you.
You feel close, safe and vulnerable. You are open, hoping to receive sympathy, validation, and emotional intimacy. Your Hijackal seizes the moment and encourages you to participate: “Oh, really, you’re afraid of the dark. I had no idea. I feel you.” (No, they don’t!)
A few days later, during an argument: “You’re a little kid. You’re even afraid of the dark! Why don’t you grow up?”
- They pretend to care about how you feel, then blame you.
Your teen is acting out, and your teen seems to be listening to you discuss problems at school. She asks him to be more involved in the situation.
In response, he immediately blames you, saying, “Do you think I should care about how embarrassed you are when you have to deal with problems at school? I don’t have any problems with our child, so it’s all on you. No.” “I won’t ruin my relationship with her either.”
- They put their interests, needs, wants, and desires before yours.
You want to take your whole family to visit your parents who are too old to visit you anymore. “What makes you think I should move on? They’re your parents, and I’m not taking time out of my life to satisfy your need for a ‘happy family’ visit,” Your Kidnapping says.
- They take everything to the extreme to win (Note: Disagree with her and life will be hell.)
Hijackal always needs to be in control, and jumps into anger, threats, demands, anger, or even tears over little things.
You ask her to come with you to an important work-related dinner: “What’s wrong with you? I have a life too. We’re not joined at the hip. You should have asked me earlier, but of course you didn’t” “Because you don’t respect my time. You knew this would upset me, and I could Counting on you to always do your best to annoy me. Fuck you, I’m getting out of here!” (Tears. Throwing book. Closing door.)
- They change their minds, feelings, and focus quickly… and comfortably.
You just had a wonderful dinner at home together. You feel close and able to let your guard down. For a beautiful moment you see the partner you have fallen in love with, and there is no conflict. sky!
You cuddle up on the couch in front of the fireplace and say, “This is just like when we were dating, remember?”
Your kidnapper replied: “Yes, when you cared enough to please me, but that has definitely changed!”
- They have to win…in every situation.
Whether it’s about where you’re going on vacation, or what happened to you when you were a kid, Hijackal has to be right, especially about how wrong you are!
“No matter what you say, I know you don’t want to leave me. You can’t manage without me anyway because you’re so needy. You can’t bear to be alone. Pushing me away would be a big mistake. After all, you’ve told me so many times that your life began “When you met me.”
