Your parent’s divorce!

Isn’t it a shock to any child?

Most likely, there could be no news worse than this for him/her.

right?

The devastating effects of parental divorce on children can often be very harmful, from it becoming a negative person to the child being trapped in a breakdown with depression and other psychological problems.

Indeed, divorce and children do not go together and the stress of their parent’s separation can completely break children from the inside.

However, this does not mean that you, as a parent, should remain stuck in an unwanted, mentally distressed marriage for the rest of your life. Good parenting is certainly not completely integral to your marriage compatibility. You can make your children understand the correct way to handle your and your partner’s divorce. All you have to do is act strategically and that’s it!

How do you do it?

Read on

1. Make your child feel loved
   It is one of the biggest and most sensible aspects of good parenting. If the parents don’t come through with the kids regularly, the kids end up blaming themselves. They begin to think that if they were more fun, better, and well-behaved, then surely their parents would have loved being with them.

Hence, always make sure that you and your partner give enough time to your children. It may be that both of you are planning to file for divorce or have already obtained a divorce, but it is important to let your child feel loved unconditionally. Be a sport and get together to spend some quality time with your kids. It will calm their mind, and in the end, the deteriorating effects of divorce on children will be much less.

READ : 5 Situations When Divorce Is The Best Parenting Decision You Can Make

2. Don’t try to sugarcoat it
   It is not recommended to make false excuses for the absence of the other parent and normalize the situation. You might think that it might be one of the best ways to negate the bad effects of divorce on children, but in reality, it is not! Your child may find the answer compelling at the moment but it won’t be the same in the long run.

M. Gary Newman, therapist and creator of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, author of Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way, said, “If a parent cancels because of a severe cold but goes to work that day with the same cold, it’s important for your child to feel free to express his feelings.”

It is essential to frame the situation in such a way that dealing with divorce is an easy chapter for your child. Your child should breathe without any criticism or apology for the absent parent on your part.

Read : 5 Science-Backed Reasons People Get Divorced

3. Let your child communicate
   Helping your children through the divorce between you and your partner is not an easy task. Your children often end up depressed and sometimes stop communicating due to trauma. In this case, it can be harmful to him/her. He/she must express her opinion to get a better understanding and feel of what is going on.

Hence, when it comes to helping your child through a divorce, talking about your feelings is crucial, and also, and your child should express his opinions. “Expressing themselves gives kids a sense of empowerment and can help relieve their frustration,” Newman says. “Even if nothing changes, your child will feel better when they know they made an effort to fix the situation.”

Read : 9 Tips For Co-Parenting With Your Difficult Ex

4. Feel free to adjust your visitation schedule
   David Knox, Ph. D., author of Surviving a Divorced Father: How to Stay Connected with Your Children, says, “Of course, consistency is important, but some flexibility on your part can increase the ex’s ability to succeed.” “If certain days or times are constantly missed, for example, you might say, ‘If Tuesday dinner is not good, what would be better?'” It may be one of the best ways to deal with divorce and easy separation for your children.

5. Try quiet transitions
   You might think that if you’re not overtly argumentative, then everything is fine. But children are very rational and can feel the stress of divorce and increased anxiety.

Hence, you and your partner need to strive for peaceful transitions. It is necessary to remove your children from the stress of divorce.

According to Dr. Knox, “Some parents complain that they can’t handle the conflict when seeing their ex-wife. Or the father reaches out to a visibly worried child and assumes his ex-wife was abusing him. The father ends up rationalizing that it’s best not to come at all.”

Whatever you feel, you should be civil. If you think this is not possible for you, act smart. For example, you can collect your child from your ex in any neutral place. Let’s say, a friend’s place, a shopping mall, or a park. You can just pick your child up from this place, completely ignore your ex and leave in a matter of minutes. The pressure of being in a public place will allow you to manage keeping fit.

6. Happy bidding
   To begin with, you can’t count your divorce and your children’s happiness on the same list. Rather, work for it is required constantly. One of the first and rightmost steps you should take here is to say goodbye to your child with a smile when he goes to be with the other parent.

In particular, you should keep this in mind for all mothers who have gone through a divorce. It has been observed that mothers are often unconscious and make their children feel guilty about their leaving. You must take care that you do not do this. This will help your son have fun with his dad and your ex will feel less nervous about pickups too.

Read : Why It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Soulmate

7. Let your son be disappointed sometimes
   It is certainly not easy to deal with divorce and children together. One of the smartest tricks that play a major role here is not to underestimate your child’s pain and grief.

Whether upset about divorce in general or over something more specific like a parent having to work late again, anger and disappointment are healthy emotional reactions, Newman says. A child has a right to these feelings and should be able to talk about them without worrying. That his parents would be angry or upset.”

Talk about your child’s feelings and listen to him, too. It will help you deal with your child’s pain in a more reasonable way. You should support your son by letting him know that you understand his feelings and that they are completely logical. This will help your child finally face his disappointment, and in fact, this step will be therapy for him/her.

Read : Even Your Soulmate Will Cause Relationship Problems

Summary of the above

This is how you can prevent your divorce from becoming “the saddest episode” in your child’s life. Just keep the above things in mind, act wisely and your child will overcome this frustrating phase of his/her life mathematically.

And at the end of the day, you and your partner won’t feel a sad sigh of “Oh! We hurt our son so much in your hearts.”