I’ve seen too many smart, talented, kind people destroyed by relationships with narcissistic partners. The trauma caused by the abuser is subtle but can last a long time and really weaken the target. Even when an abusive relationship is short, its effects can last.
It’s not usually easy to see these people coming. They are very controlling and charming when they want you to communicate with them. They often have a chameleon-like ability to pose as the love of your life when you first start getting to know them, and they don’t show their true colors until there is a certain level of commitment.
Do you think this couldn’t happen to you? There are estimates that over 50% of people have been in an abusive relationship. Contrary to myths, the targets of bullies and narcissists are, in general, talented, socially intelligent, fully functioning people who are better than average at their jobs and who care about others. People who are the targets of abuse tend to be more empathetic than others, so you may want to practice more caring if you are particularly sensitive to others.
Do you think the targets of bullies are weak people who “let it happen” to them? They are not particularly weak, but they are often backed into a corner by manipulative and dangerous people, and then become vulnerable to their own bad behavior. Of course you will let your partner make the decisions if they are volatile, violent, vindictive, and controlling assets. The problem is that bullies are encouraged to get involved before they act out.
Related : No, Praise Won’t Make Your Kid A Narcissist, But THIS Sure Will!
Instead of having to break up with a toxic relationship when you’ve already been traumatized, learn how to avoid those people in the first place.
How do you identify and avoid people who will take advantage of your good nature when you first date them?
Develop good boundaries. Set boundaries for acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship, and set them before dating. Only date those who respect your boundaries.
Exercise due diligence. Don’t feel any compunction about checking the background of anyone you start dating seriously. It is not your duty to tell anyone that you did this.
If you feel the need to go beyond the initial screening to continue spying or checking up on someone you’re dating, your intuition is telling you not to trust them.
Pay attention to non-compliant behavior; The one who smiles when he tells you how she got back together with someone; A date who reports a lot of trouble getting along with others, i.e. someone who seems angry when you assert your opinion. Don’t dismiss these signs.
Be sensitive to socially awkward behavior like not responding to an obvious joke, blatant failure to make eye contact, not responding to conversation notes, or significant disruptions in conversations such that you don’t get airtime or have to fill cavernous conversation gaps.
Ask questions about the person’s relationships with friends or co-workers and watch for answers that indicate contempt, cruelty, lack of empathy, or a need to control others.
Pay attention to your feelings. If you feel confused, have a feeling of fear, feel defensive or ashamed, don’t ignore these feelings. They are signs that something is wrong.
If you see any of these signs, either dust yourself off and move on, or watch this person closely. I have yet to see anyone create a happy partnership with a narcissist, bully, or control freak.
