“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.” — Paramhansa Yogananda
“It’s not easy being superior to everyone I know.” -unknown
The Mayo Clinic Research Group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior to others and care little about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of overconfidence lies Fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic supply is a form of psychological addiction and dependency, in which the narcissist demands (demands) constant importance, “special treatment,” validation, and/or appeasement in order to feel good about themselves. This insatiable desire to be “put on a pedestal” largely explains the narcissist’s sense of vanity, entitlement, and self-absorption.
In order to constantly fill their “stock”, many narcissists intentionally create or create scenarios where they can regularly receive attention and feel infallible. They also deliberately target relationships with individuals (victims) who are susceptible to their initial charm, gullible in their manipulation, and vulnerable to their exploitation. At home or at work, in any case, the narcissist craves constant stroking of his ego. They rely heavily on this “supply” to compensate for their inner emptiness and cushion their fragile self-esteem.
Here are seven manipulative roles that narcissists often take on in order to have a regular flow of narcissistic supply, with references from my books, How to Deal with Narcissists Successfully and A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Change Towards a Higher Self. While some people may engage in one of the behaviors listed below on occasion, which may not be a big deal, a chronic narcissist will usually inhabit one or more of the following personas on a regular basis, until he or she feels good about himself or herself. .
- The self-anointed one knows everything
“My father’s favorite responses to my opinions were: ‘But…’ ‘Actually…’ and ‘There’s more to it than this…’ and he always had to feel like he knew better.’ -unknown
At home, at work, or in social situations, the narcissist may position himself or herself as a “know-it-all,” “expert,” or “authoritative,” constantly marginalizing, correcting, and invalidating the viewpoints of others. Know-it-all narcissists are also frequent interrupters of conversations. Notably, even when they don’t criticize or correct your views, they may listen briefly and then go right back to what they were talking about, as if what you said didn’t matter at all. You exist only as a convenient tool to provide them.
“It’s enough for me to talk about myself; let us hear you talk about me.” -unknown
- Controller/Judge/Rescuer
“Those picture frames in the living room are crooked. I told you to check when cleaning the house. Come on! Don’t be stupid!!” – An unknown husband to the wife
The narcissist may target and place themselves in personal or professional relationships with those who allow them to control, judge, criticize, or marginalize them on a regular basis. The narcissist feels full of himself by controlling and subjugating others. One form of this type of social dominance is the narcissist who gets his supply by “saving” others, thus declaring himself as the “indispensable savior.”
“Once again, you saved the day, without me, it’s nothing!” -unknown
- Merit Badge Collector/Pedestal Seeker
“My accomplishments are everything.” – Anonymous executive
Some narcissists deliberately choose career pursuits that can be admired and/or feared on a regular basis. In this case, the narcissist’s primary reason for choosing is simply to be “superior,” “important,” and “special,” rather than a sincere desire to make a contribution to the greater good.
“He thinks he’s a god because he’s a doctor.” -unknown
“She chose to be a (security officer) so she could be mean to people and get away with it.” -unknown
- Boundary violator/exploiter
“Rules are meant to be broken, that’s how you win.” -unknown
The narcissist may regularly use charm, persuasion, or coercion to pressure people into giving them what they want, even when it is clearly one-sided and unreasonable. Some are particularly fond of manipulating others into giving up their boundaries. Here, narcissistic supply relies on others surrendering to the exploitative influence of the narcissist, which they view as “triumphant” and ego-affirming. Many pathological narcissists do not relate, they use.
“I take pride in convincing people to make exceptions to their rules.” -unknown
- Huge bragging/bragging
“She likes to drop ‘I’m a lawyer’ into every social conversation, no matter how insignificant it seems.” -unknown
Some narcissists constantly engage in bragging, name-dropping, status bragging, or “humble bragging” about how great and wonderful their lives are, hoping to gain praise, recognition, and social media attention. They intentionally want others to be jealous of what they have, so they can feel good about themselves.
Related : How to Talk to a Narcissist About Being Narcissistic
“My fiancé and I drive a Mercedes. The best man at our upcoming wedding drives a Mercedes too!” -Anonymous
- Usually negative/difficult looking contagion
“My manager is deliberately selective and makes everything difficult. It gives her a sense of power.” -unknown
Some narcissists are deliberately and persistently difficult, uncooperative, and/or confrontational, even when this is clearly unreasonable and unnecessary. Here, the narcissistic supply is the perceived power that comes from fear and hate. From the narcissist’s toxic and distorted perspective, it is better to be a thorn in the side of others than to be a nobody.
In some cases, although the narcissist may not be aware, unconsciously making himself difficult confirms the narcissist’s internalized self-loathing—that he does not deserve to be loved and accepted, and does not have what it takes to engage in positive, healthy relationships. (Narcissistic wound).
- The faker who lives through others/the wannabe
“You have opportunities I never had before. . . . After you become a doctor, you can do as you please. Even then, you have to do as I say!” —Father to Son at Dead Poets Society
Some narcissists live through others in hopes of boosting their low self-esteem or indirectly fulfilling their unfulfilled fantasies and dreams. Narcissistic supply comes from basking in the reflected glory of those who exploit and exploit them.
“My mother loved to dress me in pretty dresses, even though I was a tomboy by nature. I think she felt that when I received compliments on my appearance, I looked well-thought-out. It boosted my self-worth.” -unknown
The common pattern for all of the above traits is that the narcissist relies on a regular influx of narcissistic supplies in order to maintain his superficial, selfish, and conceited self-image. Those in a relationship with the narcissist are used only as an extension of the narcissist’s selfish needs. However, deep down, most narcissists feel like an “ugly duckling,” even if they painfully don’t want to admit it.
