People with narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, and other dark personality traits (hereafter called narcissists) have a low and fragile sense of self-esteem. In order to fit in, they must always feel better than others. They always compare themselves to others and when they feel threatened, they will try to make the other person feel bad in order to lift themselves up and feel superior. In fact, they think hierarchically, and this happens in different ways.
In this article we will review some common tactics that narcissists use to feel better than others, even if it hurts others, and oftentimes, precisely because it hurts others.
- Artificial self-confidence
As you may have noticed, narcissists usually display a false sense of self-confidence whereby they act and speak in a very confident manner, as if they know what they are doing or what they are talking about. However, if you have some knowledge and experience in the topic in question, it will quickly become clear that it is all a farce.
One reason they do this is to appear superior, as if they are experts. Moreover, they are quick to falsely and maliciously criticize others, often actual experts, to create the illusion that they know what they are talking about. Narcissists can be very convincing and it can be confusing to bystanders who is the real expert.
Narcissists can sometimes convince others that they are knowledgeable or experienced in something they are not. Sometimes they achieve this by behaving in an artificial but confident manner, while other times they simply lie pathologically, or perhaps both methods are used.
- Instill self-doubt and gaslight
If you have a tendency to doubt yourself, it is very easy for a narcissist to push your buttons and manipulate you into submission. They can create self-doubt by playing on your weaknesses and insecurities.
Or they can simply gaslight you by invalidating your feelings, memories, or experiences, and essentially making you doubt reality. You can read more about gaslighting in my previous article entitled Gaslighting: What it is and why it is so destructive.
By making you doubt yourself and your perception of reality, they can make you take responsibility for something you are not responsible for, make you feel guilty and force you to do something you would not have done otherwise, or they may simply humiliate you to feel superior. .
- Due representation
One of the basic narcissistic tendencies is entitlement. The narcissist feels and believes that he or she is better, more important than others, or unique; Therefore, they feel entitled to special treatment. So when they feel the need to regulate their shaky self-esteem, they tend to act out to make others feel bad.
For example, they can go to a store or restaurant and yell at or abuse the service workers there to make themselves feel better about themselves. They can use their money, power, sexual appeal, social status, and other means of influence to degrade and abuse others in order to elevate themselves.
- Blaming and projection
Narcissists are known to never take responsibility for anything they do wrong, and deny any faults or negative personality traits. They always blame others for everything, even if it is clearly their fault. One reason for this is to shift responsibility for all the terrible things they do. If I blame others, no one can blame me!
Furthermore, narcissists are experts at projection. They tirelessly accuse others of the things they do, and attribute negative traits to others. They use these common tactics to stay on the offensive, put others on unstable ground, and continue to make others feel bad. This is all to make themselves feel better.
I talk at length about narcissistic projection in the article 5 Ways Narcissists Attack and Attack You.
- Attack
If narcissists feel unappreciated, mistreated, or simply threatened, they go into what is called narcissistic rage. While in this state, they can feel extremely angry and justified in destroying you.
As a result, they may attack you directly: by screaming, physically assaulting you, throwing things around you, threatening to hurt or even kill you, breaking or stealing your things, etc. Sometimes, they take a less direct approach and begin plotting to sabotage you, for example, by trying to fire you, slander you (character assassination), or involve others behind your back (triangulation, gossip, drama).
- Take credit
While narcissists never admit their mistakes, they are quite happy to claim credit for someone else’s work. They never give others credit if they can get away with everything so they can pretend they figured it out. They also belittle the efforts of others to make them feel less important. Narcissists are known to steal, steal, and use others’ accomplishments to advance their own agendas or gain social status. - Playing the victim
From all of the above, it is now clear that narcissists try to appear strong and in control, but when someone stands up to them or calls them on their bullshit, they often break down and turn into a helpless victim who is treated unfairly. I’ve heard and observed many experiences where it seems almost comical because what they are doing is so obvious. However, they still desperately try to appear as a pathetic victim in order to extract sympathy from anyone they can.
