Bad relationships from the past can leave a bitter aftertaste.
We often carry unnecessary emotional burdens that may disrupt our future relationships as well. But if we change our perspective and take our experiences of bad relationships as positive, there are a lot of valuable life lessons to be learned from them.
Do you struggle over and over because of bad relationships? Are you unhappy that you are wasting time on all these losers and wondering if you will ever find the right one?
Don’t give up!
There are so many lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will set you up for success when you find the right person.
What kind of lessons? let me tell you…
7 Valuable lessons to learn from bad relationships
1) What do the red flags look like?
If you’re not familiar with the term “red flags,” let me explain.
Red flags are signals that something bad is ahead. Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes it isn’t. Too often we ignore them. And when we do, disaster strikes.
How could that sound like a red flag?
Some are hidden. Perhaps he talks a lot about his ex-wife or has a bad relationship with his mother. He may not have been able to hold down a job. He may refuse to talk about anything difficult.
Some are more obvious. Maybe he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship or kids are out of questions. He might be telling you that your male friend has to go.
The thing about red flags is that we often see them and either ignore them or just excuse them away. Hopefully, bad and failed relationships help you realize that those red flags can be subtle and that if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have saved yourself a lot of pain.
2) What not to do.
One lesson can be
s is what not to do next time.
Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in bad or failed relationships because of it.
For many people, we tend to personalize the things that happen in a relationship. If our guy comes home late, it’s because they don’t like us. If they don’t put their dirty clothes back where they are, they won’t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we are not important to them.
And while those things may be true in some cases, more often than not things that have nothing to do with the other person are about misjudgment and neglect.
So, don’t take it personally – it’s not just about you.
The other thing people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and antagonize.
Instead of facing a problem head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our discontent and act on it. On top of that, we continue to toy with an issue, cutting thousands of small pieces, to the point where our partner no longer cares what our concerns are.
These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. And there are others.
Take a good look at your role in this relationship – bad relationships are rarely caused by one person’s behavior. Find out what is yours and take a note.
3) This enable is not supported.
Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and tried to save it with your support?
Many of us, women, especially, think that if we can just support our person, the relationship will survive.
If we are patient while our partners work late hours, hold hands when they feel insecure again about something that happened at the gym, or look the other way when they have their third vodka after dinner, we think they will notice us and stay in love with us. Perhaps their annoying behavior will change.
Unfortunately, this “support” is more “enabling” and enabling is not good in any relationship.
If you keep looking the other way when your partner is drunk, ignoring you because of work, or yelling at you over their insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behavior is okay. And if your partners think their behaviors are good, they will never change.
If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either talk about them or walk.
Read : The One Thing You Must Do To Cut A Toxic Partner Out Of Your Life Completely
4) What traits do you want in a partner?
One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what you want in a partner.
Even when we cling to bad partners, we start to see the shortcomings very clearly, and so we can understand perfectly what we want if we are in charge of the world.
I had a guy who I loved but was hopelessly insecure, wanted to please everyone, quick-tempered, lived with a lot of fear, and was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was struggling.
When I was finally free from that relationship, I set out to find a man who knew who he was, who was patient, kind, and steady. I was very clear about it and finally found what I was looking for.
5) This surrender is not giving up.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients who struggle with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me they don’t let go because they don’t want to give up! They did not withdraw.
And I always tell them the same thing — that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you’re the only one making the effort, or the efforts you both make aren’t working, it’s not a matter of giving up. Only you can control your efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can’t control someone else. Don’t give up if your partner doesn’t give their all either.
So, if you have a problem with “giving up”, don’t do it! Know that you can let go of the love that doesn’t serve you and move forward with your head held high, knowing that you did the best you could.
6) How strong are you?
For those of us who survive bad relationships (which we pretty much all do eventually), we know how strong we are.
By having the audacity to let go of a love that wasn’t serving you, you are reclaiming your power, a power you may have lost in the struggle that was due to your bad relationship.
Talk to someone who escaped a bad situation and you’ll see someone who may be sad, maybe really sad, but someone who feels empowered and able to do so.
Letting go of bad relationships is hard – do it and you’ll feel stronger than ever.
Read : Are You Married To A Narcissist? Here’s What You Need To Know
7) Being alone is better than being unhappy.
One lesson that can become very clear when you’re in a bad relationship is how much better it can be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.
There is nothing worse than suffering day in and day out from a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you all day and is there when you go to bed at night.
Sure, when you’re alone, you might spend some time alone on the couch watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your time. You can do whatever you want. And though you may feel miserable because you’re alone, I can promise you that it’s not as miserable as you might feel if you spent your days grappling with bad relationships.
