If you find yourself a victim of narcissistic abuse, here’s the truth: None of it was your fault, because narcissists are the ultimate emotional predators.
You’ve probably heard about narcissistic personality disorder by now, but someone doesn’t have to have a full-blown case of narcissistic personality disorder to have enough narcissistic traits to make it dangerous to get involved with it.
It may seem like you didn’t get involved with him, but rather that he got involved with you. One day you were flirting with this guy who you thought looked great, and the next thing you knew, you were in an intense, committed relationship right away, and you can’t remember exactly how it happened.
That’s because narcissists are masters of survival. It’s as if they have a sixth sense to recognize people with personality traits that make them more likely to fall in love with a charismatic narcissist, and to stick around and care for them even after they reveal their disgusting inner selves. This is where knowing how to deal with a narcissist will help you remove them from your life.
Related: How To Move On From A Narcissistic Ex That’s Found New ‘Love’
But do you recognize the signs of narcissistic personality disorder? If you can identify the traits in the seven statements below, you may be at a higher than average risk of being targeted by a narcissist.
- You have something the narcissist wants (money, power, position, lifestyle).
In a relationship where a narcissist is involved, there is a unique dynamic at play. It starts with a hook – a dream, which you often think is about you but for the narcissist it is all about control.
Sometimes a narcissist can seem helpful, and then when things don’t go well, the tables turn on you. Once you catch him or try to get him to take responsibility, tension mounts.
- You have a caregiver nature and a strong need to help others.
For a while, the relationship seems like a match made in heaven but it’s a quick ticket to hell. In the early stages of the relationship, the caregiver’s generosity and kindness are expressed.
The Giver has someone he adores, and being the center of the universe fulfills well the selfish needs of the emotional vampire. However, as the relationship becomes more intimate, the narcissist absorbs the relationship’s time, energy, and resources while gaining control.
- You have a compassionate and empathetic disposition.
Narcissists have a reason for everything that happens in their lives and nothing is ever their fault. Of course, you’re listening and you want to help, but if you find yourself saying, “I was just trying to be nice…” too often, and if a part of you feels used, there’s probably an unhealthy dynamic going on within you. He plays.
In fact, empathic personalities and caretaker types are prime candidates for emotional vampirism.
Related: 5 Tips For Surviving Co-Parenting With A Narcissistic Ex
- I grew up in a dysfunctional environment.
Your past may make it difficult to spot boundary violations when they happen, which may lead you to ignore your intuition when someone violates your trust. Narcissists don’t like boundaries. If a person has an inability to control them, maintain them, or accept blame when they are violated, the predatory type feels weak and uses it to their advantage.
Sometimes, narcissists perform hero-like actions, but instead of encouraging independence or empowerment in their partner, they use their help as a way to create dependency.
- You are lonely and feel a desperate need to find love.
“Find a need, fill the need” is the narcissist’s motto. It is easier to control a person with low self-esteem than a person with a high sense of self-confidence. At first, intensity seems good because it can be mistaken for emotion, but the narcissist is incapable of transparency.
The intensity slowly diminishes and the cold, calculated act leaves you wondering what went wrong and striving to find the loving person you thought you knew.
- Accept blame willingly, even for things you didn’t do.
As the relationship deteriorates, narcissists use guilt and blame to “prove” that you are the problem. Empathic and sensitive individuals are highly vulnerable to the blame game due to their reflexive nature. The narcissist will say, “If you hadn’t done _ or _, you would be very angry.”
