Before delving into the details of the concept of golden child syndrome, know that every parent dreams of a golden child until they know how to create one.
Parents want their children to have the best resources possible, and they strive to provide them with the necessary education, shelter, food, and rest.
At the very least, parents have their children’s best interests in mind. But in a family where a parent displays narcissistic traits or is clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, the dynamics are dramatically different.
Related: 5 Steps To Finally Heal (And Move On) From Your Narcissist Parent
#What is golden child syndrome?
In a healthy family structure, parents feel self-confident and provide their children with a warm and productive environment to ensure their all-round development. These parents know how to balance the need to exercise control over their children and gain independence.
Healthy parents rely on transparency, empathy, and understanding to develop a secure attachment with their children. They don’t rely on criticism, body shaming, guilt, or other dark manipulative tactics to create broken, insecure, withdrawn, and anxious children.
Narcissistic parents have no sense of self and live their entire lives behind the facade of a pretentious self. This self requires constant nourishment to maintain it.
A family in which one or both parents are narcissists means that the child becomes merely a source of narcissistic supply to maintain the survival of the false self. The thing that is supposed to nurture and contain the structure for building a healthy child, turns into a drama in which the child plays the role of savior and sacrifices his sense of self to satisfy the false self of his parents.
The parents’ boundaries spread along with their child’s boundaries and the child never gains an individual sense of self and this is how the golden child is made.
The golden child is essentially an extension of the narcissistic parent.
Hence, he is the embodiment of perfection, the “good child”, the “special child” who is a reflection of all the impeccable qualities of the parents and, therefore, should regularly strive to inculcate and facilitate those qualities of a virtuous person. , the ones portrayed by their parents.
Everything the child touches turns to gold, hence the name.
The golden child cannot shake the feeling that he is special but is unable to find within himself the reasons why he is so. There is an underlying longing to be accepted as they are, with their flaws and weaknesses, rather than to be praised for the brilliant person they are not.
What is a scapegoat child?
Narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves, and for the scapegoat child, they are everything they don’t like. In a narcissistic family, the scapegoat child is the chosen child in the family who takes upon himself everything that the narcissistic parents do not like about themselves.
Having a scapegoat child is also a way to exert control and use the scapegoat as a tool that is often presented as a desired system.
This can be commonly seen through the feature of comparison with the golden child of the family, “If you were like your brother you would not do this or you would do that.” This also encourages the golden child to please his parents more.
However, some people say that it’s better to be the scapegoat than the golden child because you leave with a little less psychological damage, even though it’s still not possible to have a picnic. The scapegoat relatively leaves behind his own identity and sense of reality that enables him to connect with others, while the golden child has difficulty finding a sense of self. Although all trauma is internal and affects people differently.
Now that you know how a golden child comes into being in a narcissistic family, let’s take a look at some of the traits of a golden child.
Here are 7 traits of the golden child, and how they are affected by narcissistic parents:
1. They are competitive
As mentioned earlier, the golden child is a reflection of a narcissistic parent. This child has a very competitive nature, always striving to win.
In a narcissistic family, children are pitted against each other to encourage competition. Therefore, this golden child grows up with a very competitive nature.
They often take personal risks to ensure they come first in all aspects of life. Their self-confidence and sense of self-esteem depend on external sources of reinforcement, such as achievements, praise, and titles. This leads me to the second characteristic, which is…
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2. They are hardworking
Which child loves studying? No one but the golden child in a narcissistic family. Unlike other kids, he is very excited to go to school and participate in the competitive events that they love.
School is the best place to be. Going to school is the most enjoyable part of the day for them. They thrive best in competitive situations. They are bold and forward in dealing with competition.
There is no doubt that they are the famous stars in the class. It never fails to secure a place in a teacher’s good books because it shines.
They set a benchmark for their fellow students. They prefer to teach their friends some intellectual topics that need help with their homework.
3. They abide by their parents’ rules
One can find most children rebellious due to being dictated and controlled. But for the golden child, the rules set by his parents are his ultimate rule book.
They never question their parents’ decisions. They even end up sacrificing their own choices to accept their parents’ choices.
4. They have productive hobbies
Video games and TV shows are not a child’s golden cup of tea. They prefer to engage in truly inspiring and productive hobbies, which provide them with the opportunity to better themselves.
They find time better spent reading books, exercising, playing a musical instrument, drawing, or doing creative activities.
5. They are social
This child is a talker, who attracts the attention of many. They are the center of attention at a house party. All the other kids in their circle of friends look up to him.
They are often armed with good communication skills and persuasive abilities, while they are not gullible. They also have a natural talent for sports and outdoor games.
6. They are sensitive to criticism
This child knows that he/she is exclusive. They know that they are not like other children. Oftentimes, they put themselves on a higher pedestal than they can count on.
Being very sensitive to criticism, they do not like to be criticized for everything they say or do.
Related: I Almost Missed This Subtle Red Flag On My First Date With A Narcissist
7. They strive for perfection
From a young age, this child tends to be obsessed with perfection. They want their clothes to be clean and tidy, their food to be exactly how they want it, their rooms to be organized and tidy, and their schoolwork to be error-free.
They frustrate themselves when they fail to live up to their unrealistic expectations.
Oh boy! The description looks clean. Who doesn’t want to be a golden child? And if you are an expecting mother, then yes, this is how you want your child to be full of virtues.
But many fail to see the fragile character in her making, behind the mask of aura and charm. Everything they touch is gold (hence the name) until they grow old and their world crumbles into a ruin of confusion.
The golden child rarely develops psychologically and emotionally to be unique. This means that these children growing up struggle to find an identity for themselves.
When they grow up, these children will be almost unable to take care of themselves and make their own decisions.
A golden child who has been subjected to narcissistic parenting may suffer from the following psychological and emotional problems as he grows up:
1. They tend to be hypervigilant and have manic traits.
2. They are very sensitive to criticism
3. They tend to become paranoid.
4. They do not fully understand or respect boundaries in relationships.
5. They are people pleasers.
6. They have weak decision-making skills.
7. They make poor judgment
8. They crave constant attention
9. They have difficulty dealing with daily obstacles and hassles.
10. They lack emotional sensitivity and tend to become detached. They fail to make meaningful connections.
11. They often manipulate people or relationships for their benefit.
12. They are uncomfortable with uncertainty.
13. They often grow up with narcissistic traits.
Can the golden child become a narcissist?
It depends on how strong the child’s will is, but sometimes yes he can. The golden child is shaped to become a miniature version of his parents. They are given and projected into the worldview of the affected parents, and while they are given all or most of the attention they absorb the emotional damage alongside it.
The above facts depict the costly side effects of nepotism. Almost every family has a golden child, and it affects not only the child but also anyone closely associated with him, especially his siblings.
As a parent, the least you can do is never forget to allow your child to exercise the independence they deserve. The following words by Erik Erikson are for you to read and imbibe for yourself as a parent:
