Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that almost every library in the world has a self-help section?

And that most of the books in the self-help section revolve around how to make relationships successful.

There’s a book for every issue: fear of intimacy, poor communication, lack of sex drive, infidelity, finding the right partner, etc.

Whenever I feel like something is wrong with me because I’ve been through disastrous romantic relationships, it helps to remember how many millions of these books there are.

Related: 6 Early Warning Signs Of A Toxic, Abusive Relationship

If everyone had it all together except me, they wouldn’t still be publishing, would they?

People are buying these books in large numbers. This is because everyone faces difficulty in relationships.

Even this couple who looks so happy on Instagram — maybe especially them.

Believing that everyone has it all figured out and that I’m fundamentally flawed is just a self-defeating idea that doesn’t help me find love.

Here are seven other toxic beliefs that are keeping you from finding love:

1. You think you don’t deserve love.

Deep down, you’re sure you’re a terrible person.

You have disgusting personal habits. You are selfish, petty, and have bad thoughts. If anyone knew your truth, they would run screaming in the other direction.

Congratulations – you are human.

The truth is that we are all terrible and unlovable to some degree. No one deserves to be loved. But we love each other anyway because we’re committed to it.

Life is better when we are not alone.

So we marry the wrong people, we struggle to be faithful, we fight with each other — and it’s worth it.

If any of us deserve love, so do you.

2. You think you’re bad at relationships.

If you’re reading this, all of your relationships have likely failed in one way or another.

Maybe you’re single, or maybe you’re in an unhappy partner – either way, you’ve probably decided the problem is with you.

You don’t know how to have a healthy relationship. That you can’t lower your guard and be vulnerable enough to be loved. That you always choose the wrong person to fall in love with.

But listen: In every relationship, you learn something that can make you better in the next one.

They say the only way to fail is to stop trying. So keep trying.

Don’t stay stuck in a bad relationship, and don’t give up on finding love. I’ve got this.

3. You think relationships should be easy.

Although the self-help industry dedicated to solving relationship problems is booming, there are people (and maybe you are one of them) who secretly believe that when the right person comes along, everything will be easy.

You’ll agree on how quickly or slowly you’ll hit relationship milestones like moving in together, you’ll never argue, and you’ll never accidentally say something devastating to your partner (and you certainly won’t say anything terrible on purpose).

If you’re clinging to this perfect, easy relationship, you better get used to being single.

Because no matter how great the compatibility between you and your partner is, and how healthy your relationship is, it will still be difficult sometimes.

Related: 5 Things You Don’t Realize You Do Because You’re Addicted To Toxic Relationships

4. You expect relationships to be difficult.

Well, relationships are hard.

But if that’s what’s keeping you from jumping in with both feet, listen up: It’s tough, but it’s not forever tough.

Couples therapists—and happy couples—Linda and Charlie Bloom, authors of Secrets of Great Marriages: The Real Truth from Real Couples About Lasting Love, writing in Psychology Today that learning to get into a relationship is like any other skill: Most of the hardest work comes early.

“It takes a lot to stay there and get through the tough times,” they write. “The effort required is often significant and the challenge can be daunting, leading many to conclude that it is not worth it or that they do not have the stamina and perseverance to work forever at this level.”

Hang in there and get over that hump, and it will get easier. Prepare.

5. You think you don’t have time for romance.

You have a busy life, with many different priorities to juggle.
Between your demanding career, your aging parents, your needy siblings, your amazing friends, and all your secret ambitions, who has time to devote to a relationship?

Do you need to spend more time in your already full life? Surprisingly, many people think this way.

But what’s great about a healthy, loving relationship is that it doesn’t take energy away from all those other parts of your life.

It gives you more energy for them.

Having a partner makes everything in your life better and easier.

If not, why would any of us bother?

6. Don’t think there’s anyone out there for you.

Look, online dating is enough to test anyone’s faith in humanity.

It’s easy to give up and conclude that there is no one for you. Maybe what you want doesn’t exist.

But, as my father used to charmingly say, there is a lid for every pot.

There are millions of people in the world, and many of them may be a good fit for you.

You don’t have to settle for an unhappy relationship or resign yourself to being alone forever.

Maybe take time out from dating for a while and spend some time thinking about what you want from a relationship — but don’t give up.

7. You are afraid to ask for what you want.

How many of us are afraid to ask for what we want, so much so that we don’t even admit what we want for ourselves?

As one of my favorite self-help gurus, Rob Bell, says in my favorite episode of his podcast, “The problem isn’t your desires. The problem isn’t that you want too many things. The problem is that you don’t want enough.”

He not only urges us to ask for what we want but to ask for more.

If you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it.

So don’t back down.

The only thing standing between you and the relationship you want maybe you.