January is the month of shedding the old and bringing in the new. So, it’s no wonder that January is unofficially called “Divorce Month.”

If you’re not part of the movement this year, you’re probably wondering how to make sure the number of divorces doesn’t increase next year. Time to be proactive!

According to relationship coaches Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman, these are some unproductive patterns you need to break to have a better year with your partner.

7 Toxic behaviors that couples should avoid if they want their relationship to last

1. Making promises out of compliance rather than commitment

Whether you’ve promised to commit to your partner for life or you’ve promised to get rid of the trash, each promise can strengthen or destroy the foundation of your relationship. But why is this?

Breaking a promise means breaking the trust you previously built with your partner. According to psychotherapist Ashley Thorne, “Without trust in a relationship, there is no feeling of emotional security, which strips partners of their ability to be vulnerable and connected.”

She continues that multiple reasons may cause your partner to break trust in the relationship, including:

Not wanting to make the promise in the first place
Not giving priority to the promise
Lack of detail with the promise
Not wanting to work together as a couple

So, in the words of Al Freeman: “Only say yes to things you’re already committed to doing.” They suggest setting reminders and taking responsibility for mistakes we may make along the way.

2. Disrespectful non-verbal and verbal communication

You may not know it, but actions like rolling your eyes can get in the way of your relationship. When you engage in disrespectful behavior or disrespectful communication, you are telling your partner that you do not respect them.

So, instead of engaging in negative behavior, take a moment to stop and breathe. As the Freemans write: “Instead, create a respectful environment, and be more assertive and curious in your communication.”

3. Not communicating enough and setting each other up for failure

Communication can make or break your relationship — and poor communication often causes profound damage.

When there is no communication, frustration can easily build up.

For example, if you don’t communicate your expectations for the next day, how can you expect the next day to go smoothly? If you don’t tell your partner, “I play this role and you play that role,” it can leave you both feeling angry and even disrupt your schedule.

According to licensed therapist Christine Duffin, partners on the receiving end of this, “feel frustrated, insignificant, and alone in their relationship. They don’t feel optimistic about the longevity of the relationship.

If communication is a struggle for you and your partner, try:

Set healthy boundaries
Expressing more weakness
Focus on “we” rather than “me”
Come up with a plan
Be open to your partner’s suggestions

Related: 6 Tiny Signs Toxic Stress Is Slowly Eroding Your Relationship

4. Prioritize everything else except the relationship

It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important in your relationship, especially when you have children. You may start to get very busy and often spend the free time you have available sleeping away your exhaustion.

But the Freemans warn that such actions can cause a major rift in your relationship that will continue to grow larger.

“Make a date night for just the two of you. “Be creative and resourceful,” they write. Try things like creating a date night at home while your kids are sleeping.

Although it may not seem like much, small actions like these can positively impact your relationship in the long run.

5. Discussing life management only and not checking on each other

At the beginning of your relationship, you may have found yourself engaging in a more in-depth conversation. However, over time, the once thriving communication dwindled to simple life management discussion.

This shift can have a huge impact on your relationship because humans are wired to search for real connections.

According to Stanford Medicine, “People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression.” But how can you honestly create a real connection by asking if your partner did the dishes today? Let’s face it, you can’t.

So, make time for each other and make time throughout your busy day to ask your partner how they are feeling.

As therapy expert, Dr. Natalie Jones says: “Asking your partner questions helps you get to know your partner, build trust, boundaries, and intimacy; As well as getting to know your partner’s communication style.

6. Not making amends for days (or ever) after arguments

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your partner and then ignored them for the next two hours? The notorious silent treatment may seem like a problem at first, but it can quickly get ugly if it’s not addressed.

As the Freemans wrote: “Nothing, and we mean nothing, will hurt a relationship more than a lack of repair.”

They suggest staying away from reopening old wounds and, instead, prescribing debriefing and reforming your current arguments and any future arguments more positively and healthily.

Sit down with your partner and discuss how you can move forward after a disagreement together.

7. Deplete your love for each other

We can all get cranky from time to time. But is there such a thing as too much? When you constantly correct your partner or become defensive, you drain your love account.

Through these harmful behaviors, your partner can begin to feel withdrawn or defensive, which may prompt you to argue more. According to the Gottman Institute, “This often causes the couple to fall into an escalating pattern where criticisms resurface with greater frequency and intensity.”

As they point out, criticism does not aim to address behavior or actions but rather seeks to express an unmet need.

So, what are some better ways to express those needs? To get started, try using a gentle start.

Instead of saying, “You said you were going to mow the lawn, but it still looks bad,” try saying, “Hey, you still have to mow the lawn. I want you to do it now, please.” The goal here is to complain to your partner without placing all the blame on them – remember, we don’t want our partner to become defensive but receptive.

“This time of year is important to think about what you don’t want to achieve in the coming year and what change you want to make for the better,” Freeman concludes.

It may be worth trying these course correction tips to put your marriage or relationship on the right track for the coming new year!

Nobody wants to be another statistic next January.