Abuse doesn’t always mean physical wounds and scars. Abuse can also be emotional, and sometimes it can feel like gestures of love. The important thing to understand here is that just because it looks like love, it doesn’t mean it really is. Unfortunately, many people tend to mistake signs of emotional abuse for true love, but the truth is anything but that.

Your partner may do certain things for you that make you feel like all they’re trying to do is show you that they love you very much. But beneath that gentle, caring exterior, they’re pulling your strings and playing you like a doll. You may think they love you, but all they want to do is control you and make you do whatever they want you to do. This is why it is important to understand the difference between true selfless love and emotional abuse.

7 Signs of emotional abuse that resemble love

1. They want to know everything about you. Everything is little.
   When a guy likes you, it’s only natural that he wants to get to know you better, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But as far as the abuser is concerned, they want to know everything about you, so they can use it against you at some point in the future. They love it when you share everything about yourself — your darkest secrets, your deepest fears, the things that cause you pain, your past. You find yourself saying all this so easily because they make you feel seen, heard, and safe, and in that way you slowly start to trust them.

This is what the aggressor expects from the start. To trust them blindly. Everything you tell them is kept as ammo, which will be fired when the time is right. They remember every little thing you tell them, and in case you don’t stick to their rules, they hold you hostage by using your trust against you. It is like a sword constantly hanging over your head.

This is why it is important not to give up on anything too quickly. Always take some time and try to understand what kind of person you are with and whether or not they deserve to know all about you. Take your time and don’t trust anyone so easily.

Related: 4 Levels of Gaslighting: From Unconscious to Malicious

2. They fall in love too quickly, and they move on too quickly.
   When it seems like someone is moving too fast in too little time, know that it’s a huge red flag. True love does not happen so easily. True love takes a long time to bloom. So when someone seems to be falling head over heels for you in a few days and shows a lot of romantic intensity towards you, walk away from them. If you find yourself spending all your time with them, and feel like you’ve known each other forever, when only a few days have passed, run and never look back.

Abusive relationships start fast and intense, and before you know it, you’re in a relationship with someone who only cares about hurting and controlling you. So if the guy you’re interested in is showering you with a lot of admiration and romance, make sure you hit the brakes and take it slow. If this seems to bother and excite them, then that’s another sign that you’re with the wrong person.

3. They want to spend all of their time with you, and they expect you to do the same.
   Now, this is one of the biggest signs of emotional abuse and you should never tolerate it. In the early stages of a relationship, it is very natural to want to spend all of your time with each other, and not do anything else. Wanting to go out on dates, talking on the phone and texting all the time and making plans every single day to meet each other are just some of the things people do when they fall in love.

But when the guy you’re dating insists or rather asks that you spend all your time with them, and throws a tantrum if you refuse, that’s a big red flag. In healthy relationships, both partners like to spend time with each other, and they also like to do their own thing. But when your partner refuses to give you any personal space and doesn’t respect any of your boundaries, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

Because if you don’t shut this down as soon as possible, you could find yourself not only in an emotionally abusive relationship, but a physically violent one as well.

4. They call and text you around the clock.
   There are some people out there who don’t text or even answer your calls, and when you ask them about it, they simply shrug their shoulders and tell you they’re busy. Then there are people who call and text you as soon as they’re free. It feels great, isn’t it, to have someone who cares about you and what you have to say? Good morning and good afternoon messages, lunch hour calls, and quick replies, no matter how busy they are. Sounds like a dream, right?

It might be, except when it gets really stuffy and scary. If the guy you’re dating is constantly calling and texting you and wants to know what you’re doing at all times, that’s one of the biggest glaring signs of emotional abuse. This is their way of keeping track of your whereabouts when they are not with you, and it shows that they are very jealous.

Possessive enough is okay, but too much is not acceptable. After some point, their jealousy will feel like a noose around your neck.

5. They apologize every time and talk about new beginnings.
   “An apology without change is just manipulation.”

You must have heard this adage before, and it is perfect when it comes to understanding the sign of emotional abuse disguised as love. When you call them out on their cunning and abusive tactics, they will immediately call it out and beg for your forgiveness. But don’t be affected by their sweet words, it’s just a temporary word. They apologize because it is a temporary solution. The moment things return to normal on your part, they will also return to their abusive ways.

They will never leave you and will do everything they can to comfort you. They will tell you all the right things about how much you love them, that they can’t live without you, and how empty their life would be without you. It’s all part of their elaborate job of showing that they “love” you. The moment things get right, they will start doing the same things over and over again, and this vicious cycle will continue.

6. They want to know what you are up to all the time.
   When your partner wants to know where you are at all times, when you’re not with them, that’s something you shouldn’t take lightly. If you have to be in charge of your every move, is that really a healthy thing to indulge in? They may say they care about you and your safety and are simply looking out for you, but that is all nonsense.

No matter how convincing and honest they are, don’t let them control you to that extent. Be warned that they don’t take your phone and turn on the “share location” button so they can monitor you every minute of every day. No one in a healthy relationship would even think about doing that to their partner.

7. They tell you that no one else will love you as much as they do.
   Now this sign is perhaps the most disturbing sign of emotional abuse. When your partner constantly tells you that no one will ever love you as much as they love you, it’s not romantic, it’s toxic. Trying to manipulate and control someone by making them feel unloved and unworthy is a classic move that emotional abusers make.

By saying things like “You will never find someone as good as me”, or “What I do for you, no one else will ever do”, they are manipulating you into believing that you will never find someone better than them, and you don’t. You don’t deserve better. They play this game so that when they leave you out of the blue, you will be left with your self-esteem and self-worth destroyed.

Related: Do You Have A Nagging Spouse? Here Are 7 Signs You Should Know

If you see any or all of these signs in the person you’re dating, know that it’s not love, it’s emotional abuse. you deserve better than this. You deserve to be with someone who knows your worth and respects you, not someone who only cares about belittling and controlling you, just because they are turning away from you.