Narcissism, a personality trait associated with an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration, often leaves those around narcissists feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained. Narcissists tend to act in ways that defy logic, driven by a distorted view of the world that revolves almost exclusively around themselves. If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you may have noticed certain behaviors that seem utterly baffling. Here are seven things narcissists do that make no sense:
1. Contradict Themselves Without Noticing
Narcissists often say one thing and do the complete opposite. For example, they might insist on trust and loyalty while being dishonest or disloyal themselves. Their ability to contradict themselves is linked to their lack of self-awareness and inability to see how their actions affect others. Narcissists are highly adaptive to whatever suits them at the moment. If they believe that saying something will get them admiration or control, they will say it, even if their actions later reveal hypocrisy.
This behavior can be deeply disorienting for those around them, as it can make it hard to trust or understand what the narcissist truly stands for.
2. Gaslighting
One of the most manipulative tactics narcissists use is gaslighting—making you question your reality. For instance, they may deny things they’ve said or done, even if you have proof. Over time, this can make you doubt your own memory and perception.
This behavior makes no sense because a rational person would acknowledge facts when confronted with them. Narcissists, however, are driven by their need to maintain control and protect their image at all costs. They rewrite reality to fit their narrative, and anyone who challenges it becomes a target.
3. Blame Others for Their Mistakes
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. When things go wrong, they are quick to blame others, regardless of the actual cause. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or even in trivial situations, they find ways to make everything someone else’s fault.
This can seem perplexing because, from the outside, it’s clear who is responsible for the mistake. Narcissists, however, have a fragile ego and cannot tolerate criticism or failure. Shifting blame helps them preserve their self-image, even if it damages their relationships with others.
4. Fluctuate Between Idealization and Devaluation
Narcissists often view people in extremes—they either see someone as perfect or worthless, with no middle ground. At the beginning of a relationship, they might idealize you, showering you with praise and admiration. However, the moment you fail to meet their impossible standards, they will devalue you, treating you with disdain or cruelty.
This emotional whiplash leaves many people confused, wondering how someone who once praised them so highly could suddenly treat them with contempt. The narcissist’s black-and-white thinking stems from their inability to tolerate imperfections in themselves or others. When someone no longer serves their needs or challenges their ego, they swiftly devalue them.
5. Use Charm as a Weapon
Narcissists are often very charming, especially at the start of relationships. They know how to make people feel special, admired, and valued. This charm, however, is usually a façade, designed to manipulate and control. Once they have what they want—whether it’s admiration, attention, or power—the charm disappears, revealing their true, self-centered nature.
Related : 4 Reasons To Stay No Contact From a Narcissist
This abrupt change in behavior can be confusing and hurtful. It’s hard to reconcile the warm, charming person you first met with the cold, manipulative individual they become. The narcissist’s charm is a tool, not a genuine expression of affection or care.
6. Play the Victim
Despite their arrogance and superiority complex, narcissists often portray themselves as victims. They will exaggerate or fabricate personal grievances to elicit sympathy and manipulate those around them. This victim complex allows them to dodge accountability while painting others as the aggressors.
What makes this behavior so puzzling is the stark contrast between their grandiosity and their need to appear weak or oppressed. It’s a way to manipulate others into feeling guilty or obligated to help them. This tactic also ensures that the narcissist remains the center of attention, even if it’s through pity rather than admiration.
7. Obsess Over Control
For narcissists, control is everything. They want to dictate how others think, feel, and behave, often through manipulation, criticism, or outright demands. This obsession with control makes no sense to outsiders because most people recognize the limits of their influence over others. Narcissists, however, see themselves as entitled to control the narrative, the outcome of situations, and the people around them.
This need for control stems from their deep-seated insecurity. By controlling others, narcissists feel more powerful and less vulnerable. This behavior can manifest in micromanaging at work, dominating conversations, or even controlling finances and personal decisions in relationships.
How to Cope with Narcissists
If you find yourself in a relationship—whether personal or professional—with a narcissist, understanding these baffling behaviors can help you protect yourself. Setting clear boundaries, avoiding emotional entanglement, and maintaining a strong support system are essential strategies. Narcissists rarely change, so the best defense is often minimizing your exposure to their toxic behaviors.
In some cases, professional help or distance may be necessary. It’s important to remember that their irrational actions are not a reflection of your worth, but rather a symptom of their underlying issues. Empowering yourself with knowledge and a plan can help you avoid the worst of their manipulations and preserve your own well-being.
