Dealing with a breakup is hard, but when you’re dealing with a narcissist, it can be especially hard. It’s like trying to untie a knot that gets tighter the more you tighten it.
Now, if you’re thinking about ending things with a narcissist, get ready. They won’t let you go without a fight. They have their ways of turning things around, making you doubt your decision and even making you feel like the villain in the story.
In this article, we’re going to shed light on some of the common tactics narcissists use when dealing with a breakup. It’s not about demonizing them; it’s about equipping you with the knowledge you need to navigate this difficult situation.
So, get ready, because we’re about to dive into the mind of a narcissist during a breakup and how to come out the other side stronger.
1) They’ll Make You the Villain
One of the biggest signs that you’re dealing with a narcissist is their inability to take responsibility for their actions. Especially when things go wrong in the relationship.
Are you thinking about breaking up with a narcissist? Get ready for a big dose of guilt. They will do their best to portray you as the bad guy, the one causing all the pain and sorrow.
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It’s all part of their game. Blaming, pointing fingers, playing the victim—it’s all designed to make you question your decision, to make you feel guilty for wanting to leave.
Remember, narcissists thrive on control and power. When they feel like they’re losing it, they will try to get it back by any means necessary, even if it means portraying you as the bad guy.
But don’t be fooled. Acknowledge this for what it is—a manipulation tactic.
2) They May Suddenly Become the Perfect Partner
Yes, you read that right. Your narcissistic partner, who you decided to leave because of their toxic behavior, may suddenly turn into the partner you always wanted.
This can be very confusing. Once you’ve mustered up the courage to say goodbye, they may start behaving exactly as you wished they would all along. They may become attentive, and caring, and seem remorseful for their past actions.
This is often referred to as “love bombing.” It’s an attempt to get you back by projecting the ideal version of themselves—the version they know you’ve been craving.
It’s illogical, but it’s important to remember that this change isn’t real or permanent. It’s a tactic, a last-ditch attempt to get you to reconsider your decision.
3) They’ll Trigger Major Guilt Feelings
Guilt is a common manipulation tactic, and narcissists are great at it. When you try to break up with them, they may start reminding you of all the good times you had together, or they may play the victim and tell you how much they need you.
This resonates with me greatly. I remember a time when I was in the midst of a toxic relationship, where I felt like I was the “bad guy” because I wanted to leave.
In my book, Breaking the Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into how guilt keeps us trapped in unhealthy relationships and how to break free.
If your partner uses your empathy and compassion against you, making you feel guilty for wanting the best for yourself, this is a clear sign of manipulation. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to fix someone else—you have every right to leave a relationship that isn’t serving you.
4) They’ll Try to Make You Jealous
In their desperate attempt to keep you hooked, narcissists may resort to triggering jealousy. They may start talking about their new romantic interests or bragging about their post-breakup life, just to provoke feelings of jealousy and regret in you.
I’ve seen it happen many times—the subtle bragging, the veiled boasting, all designed to make you question your decision. But here’s the gist of the wisdom I’ve learned from these experiences: Anyone who needs to make you jealous isn’t worth your time.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once wisely said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So when they start playing the jealousy card, remember these words. It’s not a sign that you’ve lost something valuable; it’s a sign that you’re moving on from someone who isn’t worth your time.
5) They’ll try to keep you in their life
Don’t be surprised if a narcissist tries to negotiate a “friendship” with you after a breakup. They may insist on remaining friends, staying in touch, or even suggesting casual get-togethers.
This is a way for them to maintain control over you, to keep you within their reach. It’s not about caring about your well-being or valuing your companionship. It’s about keeping their options open and maintaining control.
I remember a time when I fell for this trick. The promises of friendship were comforting in the aftermath of a breakup. But over time, I realized that it was just another way for them to keep me tied down.
So, if they suggest you stay friends, think twice. You’re breaking up for a good reason. It’s okay to cut ties completely and focus on healing and moving on.
6) They’ll Trick You
Emotional manipulation is a manipulative technique where a person makes you question your perception of reality, your memory, or your sanity. Narcissists often use this strategy during a breakup to make you doubt your decision.
I’ve been emotionally manipulated, and let me tell you, it’s a confusing and devastating experience. You start to question your judgment, revisit your decisions, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a vicious cycle of self-doubt.
Remember the wise words of Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Don’t let their manipulative tactics make you question your reality or the validity of your feelings.
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7) They threaten to harm themselves or commit suicide
This is a painful and terrifying tactic that some narcissists use when you try to break up with them. They may threaten to harm themselves or even attempt suicide in an attempt to manipulate you into staying.
Let’s be clear: this is emotional blackmail. It’s the embodiment of manipulation, using your empathy and caring against you.
If this happens, it’s crucial to remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s actions or mental health. It’s okay to feel scared or upset but don’t let their threats drag you into a toxic situation.
If they make such threats, urge them to seek professional help immediately, alert their family or friends if possible, and even call emergency services if necessary. Your safety and mental well-being should always come first.
Final Thoughts
Breaking up with a narcissist is a journey full of obstacles. It takes strength, resilience, and the ability to see through manipulative tactics. But it’s important to remember that the struggle you’re facing is a testament to your courage in standing up for your emotional health.
In my experience, recognizing these tactics is the first step toward healing and reclaiming your independence. The path can be challenging, but I assure you that each step forward is a victory in itself.
As you navigate this journey, it can be helpful to delve deeper into understanding narcissism and its effects on relationships. To that end, I believe this video by Justin Brown can provide some valuable insights.
This video explores spiritual narcissism, which can be drawn in parallel to the narcissists we encounter in our daily lives. It emphasizes the importance of finding your path and not being influenced by manipulative personalities.
Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to walk away from toxic relationships and choose peace.
Take care of yourself, because you deserve love and respect—from others and most importantly from yourself.
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