Living with a narcissist can be like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands. It’s elusive, confusing, and ultimately stressful. When you’re dealing with a narcissist, everything revolves around them. Their needs, their desires, their feelings. It’s like you’re an extra in their personal movie. I’ve seen countless relationships become strained and drained because of narcissistic individuals. They have a knack for sucking the energy out of a room and making it all revolve around themselves. They’re experts at manipulating situations to their advantage, leaving you feeling frustrated and drained.
In this article, we’ll delve into the cunning tactics narcissists use to drain your energy and bring you down. We’ll expose their game, so you can recognize it when it happens and take steps to protect yourself. Because I’ll tell you, dear reader, knowledge is power when it comes to dealing with narcissists.
Let’s get started.
1) They Downplay Your Accomplishments
Narcissists have a knack for making everything about them. That includes your success and accomplishments. It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to downplay or even dismiss your accomplishments.
You see, in their world, your success has to be their success. And if it’s not, they’ll find a way to undermine it. This can be through subtle comments or outright criticism. Either way, the result is the same – you feel demotivated and unmotivated.
It’s a cunning tactic that serves two purposes. First, it keeps the narcissist in the spotlight. Second, it makes you doubt yourself and your abilities.
But remember, your accomplishments are just that – your accomplishments. Don’t let anyone take them away from you.
2) They’re Amazingly Charming
Here’s the thing about narcissists – they’re not always the villains we make them out to be. They can be incredibly charming and charismatic. This can make it difficult to recognize their toxic behavior because it’s often hidden behind a mask of charm.
This charm is a powerful tool for them. It attracts people, making it easy for them to manipulate situations and relationships to their advantage. You may find yourself feeling guilty for thinking poorly of them because they are so “nice.”
Of course, charm in and of itself is not a bad thing. But when it is used as a tool of control and manipulation, that is when it becomes a problem. Narcissists use their charm not to build real relationships but to maintain control and keep you under their influence. So, always be vigilant.
3) They make you question your reality
One of the most insidious things a narcissist can do is make you question your reality. It is a technique known as manipulation, and it is incredibly effective.
Here’s how it works: The narcissist will deny or distort the facts to fit their narrative. They will make you question your memory, your perception, and even your sanity. Before you know it, you are questioning everything and relying on them to tell you what is true.
I talk a lot about this in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a deep dive into the psychological mechanisms at play in these types of relationships, and I share strategies to help people break free from this toxic cycle.
But for now, the main takeaway is this: If someone is making you doubt your experiences or memories, that’s a big red flag. Trust yourself. You know your reality better than anyone else.
4) They Rarely Apologize
Apologies require vulnerability, and that’s something narcissists are uncomfortable with. They’ll go to great lengths to avoid admitting they’re wrong, often twisting the narrative so that you’re the one who ends up apologizing.
Not only is refusing to apologize about preserving their ego, but it’s also a way for them to maintain control. By never admitting they’re wrong, they keep you in a constant state of self-doubt and confusion.
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I’ve seen this happen countless times in the relationships I’ve worked in. It’s a frustrating and stressful cycle that leaves you feeling like you’re always the “bad guy.”
As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If you’re dealing with someone who never seems to believe they’re wrong, it’s time to step back and reevaluate the relationship. You deserve respect and accountability from your partner.
5) They React Badly to Criticism
Narcissists have a hard time accepting criticism. It’s not just that they don’t like it—they can’t handle it. Even the smallest criticism can be met with extreme defensiveness or outright hostility.
Why? Because any criticism, no matter how constructive, is seen as a threat to their self-image. It’s like a chink in their armor, and they’ll do anything to fix it as quickly as possible.
In my experience, this hypersensitivity to criticism often leads to erratic and unpredictable reactions. One moment you’re having a calm discussion, and the next you’re being accused of “attacking them.” It’s a classic diversionary tactic, designed to shift the focus from their behavior to yours.
Dealing with these reactions can be difficult. But remember, everyone has a right to express their feelings and concerns. Don’t let fear of someone’s reaction stop you from speaking your truth.
6) They Downplay Your Feelings
Narcissists are experts at invalidating your feelings. If you’re upset, it means you’re “too sensitive.” If you’re angry, it means you’re “overreacting.” This kind of rejection is hurtful and devastating and can make you feel like your feelings are invalidated.
I’ve seen many people in my field struggle to express their feelings because they’ve been trained to believe they’re “wrong” for being there. But let me assure you—your feelings are valid, and they matter.
As renowned psychologist Carl R. Rogers once said, “The strange paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” Accepting and validating your feelings is the first step toward healthier relationships and a healthier personality.
If you found this article helpful and would like to stay up to date with my latest thoughts and articles, I invite you to follow me on my Facebook page. Stay connected with me there as we explore our relationship journey together.
7) They Make You Feel Guilty for Their Mistakes
One of the most emotionally draining experiences is when a narcissist turns their mistakes into their own. They are adept at redirecting blame, making you feel responsible for their actions and their consequences.
They may make mistakes, but somehow, you end up being the one to blame. You feel guilty and confused, wondering if you did something wrong.
This isn’t just unfair — it’s emotional manipulation. It’s a way for them to avoid taking responsibility and keep you in a state of constant self-doubt.
Let me be absolutely clear: You are not responsible for someone else’s actions. You are not responsible for their mistakes. It’s hard to let go of this guilt, but it’s crucial to your emotional well-being. You deserve better, so never forget that.
Final Reflections
As we navigate our lives, it is crucial to be aware of the energy-draining tactics that narcissists use. These tactics can leave us feeling drained and depressed, but recognizing them for what they are is the first step toward protecting ourselves.
One of the most insightful resources I have come across, and one that I believe can further expand your understanding of this topic, is a video by Justin Brown. In this video, he explores the dark side of entrepreneurship and self-improvement, touching on points that resonate strongly in dealing with narcissistic behavior.
He discusses how society often celebrates the ideal of success but fails to highlight the resilience and mindset it takes to get there. This is similar to how narcissists project a facade of perfection while draining the energy of those around them.
I believe this video will provide additional insight into recognizing these draining tactics and understanding that true fulfillment comes from within, not from external validation or achieving an idealized version of success.
