Navigating relationships can be difficult, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissist. These individuals have a knack for subtly undermining your self-esteem and self-worth with seemingly casual comments.
The challenge is recognizing these comments for what they are: calculated attempts to make you question your worth. The first step to countering this is understanding these phrases and their use.
In this article, we’ll delve into some of the things narcissists casually say to undermine your self-esteem and self-worth. These aren’t just simple criticisms or jokes at your expense—they’re malicious comments designed to erode your self-esteem over time.
Okay, let’s get started, shall we? By the end of this article, you’ll be armed with the knowledge to spot these manipulative tactics and protect your self-worth.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
Navigating the world of relationships, especially with a narcissist, is like walking on eggshells. One of the most common phrases you’ll hear is “you’re too sensitive.”
At first glance, this may seem like a harmless comment. However, it’s a classic manipulation tactic used by narcissists. The goal is to make you question your feelings and reactions.
This phrase is essentially manipulation—it makes you question your own experiences and emotions. The narcissist uses it to deflect blame, making any argument or disagreement your fault because you’re “too sensitive.”
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It’s a way for them to maintain control and keep you off balance. After all, if you’re constantly questioning your reactions, you’re less likely to challenge their behavior.
Understanding this tactic is the first step to countering it. Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to express them.
2) “I only want what’s best for you”
Surprisingly, one of the most common phrases narcissists use is “I only want what’s best for you.”
It sounds like caring, right? But don’t be fooled. This is a subtle manipulation tactic. Narcissists use this phrase to justify their controlling behavior, making it seem like they have your best interests at heart.
In reality, what they’re saying is that they know what’s best for you better than you do. It’s a subtle way to dismiss your ideas and opinions, making you rely on their judgment instead.
This phrase can shake your self-confidence and self-worth over time because it continually undermines your ability to make decisions for yourself. Be aware of this tactic and remember: You are capable of determining what’s best for you.
3) “You’ll never be able to do it”
One of the phrases I’ve heard from many clients who deal with narcissists is “You’ll never be able to do it.” This is a powerful tool used to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth.
Narcissists use this phrase to plant seeds of doubt in your mind about your abilities. The goal is to make you feel dependent on them and limit your personal growth. It’s a way to control you by making you believe that you’re incapable and need their guidance or help.
This is one of the tactics I cover in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. But let’s focus on this point now: If someone tells you “you can’t,” it’s often because they fear you can.
Their fear of your potential success says more about them than it does about you. Don’t let their insecurities shape your self-belief. You are capable and worthy of achieving your goals.
4) “I don’t remember saying that”
Another common phrase a narcissist might use is “I don’t remember saying that.” This is a classic manipulation technique, designed to make you doubt your memory and perception.
A narcissist uses this phrase to deny any responsibility for their hurtful words or actions, causing you to question your version of events. Over time, this can do significant damage to your self-esteem and self-worth.
I’ve had personal conversations with clients who have been on the receiving end of this kind of manipulative behavior. It’s a stressful place to be, constantly questioning your reality.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This quote resonates deeply with me. It’s a reminder that while a narcissist may try to manipulate our emotions and memories, it’s ultimately up to us whether we allow them to succeed. Keep this in mind the next time you’re questioning your memories because of someone else’s denial.
5) “I’m not perfect, you know”
This is a phrase I’ve heard over and over again in my professional practice: “I’m not perfect, you know.” It may sound like the narcissist is admitting their flaws with this statement, but don’t be fooled.
In reality, this statement serves two purposes. First, it’s a diversionary tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful behaviors. By stating that they’re not perfect, the narcissist avoids any blame or criticism.
Second, it’s a veiled attempt to make you feel guilty for holding them accountable. The result is that you’re being unreasonable or unfair because you expect them to behave respectfully or kindly.
As someone who has firsthand experience dealing with narcissists, I can tell you that it’s crucial to remember that everyone makes mistakes. But using flaws as an excuse to repeatedly hurt or undermine someone else is not acceptable behavior. It’s manipulation, plain and simple.
6) “You’re thinking too much”
One phrase that narcissists often resort to is “you’re thinking too much.” It’s a subtle way to dismiss your feelings and fears.
By telling you that you’re thinking too much, the narcissist invalidates your fears and makes you doubt yourself. It’s a clever way to maintain control because it encourages self-doubt and lowers your self-esteem.
I’ve seen this tactic used countless times in my career. It can be incredibly damaging, causing you to question your judgment and worth.
But remember what Albert Einstein once said: “The important thing is never to stop wondering.” Your concerns and questions are valid. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
For more ideas on dealing with narcissists, I invite you to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share articles and resources to help you navigate complex relationship challenges.
7) “Can’t take a joke?”
The phrase, “Can’t take a joke?” may seem harmless, but it can be a destructive tool in a narcissist’s arsenal. It’s often used as a cover after they’ve said something hurtful or offensive.
By framing their insult as a joke, the narcissist shifts the blame onto you. You’re made to feel like you’re overreacting, being too sensitive, or lacking a sense of humor. In reality, they’re using humor as a cover for their cruel comments.
I’m going to be honest and straightforward here: This is not okay. It’s not your fault if someone else’s “joke” hurts you. You have every right to feel upset and express your feelings. Never let anyone use humor as an excuse to belittle or demean you. You deserve respect and kindness, always.
Before we part ways…
Considering the complex dance of human behavior and relationships, it’s clear that dealing with a narcissist can be a difficult experience. The subtle ways they undermine your self-esteem and confidence are often hidden behind seemingly casual comments.
Recognizing these tactics is the first step to confronting them. Once you understand what’s going on, you can begin to rebuild your self-esteem and take back control of your life.
But remember, it’s not just about understanding narcissists. It’s also about nurturing your self-love and resilience. You have the power within you to rise above their manipulative tactics and thrive.
To delve deeper into this topic, I suggest you watch the following video by Justin Brown. He explores New Age spiritual narcissism as he questions some of the groupthink in New Age circles.
This video is very helpful for people who are interested in pursuing a spiritual path, and finding meaning in life, but need some encouragement about the importance of doing so by finding your path, and not following spiritual teachers or copying others:
Finally, remember that it is okay to ask for help if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life. Whether it is a counselor, a trusted friend, or a supportive online community, do not hesitate to reach out. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you navigate it.
Stay strong and remember – you are worth more than their words.
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