I have always believed in the saying: “People come into your life for a reason, for a season, or a lifetime.”
This has always been true in my experience, especially when dealing with a narcissist.
You see when you finally begin to recognize a narcissist’s manipulation patterns and decide that they can no longer use you, it’s like flipping a switch.
Suddenly, the person who once controlled you begins to act differently.
So, what can you expect when a narcissist realizes he can no longer use you as an emotional punching bag?
Let’s dig deeper into this often misunderstood dynamic.
1) They increase their magic
It may seem counter-intuitive, but stay with me here.
When you walk away from a narcissist, their first reaction is often to increase their charm.
This tactic is known as “love bombing,” and it can be very confusing.
Suddenly, the person who was cold and distant became tender and attentive.
They shower you with compliments, gifts, and promises of change. It’s their way of bringing you back to their web.
But here it gets difficult.
This sudden behavior change is not real. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to make you think about your decision to distance yourself.
After all, the narcissist thrives on control and power.
And if they feel like it’s slipping away, they’ll do whatever it takes to get it back – even if it means playing nice for a while.
So, if you notice this shift in behavior, tread carefully.
It is important that you remain firm in your decision and not fall into the trap of their charm attack.
2) They play the victim
Here’s something I tried.
When the charm attack didn’t work, the narcissist in my life changed his tactics.
Suddenly they are the victim.
It was all about how they were misunderstood, how they were wronged, how they were suffering.
I remember one particular instance when I finally mustered up the courage to confront them about their disrespectful behavior.
Instead of admitting their actions, they quickly turned the tables.
Tears welled in their eyes as they talked about their difficult childhoods, how they always struggled to form meaningful relationships, and how they felt attacked by my accusations.
I have to admit it was a masterful display of emotional manipulation.
At first, it was unsettling. I felt guilty and confused.
It made me wonder: Was I being too harsh? Am I the one wrong?
But then I realized what was happening.
They were using their “victim” as a smokescreen to distract from their toxic behavior.
By the way, this is a common tactic used by narcissists.
When called out, they play the victim to elicit sympathy and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
3) They try to isolate you
This one hits close to home.
When a narcissist feels like he or she is losing his grip on you, he or she may try to isolate you from your support network.
You see, the narcissist understands the power of loneliness, the power that comes from having people who believe your feelings and experiences.
In my case, as I began to distance myself from narcissists, they began to undermine my relationships with others.
I know it may sound scary, but comments like “Are you sure your friends care about you as much as you think they do?” or “Your family doesn’t understand you the way I do” were common.
Their goal was to plant seeds of doubt in my mind about the people I trusted, making me more dependent on them for emotional support.
And you know what?
It was a slow and subtle process that took me a while to figure out.
But once I did, it was a wake-up call.
In essence, the realization that someone would go to such lengths to control me was both terrifying and empowering at the same time.
4) They resort to personal attacks
Personal attacks are a common weapon of choice. When the narcissists in my life realized they couldn’t manipulate me anymore, their tactics took a turn for the worse.
Now, I’m not talking about the occasional snide comment or heated argument.
No, it was much more insidious than that. It was character assassination.
Here are some of the things they will do:
Pick my insecurities
Underestimating my accomplishments
Constantly undermining my self-worth
It was like they were trying to break me down completely.
what did you learn?
These attacks are not about you. It is about the narcissist’s desperation to regain control.
You see, by attacking your sense of self, they hope to make you feel so small and insignificant that you will begin to doubt your decision to distance yourself from them.
My advice?
Don’t let their words define you or shake your resolve.
Be firm in your decision and know that their behavior reflects who they are, not yours.
5) They engage in smear campaigns
This is where things can get quite dirty.
Spreading false rumors and harmful lies about you to others. This is known as a smear campaign.
In my case, they spread rumors that I was unstable, untrustworthy, and even untrustworthy.
They aimed to discredit me and make others question my integrity. It was a painful experience, one I would not wish on anyone.
What’s amazing, albeit in a twisted way, is that narcissists often project their flaws onto the person they target.
According to psychologists, this is because they are unable to accept their flaws, so they attribute them to others instead.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of a smear campaign, know the following:
The truth always comes out in the end.
Stay strong, maintain your integrity, and remember that those who truly know and care about you will not be swayed by false accusations.
6) They hinder you
Have you ever heard of the silent treatment?
Well, when a narcissist can’t take advantage of you, he or she may simply decide to ignore you.
This is what we call “procrastination.”
In my own experience, when I stopped feeding their need for constant admiration and attention, they responded by cutting me off.
No calls, no messages, nothing. It was as if I had ceased to exist in their world.
And I’ll be honest with you, it hurts. It felt like punishment. But over time, I realized it was a blessing in disguise.
But there was a bright side: the silence gave me space.
A space to heal, reflect, and rediscover who you are outside of the influence of the narcissist.
Honestly, it was a difficult time but it was also a transformative time.
7) They try to make you jealous
This is the last tactic I want to highlight, and it’s a big one.
Maybe they are trying to make you jealous.
I wonder how?
They can flaunt a new relationship or success in your face in an attempt to elicit a reaction, to show you what you’re missing.
But here’s the thing.
This behavior is just another desperate attempt to regain control over you.
It’s not about their new partner or their success, it’s about making you feel inferior, making you doubt your worth.
In short, if a narcissist tries to make you jealous, remember this:
Their actions are a reflection of their insecurity, not their value.
Final reflection
If you find yourself nodding as you read these signs, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
But here’s the bright side – recognizing these tactics is the first step toward breaking free from their influence.
With this knowledge, you can begin to see through their manipulative behavior and stand firm in your decision not to use them again.
Remember, it’s not easy.
It takes courage to confront a narcissist, and even more so to get rid of their toxic influence.
But every step you take is a step toward regaining your self-worth and independence.
This journey can be difficult, but it is also empowering.
With each step, you will become stronger, braver, and more resilient.
And remember, you are not alone in this journey – reach out to support networks, seek professional help if necessary, and remind yourself that your worth is not determined by a narcissist.
