Do you know someone who makes you feel like crap? And I’m not just talking about the occasional roast or some friendly banter that’s gone too far.
No, this is more serious (and more consistent).
They grind you down to the point where you start questioning your core beliefs and ideas. You lose confidence when they are around and may want to avoid them completely.
So what’s going on here?
Well, there are several reasons why someone might target you. But the main thing to remember is that the problem is usually their problem, not yours.
They can feel insecure, so bring you on to make them feel better. They may want to control you, and by weakening you, they believe you are more likely to comply.
This can also be motivated by jealousy, they want equal opportunities (in their mind), so attack your achievements or relationships.
When you boil it…
It all falls under the umbrella of manipulation.
Knowing some manipulation tactics can help you spot these toxic people a mile away, allowing you to respond effectively.
Do these 7 manipulation tricks ring a bell?
1) They keep secrets
This may seem like part of the playing field, but withholding information is an incredibly effective manipulation tactic.
Have you ever heard the saying “Knowledge is power”?
If your friend knows something you don’t know (no matter how trivial) it puts him in a position of power.
But there is more.
If they then start sharing this confidential information with other people, this could amplify the effect. You will start to feel paranoid. You will also feel inferior or less important than the people they know.
In other words, it destroys your self-worth.
Psychologically, you are curious. Want to know the latest gossip. They technically have something you want and refuse to give it to you. You may also feel isolated.
But remember – the secret is probably not that interesting.
And if you’ve heard that before, you’re probably thinking, “Is this it?” Much like a roller coaster, it’s the anticipation that gives you the strongest feelings, rather than the climatically anticlimactic main event.
2) They make fun of you (in front of others)
We’ve all experienced being the butt of jokes.
It’s usually just casual teasing about something stupid we said or did.
Let’s be honest, it’s pretty funny when you fall down in public and everyone notices.
You even laugh about it yourself.
But when things get personal, premeditated, and persistent, pay attention. It could be a more malicious attempt to undermine your self-worth.
There are some key differences.
For example, the odd laugh about the time you locked yourself out of the house is a playful quip. While making fun of your height in front of friends is a completely different matter.
An attack on your physical appearance, your accent, your family background, or anything you can’t easily control is a direct hit to your self-esteem.
3) It (somehow) makes you feel guilty
Have you ever confronted someone about their toxic behavior, then walked away from the conversation feeling like the bad person?
Guilt tripping is a classic tactic used by serial manipulators.
It works because you care about the other person (and they know it). They take advantage of your emotions and prey on your strong feelings.
For example, you call your partner and he answers the phone sarcastically:
“Wow, you finally have the chance to call me!”
Here’s the thing – there’s actually an easy way to deal with someone who feels guilty.
First, you have to remain objective. Of course, this is easier said than done, but talk to friends about the situation or even post on Am I the Jerk? To get an unbiased point of view.
Next, call them on it!
It’s best to nip it in the bud before things escalate, as this type of emotional blackmail likely won’t resolve itself.
4) They like to give you ultimatums
Master manipulators often use threats to undermine your self-worth and make you comply with their demands.
Because what does an alarm do?
It forces you to think about the consequences of disobeying her. This in turn generates one of the most powerful and basic human emotions – fear.
In other words, you will feel trapped and anxious.
Just remember – this is exactly what they want!
5) They try to isolate you
Isolation puts you in a vulnerable position.
Toxic control freaks know this and use isolation to undermine your self-confidence and make you more dependent on them.
They will slowly but surely push you away from friends and family.
It might start with you skipping a few social events, but before you know it, you’ve missed the last three family Christmases.
By limiting your interactions, they sever your relationships and make you rely on them more for validation and emotional support.
6) They use triangulation
Triangulation involves introducing a third person into a relationship to get what you want.
A classic example of triangulation is flirting with another man to make your husband jealous.
It is a special form of malicious manipulation because it results in two victims – one person is used and another person is emotionally manipulated.
