If you’re in a relationship with someone who can be selfish, you know that they can be a bit difficult to deal with at times.
The behaviors of a selfish person in a relationship can be subtle and often leave you feeling confused or neglected.
You may notice that they always put their needs first, or struggle to empathize with your feelings. They may seem overly self-centered, leaving little room for you.
Keep in mind that selfishness isn’t necessarily a mental health diagnosis, but rather a personality trait. And like any trait, it can vary greatly from person to person.
Understanding these subtle behaviors and the psychology behind them can provide valuable insight into your relationship. It may even help you find ways to better interact with a selfish partner.
So, let’s dive in to explore the subtle behaviors of selfish people in relationships, according to psychology.
1) The “Ego-First” Mentality
This is one of the most common behaviors of selfish people in relationships. They tend to put their own needs and desires above all else, often ignoring their partner’s feelings or needs.
For example, you may notice that they make plans that cater only to their interests, or frequently interrupt you to direct the conversation back to themselves. This “ego first” mentality can make you feel unheard or unimportant in the relationship.
But don’t confuse this with assertiveness or self-care. It’s natural to prioritize our own needs at times, but a consistent pattern of this behavior can be indicative of a more selfish approach to the relationship.
It’s not about calling your partner “selfish,” but rather understanding this subtle behavior that may be affecting the dynamics of your relationship. By recognizing this, you can take steps toward fostering a more balanced, mutually respectful relationship.
2) Unexpectedly Showing Extreme Generosity
Surprisingly, selfish individuals can sometimes appear to be extremely generous. They may shower you with gifts or grand gestures, but the motivation behind these actions is often selfish.
This behavior can be confusing. After all, isn’t generosity a sign of a giving and caring personality?
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It may be, but in the case of selfish individuals, these acts of “generosity” are usually designed to keep the spotlight on them, or to manipulate your emotions to their advantage.
For example, they may put on a grand display of their generosity in public to gain admiration and praise, or they may use their acts of kindness as leverage in future disputes.
It’s important to recognize this hidden behavior and understand its underlying motivations. Remember, true generosity is about giving without expecting anything in return.
3) Struggles with Empathy
Selfish individuals often have difficulty truly empathizing with others. This is because empathy involves stepping outside of one’s own perspective to understand and share another person’s feelings.
In a relationship, this can manifest as a lack of understanding or dismissiveness of your feelings. When you’re upset or excited about something, they may not share your emotional response or even appear indifferent.
According to research in social neuroscience, our brain’s ability to empathize is linked to a network called the mirror neuron system.
This system allows us to understand and mirror the emotions of others. However, for selfish individuals, this system may not be as responsive.
Seeing this behavior can serve as a stepping stone toward constructive communication. This may include explaining your feelings more clearly or seeking professional guidance to develop empathy skills.
4) Difficulty accepting criticism
No one enjoys criticism, but for selfish individuals, it can be particularly difficult. They may react defensively or dismissively when faced with feedback or constructive criticism.
In a relationship, this can lead to communication barriers, as you may feel hesitant to raise issues or express dissatisfaction for fear of their reaction.
However, it’s important to remember that their struggle with criticism is likely stemming from a place of insecurity or fear, not ignoring your feelings. They may be protecting their self-image or trying to avoid feelings of inadequacy.
Approaching these situations with patience and understanding can help foster open dialogue. Instead of direct criticism, try to express how you feel about their actions. This gentle approach can make it easier for them to hear your concerns and work on them.
5) Tendency to dominate conversations
We’ve all had those conversations where we feel like we’re just spectators, not participants. This can often be the case when interacting with a selfish person.
They may constantly steer the conversation toward themselves or their interests, leaving little room for you to contribute or share.
In a relationship, this can mean that your stories, thoughts, or feelings don’t get the attention they deserve. Your partner may be so focused on expressing their own thoughts that they inadvertently ignore yours.
But remember, communication is a two-way street. It’s okay to assert yourself and express your need for balanced dialogue. After all, your thoughts and feelings are just as important and valuable to the conversation—and the relationship—as theirs.
6) Overfocusing on Accomplishments
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with your partner where it feels like a constant spotlight on their accomplishments and successes? This is another subtle behavior of selfish people.
For example, let’s say you’ve had a tough day at work. You start sharing your experiences, but before you can finish, they start talking about how they handled a difficult project or how their presentation was highly appreciated by their boss.
This constant focus on their accomplishments can make you feel like your experiences and accomplishments are being overlooked.
Understanding this behavior can help you address it, and perhaps find a way to ensure that your accomplishments and challenges are recognized and appreciated in the relationship.
7) Unwillingness to Compromise
A relationship is a partnership, and like any good partnership, it requires a certain level of give and take. However, with selfish individuals, you may find that the balance often tips in their favor.
If they seem to take a firm stand on most issues, from choosing a restaurant to making important life decisions, this is a subtle sign of their selfish behavior. They may insist on getting their way without considering your preferences or feelings.
It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about respect and balance in the relationship. Stand up for your position when necessary and express your needs clearly. Your opinions and preferences are just as important as theirs. Compromise is strength, and a healthy relationship thrives on it.
Remember, It’s Not About Blame
As we’ve concluded, it’s important to remember that identifying these behaviors isn’t about pointing fingers or blaming your partner. It’s about understanding the dynamics that may be affecting your relationship.
People can change, and selfish individuals are no exception. With open communication, empathy, and in some cases professional help, it’s entirely possible to overcome these challenges and foster a healthier relationship.
Most importantly, your feelings and needs are valid. Don’t let them overwhelm or ignore them. You deserve to be in a relationship that is characterized by mutual respect and consideration.
