Adult men suffer in many ways because of being unloved as children. These problems can range from minor to completely unbearable, adding anxiety and toxic behavior to the stressors of normal life.

There are many forms of child maltreatment, including physical and mental abuse. However, we do not seem to have analyzed childhood neglect correctly.

Negligence can be intentional or unintentional. First, you could be a man who suffered from neglect as a child, but it was only because of immature and selfish upbringing in your family. Then again, she could have been subjected to willful neglect and a lack of basic love.

Unloved children and their difficulties

Being unloved as a child can be devastating in adulthood. Relationships, jobs, and friends can be affected by your past. It’s important to understand where certain feelings come from – your roots – but it’s also important to recognize the cause of your current struggles. So, what are some of the struggles that unloved children face in adulthood?

1. Attracted to toxicity
   Unloved children suffer from toxic relationships in adulthood. You see, they are subconsciously looking for unhealthy partnerships because they are aware of the traits that the person they love displays. These traits resemble some of the same characteristics they experienced from their childhood caregivers.

The brain recognizes patterns and follows these patterns because they seem “natural” and familiar. The brain of the unloved son matches the memory with external stimuli. In general terms, men seek the same form of relationship they had in childhood, which was also unhealthy. Until they recognize the pattern and realize its harms, it will be repeated.

2. Depression and anxiety
   It is not surprising that men with depression or anxiety have a history of childhood neglect. Being neglected and unloved in childhood, and not recovering from this, can cause intense negative feelings that lead to depression. It can also cause unjustified fears and anxious behaviour, as unloved children constantly fear being neglected again.
3. Trust issues
   If you are an unpopular child, you probably have trust issues. Every time you are asked to trust someone, it seems almost impossible to do so.

Let’s think about this: Your mother, father, or other family members haven’t even been able to develop a healthy attachment with you. Therefore, they cannot be trusted to love you unconditionally. Thus, in adulthood, trusting another person with other things can be one of the most difficult tasks in the world.

4. Reliability issues
   Suffering from neglect in childhood can cause severe codependency problems in adulthood. You see, codependency is when you feel like you can’t function properly unless you’re connected to another person. And that’s not a healthy attachment, it’s kind of an obsessive attachment, where you’re trying to develop a strong bond that you didn’t have as a child.

Unfortunately, this attempt at interdependence goes so far that it creates a strong codependency – you base every aspect of your life according to someone else.

5. Feeling isolated
   Some men choose to be alone, and that’s totally okay. But there are others who isolate themselves because they believe that forming connections is impossible. This means having few or no friends, staying away from family members, and never becoming romantically involved.

It’s a kind of opposite reaction to codependency. Instead of becoming overly attached, isolated men believe that since they were unlovable in childhood, it is better to be alone in adulthood. Although introversion is not unhealthy, isolation can be. This is because there are different motives and reasons behind these choices.

6. Insecurity
   Men suffer from insecurity, sometimes at chronic levels.

Due to the absence of love in childhood, a boy’s self-esteem can become so low that he develops narcissistic behaviors long before adulthood. This continues to develop into a false sense of security. This false security acts as a mask to cover up real insecurities that arose as a result of negligence. This type of insecurity can manifest itself in lying, anger, and deceit, causing problems at work and in relationships.

7. Fear of failure
   When children are unloved, they grow up feeling like they have let their families down. So, to avoid further failures, they tend to show strange traits. The fear of failure, when it comes to men, manifests itself in “playing it safe,” where instead of taking risks, these individuals just do what is easy.

The fear of failure also manifests itself in “blame shifting,” where they are never willing to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes. A man suffering from neglect feels that if he admits to making a mistake, he will never be loved again. This cannot happen.

Unloved sons can become unloved men

Unfortunately, the struggles of adult men who were neglected as children can hurt them in lasting ways. Personality disorders are common consequences of childhood trauma, and these disorders can increase men’s isolation from others.

The negative traits that arise from some of these conflicts can push others away and cause serious damage. Adults who do not seek help with these issues will believe their lies and quickly backslide as a result of their struggles.

If discovered in childhood, scars of neglect can be reversed. Just keep in mind that the longer a son remains unloved, the more likely the man will become unbearable and miserable in adulthood.