Narcissists and Christmas can make for a very challenging holiday season.
Are you in a relationship with someone who spoils every seasonal celebration?
Does your friend or co-worker have a special font that they keep for occasions when others feel festive and fuzzy?
Does your aunt ask questions about your dating situation — and taunt you about your status as singles? Or that your sister needs all the focus on her – and creates a scene when she doesn’t get it?
You may be dealing with a narcissist.
Narcissists and other toxic people love the holiday season. But, not for the same reasons that you and I do.
While most of us look forward to holiday celebrations and extra time with family, narcissists approach Christmas and the New Year with dread…and agendas. They were not at all affected by the happiness and anticipation that swept around them. They are incapable of forgiving any time of the year or any event in which they might be expected to show responsibility and loyalty to the people they care about (unless they bombard love or doom).
People who are closest to narcissists often become less focused on them during the holidays, and so narcissists tend to act out more during the holiday season, performing seasonal devaluation and ignoring, triangulating family members, and generally creating more drama and chaos to force people to return attention to them.
If you’ve been with a narcissist for a while, I don’t have to tell you how awful they can be during the most treasured holiday of the year. Let the narcissist throw a fit like a chimpanzee drugged with acid… You don’t need to get caught up in their drama. With these seven borders, you can rise above the chaos and still have a special holiday that will warm your heart.
1- Disengage from the narcissist
The less drama you provide to the narcissist, the better. If you don’t provide a platform for the narcissist to oppose you, you will be glad you did later. Narcissists don’t really care about you or what you think. Why exhaust yourself trying to get their approval or force them to be nice? Remember, narcissists operate from the crumbling foundation upon which their superficial personality is built. If you interact with them, before you know it, hours will vanish from your day, and you’ll have nothing to show for it.
2- Create an exit plan
As an adult who is fully able to make decisions for yourself, you have the right to get out of situations that become unhealthy without waiting for someone else’s permission.
There are many methods you can use to get out of a negative interaction or situation. For example, you can glance at your watch and say, “Omigod, look at the time, I’m supposed to get to Aunt Betsy any minute.” Then he left.
With a narcissist who is callous, demanding, or obnoxious, every moment you stay in their presence is another moment you take offense at yourself and others in your life.
Or look at your phone and say, “Excuse me, I have to take this call.” Whether there is a call or not.
Sure, the narcissist might try to become more controlling or verbally abusive, but they will do it no matter what. You might as well stick to your guns and enjoy the holidays in spite of everything.
3 – Protect yourself emotionally
Since narcissists generally believe that their ideas and approaches are better than yours, be prepared to back off if you don’t agree or share your opinion — because their point of view is firmly rooted in an “I’m right” attitude.
Do not discuss personal matters. You may be ridiculed, ridiculed or excluded. You certainly won’t get a meaningful dialogue unless you give in to their opinions or make fun of them. Why be ready for that?
4 – Pursue your Eid joy
Don’t count on a narcissist to do what he promises to do for you. They make promises to keep you involved in the relationship and hope for a healing future with them. Fake the future 101.
Go out and create your own holiday cheer; Don’t count on them to provide this for you. They won’t.
5 – Never show narcissists how their behavior affects you
It’s no mystery that narcissists enjoy hurting others. Ordinary people usually avoid hurting others because it makes them feel guilty. Not a narcissist. Narcissists shy away from causing emotional harm to others, especially during the holidays. This is exactly why they ghost you without explanation, allow you to “accidentally” see a text coming from their ex, or use your children as pawns to cause deep grief.
Don’t let them see your reaction to these behaviors. The best way to handle situations like this is to ignore them and remove your children from the situation, even if that means staying with a family member or at a hotel.
6- Do something nice for yourself and others
When you’re feeling sad, it can be easy to retreat into your shell and spend all of your time alone. Instead, select an option to focus outside of your situation. You can help children in need, sing carols at a retirement home, or spend time at an animal shelter.
You can bake cookies for your co-workers or book a spa day for yourself.
One of my followers is going to rent a chalet and spend ten days working on Break Free so she can finally begin her healing life and create a better 2023 and beyond for herself. She wants to recover so that she can fulfill her dream of becoming a crystal alignment healing practitioner.
Surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you to use your gifts and talents. Foster friendships that nourish your soul and bring out the best in you. Be the kind of friend to others, and you will feel a constant flow of positive energy that will push you towards the happiness you were born to experience.
7 Be prepared for a backlash, but don’t let it dictate your mood or plans.
Narcissists generally don’t take boundaries well. Setting boundaries with them is a straightforward challenge to overstepping your own. In the end, though, you’re still the one in control.
You may be met with anger, seek relief, or feel guilty. Try not to take this personally. The narcissist has always acted this way. Remember, it’s not you, it’s them. Don’t budge from your limits because one inch of slack will act as a welcome sign open door for narcissists.
By focusing on others, taking care of yourself, and being around positive people, you can survive and even thrive during the holidays—even after a recent separation or divorce. Let today be a new beginning and the beginning of the renewal you crave by changing your perspective and imposing your limits. When you do, you will experience an unforgettable warm holiday season.
