At any time and on any given day, you may encounter a narcissist. It could be a partner, parent, sibling, boss or friend.
If you’ve ever had a narcissist in your life, you know how hard it can be to reason with them.
It’s an emotional rollercoaster that drains your energy, time, and morale.
Learning how to deal with a narcissist is not easy. It takes a lot of focus, courage, practice, skill, and maybe even therapy.
Before anything else, I want you to know this: You are not alone.
I’m here to help you with smart, simple steps you can take to deal with a narcissist and protect your peace of mind.
Let’s move on!
1) Don’t give them your attention
Better yet, ignore their bad behavior.
Well, I know what you’re thinking: It’s not easy to walk away from a narcissist, especially when the person has their own way of pushing buttons.
But consider this: Any interaction with a narcissist leads to a power struggle.
You see, narcissists thrive on attention and feedback. They love to manipulate, dominate the conversation, and gain power over you when you are provoked.
In other words: they want you to interact with them and lose your temper.
So instead of reacting to the narcissist’s manipulative tactics, try to stay calm and detached.
An easy way to do this is to keep your conversations brief and to the point.
For example, you can simply reply “yes” or “no”. Focus on the facts and redirect the conversation as much as possible.
If the narcissist tries to control the conversation and tries to elicit a heated response from you, don’t even think twice about ending the conversation.
At the end of the day, remember that there is no point in talking if the conversation is one-sided.
2) Set and maintain clear boundaries
Here’s the deal: Boundaries are extremely important when dealing with narcissists.
This is because they often don’t realize how harmful their behavior is. It can take a lot of your time.
Even worse, they treat you with disrespect.
How do you stop falling into this cycle of abuse?
Set boundaries and be clear about them.
Let them know what you expect from a relationship or at least from a conversation. Learn to say “no” when the narcissist is intrusive.
You may be wondering: how does that work?
Here are some ways to create a healthy space between you and a narcissist:
Tell them that you will not tolerate their lies, insults and sarcasm.
If you need to, say, “You need to stop treating me like this. If you do, I’ll take a step back.”
Limit the time you spend talking to them. For example, if you have a narcissistic colleague, simply tell him, “I need to spend some time with my family after work. Please don’t call me after office hours.”
Tell them that you will not talk to them if they yell at you, curse at you, insult you, or criticize you. Tell them that you will not tolerate it when they insult you with words. If this happens, walk away.
Be gentle but firm. Stick to your boundaries and don’t let someone’s narcissistic behavior steal your peace and harm your mental health.
But here’s the thing: Oftentimes, narcissists push boundaries.
Trust will always be an issue when you are dealing with narcissists because they have no problem with breaking the rules.
So if the narcissist continues to disrespect your boundaries, it’s okay to cut ties for your own well-being.
3) Don’t think you can change them
A common mistake anyone dealing with a narcissist can make: expecting the person to change.
Think about this: Have you ever tried reasoning with a narcissist, changing their mind, or even challenging them in hopes that they would get away with their irrational behavior?
Or you may have told yourself many times: “Maybe it will be different this time. If you try harder and explain it that way, maybe he (or she) will understand.”
Next thing you know, the narcissist is getting colder and more manipulative.
It gets worse: the narcissist attacks you, blames you, and criticizes you for everything you do.
If this is you, that’s fine. Many people fall into the narcissist’s trap.
Save yourself all the pain of anger and disappointment by accepting that change likely won’t happen.
Well, I know what you’re thinking: It’s hard to believe someone could be so cold and calculating. There must be a way forward.
The truth is: There is no simple way to determine if a narcissist can change.
Numerous studies have shown that therapy can help, and research also indicates that some narcissists can develop empathy when they practice adopting another person’s perspective.
But here’s the thing: It’s hard — even impossible — to kill a narcissist’s ego.
You see, narcissists have this false sense of self — they think they are better than everyone else. They can’t see that they have a problem or they simply don’t care.
Ultimately, the biggest obstacle to a narcissist’s ability to change is his own narcissism.
What does that mean for you?
This means that the best way forward is to always expect the worst and prepare for it as much as possible.
4) Don’t take it personally
Repeat after me: “This is not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me.”
These self-affirmations are important because it can be difficult not to take verbal attacks from a narcissist personally.
Has your boss blamed you for a problem that is actually his responsibility? Have you been bullied – verbally or physically – by a family member, friend or partner?
Trust me, I know how you feel. I have experienced what it is like to be criticized and insulted by a narcissist. Many times, I doubted myself.
Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not really about you or anything you’ve done.
You see, narcissists act the way they do because they need constant validation.
In other words: their selfish tendencies are rooted in their own insecurities.
So the next time a narcissist puts you in a vulnerable position, try to take the higher road. Don’t respond with your insults.
Look at the situation objectively and ask yourself: What part of this have I done wrong? Is this person trying to manipulate me?
5) Be kind and respectful
This is connected to signature #4.
If you’ve been with a narcissist long enough, you’ll know that they love to fight.
And if you don’t resist the urge to resist, that’s a recipe for disaster—they won’t take it well, and they’ll punish you for defying them.
Instead of contradicting a narcissist, try to stay calm. Listen to what they are thinking and feeling while also reaffirming your boundaries.
Here are some examples of how you can respond with sympathy and respect. Try to use these statements to your advantage when speaking with a narcissist.
“We have different views on this matter, so we have to agree to disagree.”
“I can understand why you feel this way, but I can’t control how you feel about me.”
“Can we try to be more respectful in how we communicate with each other?”
“We won’t be able to understand each other if you keep yelling at me.”
“Please do not short me when I try to explain my side.”
“I would like to understand how we can maintain a respectful relationship.”
6) Rely on your own support system
I can’t overemphasize this: You don’t have to go through this alone.
Dealing with a narcissist can be very stressful – emotionally, mentally and physically – so you should surround yourself with a strong support system.
Make sure you have healthy relationships with family members and close friends. It is important to have people with whom you can share everything.
This inner circle will be your safe space to share the truth about your experiences. He will give you the confidence, love, and kindness you need when the going gets tough.
