Being harsh on your partner doesn’t always mean a full-blown fight or an exchange of personal insults. More often than not, it’s these small, unintentional habits that gradually undermine your relationship, and by the time you notice them, it’s too late.
You may think you’re being joking or honest with them, but have you ever asked them if they feel the same way? There may be signs you’re a toxic partner, but you haven’t taken a moment to reflect. We all make mistakes sometimes, but recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. So, let’s break down some of the subtle ways you might be abusing your partner—without even realizing it.
7 Signs You’re Abusing Your Partner
- You Don’t Take Their Feelings Seriously
Have you ever said things like, “You’re exaggerating” or “You’re making a big deal out of it, and it’s not true” when your partner expresses anger and frustration? It’s easy to dismiss their feelings when you don’t see things the same way, but continuing to do so sends a clear message: Their feelings don’t matter. It’s also one of the most significant signs of a toxic person. No one likes feeling ignored or unheard, so if your usual approach is to belittle their feelings, rather than trying to understand where they’re coming from, you really need to reconsider your approach. Maybe try listening to them next time? I promise, it’ll make a world of difference.
- You Make Fun of Their Appearance.
Joking about your partner’s appearance, even if you think it’s just a joke, can cut deeper than you realize. Off-the-cuff comments like, “Are you really going to wear that to a party?” or “You need to lose some weight before wearing a dress like that” can leave lasting scars. From your perspective, it’s just a lighthearted joke, but if it’s about something that makes them feel insecure, it’s not funny; it’s cruel. Your partner deserves to feel attractive and special, not taken away.
So, the next time you feel like making a snide comment, ask yourself: Is this actually funny, or am I just trying to be offensive? Compliments and encouragement are always better than unwarranted insults.
- You exploit their insecurities against them.
When an argument is heating up, it’s easy to throw hurtful blows, but triggering your partner’s fears to win a fight is a major warning sign, and one of the biggest signs of a toxic partner. They may have opened up to you about something they’re embarrassed about, and in a moment of frustration, you use it against them. This isn’t just hurtful; it’s betrayal, and a sign of being toxic. Exploiting their insecurities for meager gain is not only cruel, it’s destructive. Instead of sinking to this level, why not try to solve the problem itself? Relationships are about supporting each other’s growth, not criticizing each other.
- You’re hypercritical of everything the other person does.
Are you a toxic person? If this is what you’re doing, you probably are. Yes, no one is perfect, but if you constantly point out your partner’s flaws and mistakes, you’re creating a toxic atmosphere in your relationship.
Do you criticize the way they do laundry? Do you constantly complain that their food has 1% less salt? Do you criticize their traits? This kind of constant criticism can wear anyone down. Occasional constructive criticism is fine, but there’s a difference between helpful feedback and direct criticism of someone. Instead of pointing out mistakes, try acknowledging what they’re doing right. A little appreciation can go a long way.
- You don’t make any effort to connect with their family and friends.
We all have our down times, but if you constantly avoid your partner’s friends or family, you’re not only being unkind to them, but you’re also sending them a harsh message. You need to understand that relationships don’t happen in a vacuum—when you have someone in your life, you need to make an effort with those who love and care about them. While you don’t have to love every friend or relative, refusing to connect with them can come across as condescending. It’s like sending the message, “I don’t really care about the people you care about.” Instead of being mean, try showing a little interest and effort. This doesn’t mean pretending to be enthusiastic, but rather showing that their world is valuable to you, too.
- You put them down just because you make more money than them.
When one partner earns more, it’s easy for things to go wrong, especially when the higher-earning partner uses money as leverage. Are you guilty of this? If so, then you’re definitely doing your partner a disservice. You might make snide comments like, “Well, I paid for it, so I have to make the decision,” or act as if your partner’s financial contribution doesn’t count. When you dismiss their budget concerns, joke about the fact that they earn less than you, or remind them of who earns more, it’s not just rude, it’s insulting. This kind of behavior creates a toxic imbalance, where your partner feels their worth is based on how much money they make. Respect in a relationship means valuing your partner, not their income.
- You make “jokes” that aren’t really jokes. Are you toxic?
One of the biggest signs you’re a toxic partner in a relationship is this. Sarcasm can be fun… until it isn’t. Those little “jokes” about their habits, appearance, or interests? They can be hurtful, especially if your partner has previously told you they don’t find them funny. While humor is essential in a relationship, if you’re making your partner the butt of the joke all the time, it’s time to take a step back and examine yourself. Ask yourself: Is this actually funny, or are you being passive-aggressive? If so, stop. Healthy relationships thrive on kindness and respect, not cheap words disguised as humor. The bottom line: The good news? If you find yourself in any of these signs, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a bad partner. It just means you have work to do, just like everyone else on this planet.
Relationships are about learning and growing, and sometimes that means taking responsibility for your actions when they go wrong. The key is to put in the effort to improve, and if you’ve cared enough to read this far, you’re already on the right track. Have you felt any of these signs that you’re being mean to your partner? Let us know in the comments below!
