Although less than 1% of the population is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, studies show that more than 6% of people are, or 1 in 15 people.

Therefore, there are many undiagnosed narcissists. It’s likely that many people are married to narcissists without even knowing it.

Some narcissists are harder to spot than others, as not all of them are loud and boastful. Some narcissists are also more adept at covering their tracks, especially covert narcissists.

However, narcissists can’t fake much, and their true selves come to the surface, especially with those they spend the most time with. So, if you’re married to a narcissist, you’ll see the signs.

Here are some signs to watch for if you suspect you’re married to a narcissist…

Narcissists: Public and Private Personalities Are Very Different

We all behave differently depending on who’s around us. But narcissists take this to an extreme. Their private personalities at home often differ significantly from their public personas.

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Narcissists typically go out of their way to help their neighbors and casual acquaintances. They are considered some of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. However, at home, they are cold and indifferent, never lifting a finger to help anyone.

Narcissists want to be liked because it boosts their fragile self-esteem and reinforces their illusions of superiority.

Getting new “likes” is a narcissist’s primary concern. It’s not pleasing their loved ones, because pleasing them is boring. They want new “likes” because it reinforces their narcissistic self-esteem.

So, if everyone tells you how great your partner is, and you know the truth is far from it, you may be married to a narcissist.

Narcissists Mood Switches Suddenly

Another sign that your partner is a narcissist is if their mood changes suddenly. A classic example is when they’re in a bad mood at home. Then someone knocks on the door or calls, and their mood immediately improves.

While most of us would put effort into this scenario, narcissists can shift into completely different moods, instantly. Without any gradual cooling-off or calming down. This is because they often feign their emotions.

Related : My Female Narcissist Relationship

Narcissists typically “set” their moods based on those around them and what they want to achieve, not their true feelings.

So they may be in a “bad mood” to punish you, or to pressure you to control you. But they’re not necessarily in a truly bad mood.

So a narcissist may be “moody” all day long—to achieve their goal. Then a neighbor knocks on the door, and everyone starts smiling and joking. Because they’d rather please their neighbor than continue to annoy you.

Then, as soon as they leave, they may immediately return to their bad mood. Unless they forget, which sometimes happens!

Narcissists Make It All About Them

Narcissists make everything about themselves, especially among close family members.

They may talk for hours about their work or regale you with stories from their youth. When you change the subject, they quickly turn it back to themselves. They may accuse you of dominating the conversation, even if you said almost nothing.

If you approach a narcissist with a problem, they will quickly tell you their own. And, of course, their problems are always bigger than yours.

Another clue is that they rarely ask about you, like how your day was or how things are going at work. This is because, quite frankly, they are too self-centered.

Related : How Narcissists Dismiss Your Problems

If you have an ongoing problem, such as a health issue, the narcissist may become a competitor. They create their own problems, which are worse than yours. Just to focus on themselves.

So, if a narcissist always has a “problem” when you have one, or accuses you of being obsessive or overly dramatic, even though you rarely have problems, they may be a narcissist.

They’re Blatantly Overly Critical

Narcissists are often extremely overly critical. They may impose rules on others that they don’t follow, or criticize behaviors they do.

Narcissists are so self-absorbed and delusional that they don’t realize how hypocritical they are. They’re so focused on their own needs and desires. This can make you wonder if there’s something wrong with your own perceptions.

For example, a narcissist might complain about other drivers speeding, then drive like a maniac five minutes later. Or they might complain about their parents neglecting them, then do the exact same thing to their own children.

If you point out their hypocrisy, narcissists will either find devious ways to justify it or get angry and refuse to discuss it. A naturally empathetic person, on the other hand, will be willing to listen, may even validate them, and admit some bias.

Narcissists Don’t Listen

Narcissists are notoriously bad listeners. They expect to do most of the talking, while you passively listen.

When you try to intervene, they may accuse you of interfering, even if they have space for short conversations of no more than ten minutes.

Narcissists may completely ignore you when you ask them a question, never offering an answer. This is because they want to put you in your place and prevent you from thinking you have the right to speak.

You may also notice their eyes rolling when you speak. You can tell they’re thinking about what to say next, rather than listening to what you’re saying. They may also give you generic answers that show no sign of actually hearing you.

Narcissists Hate Loneliness

Most narcissists need attention and hate spending an hour alone.

So, they may text or call you constantly while you’re at work or with friends. They may follow you around the house and pester you to spend time with them.

Related : How Narcissists Smear Their Ex Partners

If you leave them alone, they may become annoying and sabotage your plans. They may start arguments before you leave, or they may desperately reach out to their friends to spend time with them while you’re gone. Anything to avoid being alone.

Everything Is A Competition

Narcissists are known for failing to win and failing to lose. Almost everything is a competition.

They may flip a family game board if they lose, or become constantly gloating if they win.

If they’re at work, a narcissist may talk for hours about how bad their colleagues are, hinting at their superiority.

If you or even your children achieve something, the narcissist may insult and criticize it, rather than praise it. This is because they can’t accept that someone else is “better” than them.

Narcissists find it difficult to give compliments because they expect to get all the credit. They feel uncomfortable when others hog the spotlight.

Conclusion

These are just some signs that someone is a narcissist. But don’t label them harshly.

We all exhibit these behaviors from time to time. Because we are complex beings, we live complex lives. And sometimes we act out of character. The difference with narcissists is that they display these behaviors more strongly and persistently than usual. They’re not really out of character.

However, don’t focus too much on the diagnosis. Instead, ask yourself: Is your life better with them or without them? Whether you’re a narcissist or not, if someone is harming your life, you should seriously consider leaving them.

Your life should be better with someone who truly loves you and wants the best for you. If your life is worse, they probably don’t have your best interests at heart. And why would you allow that?