A person with a victim mentality believes that everyone is against them and that everything is completely out of their control. Playing the victim can hinder one’s potential in life and limit one’s opinion of oneself. But most of us are unable to see the difference between being a victim and playing one. This article sheds light on the signs that someone is playing the victim.
The victim forms relationships with people who empathize with and support the victim mentality. Victim attracts men who abuse her and stick with her until she feels justified in playing the victim. Her behavior tells men that she does not deserve to be loved. Men do not respect her and therefore they dominate, control and abuse her.
The victim appears to be overcoming the emotional pain caused by her abusive boyfriend or husband.
She tolerates and even enables her partner’s hurtful behavior. When her abusive partner dumps her (which he always does), she blames the demise of their relationship on his dysfunctional behavior.
Victim attracts friends who are nurturing, caring, and empathetic to her stories of faltering, failed relationships, and alleged helplessness.
You try to be a good friend and you try to save her from not being able to take care of herself – emotionally and/or financially. The victim makes you in her treatment.
You spend many hours listening to her crying jokes. You comfort her and give her sound advice on how to improve her situation. She rejects your advice and continues her relationship with a toxic and abusive man, berating everyone for her problems and unhappiness.
She drains you with her visible emotions, constant drama, and her resistance to taking responsibility for her self-destructive behavior. If you try to hold her accountable, she will use tears and guilt to control you and even block her friendship.
Read : Break Free From Toxicity: 5 Signs It’s Time To Let Go Of A Relationship
The abuser himself will accept intolerably bad treatment from his partners.
Over and over, Rita committed herself to men who helped her realize her role as a victim. Her boyfriend, Vince, was a cocky, controlling, and emotionally abusive man. Isolate Rita from her friends and family. He degrades her looks and abilities and verbally beats her.
Rita was constantly crying to me about Vince’s deceitful and abusive behaviour. I told Rita to get rid of him. She played the victim card, moaning, “I am stupid. I am ugly. I do not deserve a good man in my life.”
I felt guilty for making Rita feel bad about herself, so I quickly re-promoted. “That’s not true! You are attractive, smart, caring, and funny. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
Rita continued to date Vince, clinging to his hint of marriage as if her life depended on him. She called me day and night, crying about his hurtful behavior, and then one night she called me, sobbing at Vince’s behavior.
Read : How Your Emotional Thinking Excuses The Narcissist’s Toxicity
“I gave him oral sex and when I finished, he told me he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore until after we got married.”
Rita was stunned and deeply wounded. I was angry. “He’s grooming you so he can date other women,” she exclaimed. “Or he’s already seeing another woman. Jerk off!”
Rita refused my advice and stopped contacting me. Three months later, Vince cruelly dumps Rita, taking on the role of an innocent, helpless victim. Is that you or someone you know?
7 Signs Someone Is Playing The Victim Role
- They don’t take responsibility.
The victim blames others for her problems and failed relationships. She complains that her boss is demanding and unreasonable. Her friend stabbed her in the back. Her boyfriend was the only cause of problems in her relationship. At first, you believe your friend’s stories about her abusive boyfriend and then you realize that she usually dates men who abuse her. - They are manipulative.
The victim uses her steamy stories to play on your caring and compassionate nature to gain your sympathy and support. She uses guilt and deceptive coercion to influence you and win your loyalty to turn you against the people she believes wronged her. - They are emotionally exhausted.
At first, you feel good about helping your girlfriend in her unfortunate circumstances — but it creates neediness and a crippling dependence on friends or co-workers. Her refusal to take responsibility for her behavior that contributes to her problems saps your patience, energy, and emotions. - They are stuck in their lives.
Victims believe they are powerless in their lives and will give you a list of reasons why they are frozen in life. You give her suggestions on how to improve her quality of life but she ignores your ideas.
Read : 10 Unexpected Things To Expect After Leaving A Toxic Relationship
- They hold grudges.
The victim puts others down and finds fault with people to gain a sense of superiority. If you fall from her graces, she will harbor grievances against you and secretly seek revenge. - They find it difficult to be assertive.
The victim struggles to ask for what she wants and needs in life. She lacks the boundaries of a healthy relationship and is unable to stand up to someone who is abusing her.
- They will cut you out of their lives.
If you try to get her to see the truth about her hurtful behavior, she will suddenly and categorically cut you out of her life, and then she will shatter you to others to get people to side with her.
In short, Rita focused on her traumatic past, telling sad stories about her childhood and marriage. She blamed everyone and everything for her life’s problems. She was extremely suspicious of others and stirred up gossip to turn her friends against someone she imagined had mistreated her.
She held her boyfriend responsible for her toxic relationship, yet was afraid to stand up to his abuse because she feared his anger or that he would abandon her. When I tried to get her to face the truth about her irresponsible and self-destructive behavior, she immediately cut me off from life and started telling her problems to another friend.
