A lack of empathy makes it difficult to enter into a meaningful relationship with someone. Being empathetic is an innate human quality, as we can value the feelings of others, regardless of whether those feelings affect us as well. What about those who lack empathy?
Why do some people lack empathy?
An inability to show empathy is often associated with lower emotional intelligence. This means that if someone in your life seems unable to communicate how you are feeling, it may not be intentional.
Having low emotional intelligence means that the person does not have the resources to understand feelings outside of their own experience. This is similar to a very young child who has not yet reached emotional maturity. They are the center of their universe and don’t feel a reaction when someone else is emotional.
In other cases, having little or no empathy may be characteristic of a narcissistic person or someone with an antisocial behavior condition.
Signs of people who lack empathy and examples of their behavior in everyday life:
- Lack of close relationships
A person who is unable to relate to others will find it very difficult to have long-term relationships. They may have no or very few friends and struggle to maintain bonds even with their immediate family members. This is because the lack of empathy extends to everyone. Thus, they may not feel the emotional bond or family connection that most of us experience.
Have you ever had a colleague who never contributed to a birthday kit, or wouldn’t bother to sign a card for a sick colleague? Perhaps they don’t know why to bother themselves with other people’s concerns.
- Unusual responses to grief
A lack of empathy can show up in times of trouble. If you’ve experienced bereavement, and someone in your life doesn’t seem to care or offer any kind of condolences, they probably can’t handle your grief.
For example, if you lose a pet that you loved very much, most people will feel sorry for you and understand the grief and loss you will feel. Someone who doesn’t have any empathy won’t understand why you’re upset, and may make unkind comments.
- The inability to share the happiness of others
Here is another example of typical behavior of someone who lacks empathy. If you’ve just had a baby, celebrated graduation, or become engaged, your friends, colleagues, and family will be delighted! If someone doesn’t seem particularly interested or doesn’t offer congratulations, they may lack the empathy to appreciate your happiness.
It is a sad by-product that someone experiencing this is unable to share the joy of others. It works in a similar way to being unable to relate to grief.
- A strong set of irrefutable personal beliefs
An individual who cannot relate to emotions often has a very firm stance on their own beliefs. Thus, they will find it very difficult to accept that they could be wrong in any situation. If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone arguing that black is white – apparently for the sake of it – they may simply lack the ability to connect with your argument.
The lack of any kind of emotional maturity makes a person unable to reconsider their thoughts, or to understand that they may not be right.
- cocky
With the absence of empathy comes a strong sense of self. A person who cannot empathize is likely to be extremely selfish, prioritizing themselves in every situation. People may have an inflated ego for many reasons. However, in the case of those with low emotional intelligence, this stems from emotional immaturity.
So an emotionally immature adult often behaves in a childish manner. These types of people crave attention all the time, act irresponsibly and can’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes. This can apply to anything, and some examples of this behavior include pushing in line at a coffee shop for clumsy driving.
- A sense of entitlement
This trait is particularly noticeable in group dynamics. A person who lacks empathy often talks about themselves endlessly. They will ignore any turn in the conversation that doesn’t focus on them. This behavior is known as conversational narcissism, and many people can have it without actually being a narcissist.
You may know some examples of such people in your life. You may notice that a friend will continually ask for their favors, without any expectation of a return. It may be that they simply do not understand why similar efforts should be invested in the relationship, and they do not think about how their actions will affect how you feel.
- An awkward reaction to emotion
While there are many reasons why people find it difficult to know how to respond to an emotion, people who cannot form an emotional connection will struggle to react in an appropriate way.
Sometimes, the emotional outbursts can be over the top, and potentially embarrassing. However, hiding your feelings is never healthy, and a few tears to deal with a stressful situation is a normal reaction. People who cannot empathize will not know what to do in the circumstance, and will often try to distance themselves completely.
A life without empathy
It can be difficult trying to get along with someone who doesn’t seem to care about anything but themselves, as can it be someone who doesn’t understand the basic human reaction to empathy.
Not being able to relate to your partner, not understanding why people feel a certain way, not being able to consider any thought process other than your way of thinking is a very lonely way to live.
