Being the oldest sibling can be tough. After all, you were the Guinea pig, the one your parents used to learn how to be a parent. I guess that sounds kind of mean but think about it. Unless your parents worked at daycares or one of them babysit other children, when you, the oldest child came along, they were clueless. This started the oldest child syndrome.
This issue, although it sounds sad, helps our parents become better at raising you and your siblings.
There is a positive and negative side
Yes, this problem has both good and bad sides because you get all the attention and don’t have to share toys. But perhaps something less attractive has evolved from this place in your family. Being the eldest child seems to carry great power, but it can also create problems. So, are you the oldest child?
Signs that you have older child syndrome:
- Being an overachiever
Firstborns are often perfectionists. They begin to pick up on the feelings that everyone expects certain things from them. These are just normal feelings, but an older child who is an overachiever will set expectations too high. They want to make you, the parent, proud of them and they will go to great lengths to do so.
This situation, although stressful, can ultimately lead to success in their lives. They will excel in their studies and in sports, and will not stop until they feel that nothing is lacking in their endeavors.
- You get harsher penalties
As the older child, parents not only take more pictures, buy more toys, but also impose harsher punishments. Harsher than what, you might ask?
The older child will endure punishments that younger siblings will not endure years later. By the time baby #2 and #3 arrive, the parents will have become a bit lenient. It’s unfair, but that’s the way it goes, and yes, you have older child syndrome.
- There are no concessions
Guess what, you may have the syndrome of being the eldest child, but you also have brand new clothes, unless someone outside the family gives you some things. Otherwise everything you wear will be yours first. You will not hand over these clothes to them until your brothers come.
You’ll feel great if you take the time to think about it. Sometimes you might brag too much about it.
- He secretly hates younger siblings
First child – always gets first of everything else too. They are cuddled all the time, played with, and have the best bedtime stories. Then suddenly a new baby comes along, and things start to change.
The mother cannot devote as much time with them as before. She has to distribute love to two people now. Just wait until there’s a third. Oh, how the eldest resents the birth of his siblings. The good news is that they usually love them as they grow older.
- They are serious and sometimes aloof
The older child is serious about most things and also likes to be alone. This is the case before siblings come along and especially after. This is not due to anger or depression, it is just part of their personality.
My eldest son liked to be alone, and he was not able to make many friends until he entered high school. He may or may not have had older child syndrome.
- Either they are strong-willed or vice versa
The older child can have a strong will and be very independent. On the other hand, they can also be dependent on everyone, fearful and always trying to please everyone. Therefore, when the second child comes, the eldest child will be either rebellious or obedient. - He loves working as a teacher
The eldest child loves the role of teacher to his younger siblings. While it is good to have a private tutor at home, an older child may be teaching some less than delicious lessons to his younger sisters or brothers.
However, when an older child teaches his or her siblings different things, when they learn that they are wrong, it helps them grow. Unfortunately, it can affect the minds of younger children.
How can an older child overcome this syndrome?
The way your older child is behaving does not have to be a syndrome, but it may be. There are positive things that the oldest member of the family can do in order to take advantage of his or her child’s abilities.
Encourage your older child to help with household chores without depriving him of playtime. Convince them to learn balance.
Make sure to give your child credit when they do something good. Since older children have perfectionist attitudes, try to notice the little things so they see that your expectations are met in them.
Make sure privileges are granted. Even though it’s your first child that you’re hovering over and trying to protect, let him do some things on his own. Set an age when they can do things differently and feel more mature.
Don’t forget to spend quality time with every child, especially the older ones. This prevents the older child from thinking that his time with you is over.
Is it really a syndrome or just a way of thinking?
In fact, I think that each child, whether they are the eldest, somewhere in the middle, or perhaps the youngest in the clan, will have a different set of characteristics. It’s hard to raise children the same way. In fact, this is impossible. You simply cannot do the same things for your younger middle child as you did for your older child. This is because, like them, you are growing too – you are growing as a parent.
So, if your child shows signs of older baby syndrome, don’t be alarmed. Just help them use their quirks and strengths.
If you are an adult and are still struggling with this, you can still view your behavior as your strengths. Adults, take a look at those signs above and ask yourselves: “Do I have Older Child Syndrome?” Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Only then can you deal with the problem in the right way.
