Do you always place a high value on others’ opinions or please others before yourself? You may be showing signs of approval-seeking behavior.
Why do we strive to please others?
Of course, we all love approval. It reinforces that what we are doing is right. It builds our self-esteem. We feel confident when someone agrees with us. When they congratulate us on a good project.
We feel validated when our family approves of our latest partner. If our boss notices the long hours we spend at work, we go home with a feeling of accomplishment. Overall, the approval of others does a lot for our confidence.
In fact, it helps shape our identity. For example, in school, I was a shy fish out of water. I had no friends and ran away twice because I felt miserable. One day, I went to my first history lesson and met the teacher.
Over time, she convinced me to come out of my shell; He encourages me to speak out in class and be myself. It started to flourish. I knew she wanted to help me, so I tried harder than I ever could on her side.
In one week, I was able to get the highest grade in the class for my essay. Her approval gave me the confidence to know that I could do well in other subjects.
This is the positive effect that approval-seeking behavior can have on people. When you put in the extra effort required to improve yourself. However, there is another side to this type of behavior. When our consent-seeking behavior has no benefit to us. So what types of approval-seeking behaviors am I talking about?
Here are 7 signs of unhealthy approval-seeking behavior:
You always say yes to people
We all want to be loved. Some of us think this means we always have to say yes when people ask us to do something for them. In fact, it takes some courage to say: “Actually, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that right now.”
Whether it’s your boss who always expects you to work the late shift or your partner who never does chores. Saying yes all the time doesn’t earn you respect. It certainly doesn’t make others think you’re a nice person.
So, next time someone tries to take advantage, give it a try if you can’t bring yourself to say no. Simply tell them that you will need to think about it and you will let them know.
You change your mind depending on who you are with
I have a friend who would start on one side of an argument and then end up on my side. Now, I’m not blowing my own trumpet here. I’m not a great storyteller like Gore Vidal. I’m also not particularly known for my great debating style. And I’m not saying that I’m always right.
In fact, my friend has a habit of changing her mind with anyone she talks to. You’ll start with a fairly innocuous statement to test the audience. Once she has some audience, she will become more and more vocal in her opinions.
The sad thing is that she thinks she fits in with the rest of us. But we all know what to do. There’s nothing wrong with having a strong opinion, as long as you’re open to other ideas.
Acting in a way that conflicts with your beliefs
All we have is who we are. We all know the sayings. Things like “You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” Well, guess what, it’s true. So, if you act fake, how can anyone know your true self?
There is something very attractive about a person who likes his personality. Someone who is happy and content in his own skin. Someone who is happy to share their opinions; Someone who listens to others and gives their knowledge. Someone who is not afraid to let others know who they are. Be that person.
It’s much more attractive than a chameleon that bends and changes to suit everyone.
Pretending to know what the other person is talking about
I purchased a used car two years ago from a used car dealer. As we were finalizing the details, he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a writer and said I had written a book.
He asked about the topic. I said the topic revolves around the HAARP Institute in Alaska, and has he heard of it? Oh yes, he said. I was surprised. No one had ever heard of it before. I knew from the way his eyes panicked for a moment that he wasn’t.
The thing is, I didn’t expect him to know. He wouldn’t have looked ridiculous if he said he didn’t know. In fact, it’s an interesting topic and I could have told him about it if he had asked me. Perhaps he showed this type of approval-seeking behavior because he wanted me to buy the car.
Remember that no one can know everything about everything. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Make a global tragedy all about you
When a bombing occurred at a concert in Manchester in 2017, many people took to social media to vent their grief and anger. After some time I discovered that a neighbor had attended the party. She did not post anything on Facebook. You didn’t represent anything. She spoke to me privately about the bravery of the police and emergency services.
On the other hand, a friend of a friend posted, in dramatic fashion, on the day of the attack that she was due to go to Manchester that day but had come down with a cold so she stayed home. She wasn’t going to the concert. It was simply meant to work in Manchester. Comments included: “I’m so grateful you didn’t go, honey!” and “Oh my God, your family must be so grateful!”
Trying to make everything about you is not the way to get approval. Showing compassion for others is.
Gossiping behind people’s backs
This is the type of approval-seeking behavior that is particularly insidious. Of course, we all talk about people when they are not with us, but there is a difference if we are offending someone. I always think that if someone is happy to spread gossip about a friend of mine behind his back, then they are perfectly willing to do it for me.
If you have to raise your self-esteem by running over all your friends, shame on you. I will respect the person who stood up for his friend much more than the person who spreads gossip. Loyalty is a much better quality than getting a knife in the back.
Hunting for compliments/attention
In today’s society, compliment hunting has become a national sport. In fact, it’s so acceptable that we don’t think about the endless stream of edited selfies. We are quick to comment, “Are you okay, Hun?” When we see a hospital picture of a hand stuck in the cannula, but without an explanation. We frantically send messages after reading posts like “I can’t take this anymore.”
truly? Children are starving, there are wars happening all over the world, animals are suffering, and you want attention? Do you want people to like your latest photo? If this is you, why not try building your self-esteem by doing things that make you feel good instead. You don’t need approval from other people. be yourself.
