Everyone gets angry sometimes, and that’s just part of the human experience. Hopefully it’s justified, balanced, based on a real reason, and that the person is still in control enough to say, “I’m angry because.”
Then, there are individuals who become angrier than the situation seems to warrant – so angry that others do not feel safe. These people are particularly prone to anger at anything that may seem to them to threaten their sense of self or self-esteem.
But there is a big difference between the normal expression of anger and what is known as narcissistic anger.
What is narcissistic anger?
Narcissistic rage is a sudden outburst of intense aggression and anger as a result of the narcissist’s feelings of disappointment, negative feedback, difficulties, or even mild discomfort. These outbursts can become violent and lead to physical attacks, gaslighting, and verbal abuse.
The term was first coined in 1972 by author Heinz Kohut in an article he wrote entitled “Thoughts on Narcissism and Narcissistic Anger.”
Since people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) expect positive comments and constant praise, any of the above insults essentially destroy the illusion of superiority and deservingness.
What are the causes of narcissistic anger?
While narcissistic personality disorder is the underlying cause of narcissistic rage, other causes can include genetics and childhood trauma or abuse. However, these are not limiting factors. Low self-esteem is a major cause.
Narcissistic rage can be a result of narcissistic injury, which occurs when the narcissist believes his self-worth or self-confidence is threatened, leading to his “fake” persona being exposed to others.
Additional triggers can include criticism, taking responsibility for their actions, not receiving the attention they desire, calling out their manipulative tactics, feeling out of control, or not getting what they want.
Related: The Devastating Reality Of Falling In Love With A Narcissist
7 Signs of narcissistic rage
- Narcissistic tendencies or personality traits
This can include self-aggrandizement, a clear sense of self-worth, selfish behavior, and placing their own needs and desires above the needs and desires of others.
Narcissists often belittle others to make themselves look better in their eyes. If the narcissists you’ve seen in movies or in general life remind you of your friend or partner, this is a clue.
- Expressing disagreement with groups of people to which they do not belong
Narcissists often express racism or other forms of bigotry. The need to be “the best” extends to their group, no matter what it is.
The more intense an individual’s narcissism is, the more he feels he is not getting the accolades, money, or other reward he deserves, and the more obvious and bad this becomes.
- Not responding well to supervision at work from “lesser” people.
Even if they did what their supervisor asked them to do, how would they describe the person and the incident? Are they still angry hours later?
While a person without narcissistic issues may be angry at real injustice, a narcissist will be angry at relatively minor corrections or diktats.
Have they lost their jobs because they refuse to do what a supervisor tells them to do, or do they suffer from tantrums or anger at work? These are serious warning signs.
- Extreme road rage
How do they behave behind the wheel if they get cut off the road or someone honks at them? Do they speed up, honk the horn, “flip the bird,” or do anything else that seems dangerous? Did they cause any accidents in this way or threaten anyone with physical harm?
Another example could include you running off the road because your car was driving “too close” to their car.
Related: Narcissists Are Actually Empaths — That’s How They Get Exactly What They Want
- Not viewing children as complete human beings
If they have children in their lives, how do they treat them? Narcissists generally do not see others, especially children, as full human beings. They exist solely to satisfy the narcissist’s needs.
Do they play bad tricks, call the kids names, or ignore them, then say they were just playing or that the kid is “too sensitive” or something? Do they expect high grades and/or athletic ability or other traits from children beyond the level of intellect?
This would reflect glory on them, if it was in an area the narcissist was interested in.
- Respond negatively when others disagree
How do they deal with disagreement with you? Does it depend on the subject of the dispute?
In other words, a narcissist will become noticeably angrier when someone disagrees with them about something they consider to be a reflection of them, but in reality they don’t mind what you do or think in other areas.
For example, in a relationship, when you choose an activity or even a job, it probably won’t bring much anger. But they may become angry if you don’t want to entertain their friends or dress the way they like at the party.
How do they react when you disagree about something that really matters to them? Do they insult or threaten you in some way? Do you avoid those conflicts and “move on” out of fear or fatigue?
- Frequent conflicts with the law
This can include aggression, fighting, road rage, or any other form of disorderly behavior. Was it because their egos were bruised in some way?
Narcissists often have difficulty controlling their anger in social or public situations in which they feel they are not getting the respect they deserve. Alcohol can add to this particular problem.
