Are you wondering how to know when to break up with a toxic partner?
No one enjoys a breakup, but sometimes, figuring out how to break up with someone is important for your happiness and their happiness, too — especially if you’re in a toxic relationship.
There may be times in your life when you are dating someone who has narcissistic traits, or they are simply unhealthy for you, or you are not right for each other. In such a situation, which is better: separating or staying?
Related: Why People With These 3 Personality Traits Are The Hardest To Love
The answer is that breakups can be healthy for you, and when you’re stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you or isn’t right for you, you may be hurting yourself by choosing to stay.
About a year ago, I had a conversation with a 70-year-old man who was dating my 50-year-old friend. He has been married and divorced twice, has children, and has had a successful career in the entertainment industry.
He lived, partied, and was on his way to living a quiet life where he and my friend took a few trips a year.
Our conversation centered around relationships, and he said something that shocked me: “You can waste time being with the wrong person.”
Suddenly, I realized how futile it was to try to “make it work.” When it’s time to “make it work” it’s time to get out.
However, the discernment it takes to choose whether to persevere or end a relationship is rare among the parties involved. This means that your attachments affect your judgment.
So, here are 7 reasons why it’s best to put a bad relationship in the rearview mirror and learn how to survive a breakup:
- To put an end to narcissistic abuse
To put an end to something, you have to know what it is. One powerful mindfulness technique is to “name” thoughts or feelings as they arise. Once you name something, it changes the relationship you have with it.
A narcissist is someone who lacks empathy; In fact, they are fake. The part of their neurobiology that guides them to how others feel has been damaged, most likely by years of abuse and insult from a parent or person who abandoned the family.
Narcissists are often charming and attract their victims through what is called “love bombing” or “idealization.” It’s everything the victim finds romantic and satisfying, but it’s just a trick.
What happens is that the narcissist feeds off his victim’s energy. The void of insecurity that lives inside a narcissist can never be filled – especially by someone who is codependent and only trying to “love them until they change.”
Once the narcissist feels as if his victim is a drug addict, the insults begin. They’re precise at first and take away the pain you felt during your idealization phase.
These insults are often dismissed with the excuse that “he’s having a bad day.”
Narcissists have no real friends. They have people who put up with them, often in a work environment, a string of “crazy exes,” and delusions of grandeur.
The narcissist’s appeal is the way he makes you feel special, thus separating you from friends and family. Then you start to depend on them like an asthma patient who uses an inhaler.
Soon they start lying, sidestepping, cheating, hiding information, and making you crazy for feelings other than looking at them as gods.
Women can go into deep states of depression trying to keep these relationships alive. And when they look back, there were sweet moments. However, if they look deeper, the narcissist did not organize those moments but only pretended to participate. This gave them a feeling of deep connection.
So, by the time you wake up using toxic substances, that’s when you’re eliminated. When it gets to this point, you are a wreck, and on top of that, the narcissist can call the victim crazy to whomever he next moves on to.
Because you’re a wreck, being called crazy often applies when what’s going on is that you’re trying to piece together the scraps of your mind that were removed throughout the relationship.
Therefore, break up without hesitation from anyone who insults you. Don’t try to fix them, get them to see your point of view, or get them to read articles about “how to have a healthy relationship.”
If anyone, even jokingly, calls you fat, stupid, or old, or says something to the effect of, “I’m the only one who’ll put up with you,” get out and never look back! It will save your life!
You need grace and compassion to become a better version of yourself. The version that doesn’t match your wounds, but is there in your worth. You can be a victim of existence, or you can become a co-creator of your reality.
Detachment is a tool for knowing what you need and what you don’t need. It also creates space for true transformation paths.
- Separation can teach children to cope with loss
Many people stay together “for the sake of the children.” Sometimes this is noble and necessary. However, loss is part of life.
So, when it is time for a spouse to leave and there must be joint custody, instead of allowing bitterness to take over, this may be the time to show true courage so that the children understand how to overcome loss.
This is a great gift to give them because they will use it all their lives.
- You will have the opportunity to invest time in developing yourself
As my friend said: “You can waste time.” So, taking the time to know how you spend it can make a huge difference in the quality of your existence. Simply put, an unexamined life is not worth living.
Again, very few people aim to destroy your beliefs as a goal of entering into a romantic relationship. However, this is what will happen. You’ll be forced to look at yourself, and if you’re not ready to do that, it’s better to be single.
Real relationships are spiritual journeys, so it’s okay to try and fail. Then fail and learn. Know that when separation is done for the right reasons, it can save lives.
