Five years, two hundred and fifty-two days.

That’s how long my fight lasted. And I’m not counting the time we’ve done well.

I don’t take into account when we met and fell in love. It’s not fair because I really enjoyed spending time with him at first.

Even after everything bad that happened, those memories will always belong in the happy pile in my mind.

The story starts out like no other story you’ve heard so far. And yes…if you’re wondering…it always starts out the same way. There are really no exceptions.

A handsome and charming man will attract your attention within seconds. At that very moment, you know he’s aiming Cupid’s arrow directly at you.

At that moment, you can feel like the center of his attention. And let’s face it, you liked it.

This is the feeling that surprises you. You can’t wake up from this beautiful dream, no way.

In that moment, you imagine that you are together with a family, living a fantasy life, and everything is perfect.

Makessureyoucontinuebelieveit.

If it’s necessary, he’ll turn into someone else completely just to keep up his charade.

If necessary, he’ll turn into someone else entirely just to continue his charade.
He plays a nice, caring guy for one reason only: to lure you deeper into his trap.

He will be the nicest man you will ever meet. It would be too perfect to be real, and yet it stands before you.

Little by little things start to change.

The “perfect forever man” will start to slip every now and then.

Naturally, you will not give much importance to these occasional changes in behavior. You’ll find excuses every time, and somehow it won’t be his fault.

The point is that you would rather blame yourself for “unconsciously” provoking him to act inappropriately than accept that maybe he’s not a good guy.

When this realization comes to you… it is too late to leave.

You will already be in his network, under his complete control.

He knows how you breathe, what you’ll say next, and how you’ll react. This is how it plays out without you even realizing it.

I don’t make things up. I write from experience, from the horror I lived through for 5 long years. You can’t make this shit up! This is impossible.

Here’s why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long:

1. My thoughts have been tampered with
   After a while, he started bothering me so much that I had no idea what was going on.

She was brainwashed and definitely afraid… very afraid of his reactions and behavior. Lying seemed a better option than telling the truth.

The thing is that lies always come out sooner or later which may create a worse situation.

All victims of emotional abuse go through a period of guilt and despair. This is a result of partner abuse.

After the constant abuse, I started to believe that I would achieve it all. I really thought I was to blame for his behavior.

When your thoughts are manipulated, when you actually start to believe that you are worth nothing, the rest becomes easy.

Everyone knows that words don’t leave bruises, and no one can see the psychological damage someone has caused you.

2. I felt embarrassed and ashamed
   There were glimpses of reality flashing before my eyes at that time. There were moments when I knew what was happening.

Maybe it’s part of the denial, maybe it’s the hope that it will go away soon, but accepting the truth was the last thing on my mind.

In those moments when I knew I was being abused, I felt extremely ashamed. My mind was disturbed by the truth: “How could I let this happen?” I was afraid that the people who loved me wouldn’t accept me again.

I was worried that they would judge me for choosing him and not realize that he was nothing more than a weak and manipulative man.

3. I was very afraid
   It couldn’t be simpler, I was afraid of it. I was afraid of his actions, his reactions and his actions.

I was afraid he would hurt me physically. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time he tried to assault me…or succeeded.

I hid the bruises on my neck and back well. No one had any idea what was happening behind our closed door.

No one but me knows the whole truth to this day.

My life was projected onto my dreams. I had terrible nightmares. I dreamed that he was chasing me like a monster. In my dreams, he was merciless and unstoppable.

He chased me around the forest for days. In my nightmares, it seemed like he never got tired, and the pain lasted for days.

Well, that’s just a metaphor for what was happening in real life.

4. My self-esteem was close to zero
   Maybe even below zero. Let me tell you what happened.

Everyone has insecurities – even that girl you saw every day looking so confident – yes, even she has insecurities. The problem is that she handles them better than you do.

What I’m actually saying is that you can’t escape your insecurities, but you can accept them.

You can embrace your flaws because they are what make you unique. I didn’t know that at the time, and I allowed him to use my weaknesses against me.

He belittled me in every way he knew how. He made fun of my appearance, my ability, and my intelligence.

He did everything he could to squash me like a bug, both physically and emotionally. It is unfortunate that he did that.

5. I had no other financial option
   When we first started our relationship, money had no role in the problems slowly arising.

Honestly, I had no idea how I ended up broke and without any idea of my own accounts. It happened very quickly. It happened because I trusted him blindly.

The point is when I started to wake up, when I actually realized the abuse I was being subjected to, I couldn’t escape.

I had no way to escape. I was broke and alone. Moreover, he realized that I was starting to slip away from his grasp, so he used more manipulation to get me to his side.

6. I was living in an invisible prison

I was free to go anywhere I wanted, but in reality, I was controlled every step of the way. One wrong move and you must pay the price.

I paid the price for all my “mistakes”.

7. He is cursed with love

Let’s face it. Without love none of this would have happened. I have to say that now, when I no longer felt ashamed or embarrassed, I loved him.

I am truly someone who has fallen in love with my abuser. And you know what? I’m not sorry, and I know it wasn’t my fault.

People can’t choose who they fall in love with. My heart chose an evil man, but my heart escaped his grasp in the end.