7 phrases that seem harmless but are actually loaded with judgment

I’ve heard it before: communication is the key.

But that’s much easier said than done. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what people want to say with their words alone.

For example, some common phrases may seem completely harmless, but if you look deeper into them, then in fact it is a beautiful judgment.

They are most commonly used by passive-aggressive people or those who rely on the implied rather than the literal meaning of the phrase.

This article lists 7 phrases that seem harmless but are already loaded with judgment so that you can better judge how a person feels about you.

1) “No crime…”

This phrase is often followed by the word ” but.”

My grandfather once told me that people often don’t mean words by “but.”They mean only what is said after” but.”

And nothing embodies this adage more than “no offense.”

By preemptively saying “no offense,” people are denying your right to be offended—even if they say something offensive.

In my opinion, they are too lazy to find the right words to express their feelings in a more respectful, caring, and sympathetic way.

And you know what? You’ve probably used this phrase before too! I know I have.

So the next time you find yourself about to use this phrase, step back and double-check your intentions directly.

Has your feedback been requested or welcomed?
Is it necessary or useful?
Are you saying that constructively and sympathetically?
And you know what?

This pretty much applies to all the phrases on this list because we’ve said them all at least a few times before.

2) “Go ahead…”

It means: “It’s better not to do it again. Never.”

Or “Next time, do as I say.”

For further clarification, it is used to brush the problem under the carpet.

Instead of discussing the problem directly, a person uses this phrase to avoid doing exactly that.

By focusing on the future, they don’t have to explain why there is a problem with what you did. They also deprive you of your right to reply, apologize, or explain your side.

They claim to have the final say on things instead of trying to reach an agreement or compromise on the issue.

3) “Do what you want”

Well, this phrase can be quite innocuous when used in a friendly situation.

“What hair color should I get?”

“Do whatever you want! I think anything suits you.”

Something like that. In this case, it is used quite supportive.

But if used in an argument?

When a person uses this phrase in a hot moment, he is probably asking you to do what he wants you to do…

Do whatever you want! Because I gave up trying to make you do it.

They throw their hands in the air and make fun of your freedom to do anything at the same time.

They probably resent you for doing exactly what you want.

I still remember when my parents used this phrase against me when I told them that I took a different university specialty than they wanted.

There can be a lot of emotion in this phrase! So, be careful if you want to use it too!

4) “You are very sensitive…”

Honestly, this is probably just an offensive direct follow-up of passive-aggressive.

Many people don’t think it’s offensive when it actually is.

By telling you that you are too sensitive, someone is basically nullifying your feelings. They are telling you that you cannot or should not feel the way you feel.

In fact, people often use it to rid themselves of any accountability after doing or saying something wrong.

Then, when you tell them how they were hurt, they will tell you that you are too sensitive or too emotional to avoid having to admit their mistakes and apologize.

Very annoying!

5) “It seems that you have everything figured out”

This is usually used when catching up with an old acquaintance or friend.

It is often used immediately after telling them what you are doing in life, which may include sharing any achievements or improvements you have made since you last met.

When they use this phrase, they are trying to undermine your life choices or successes.

Why?: Well, they may feel bitter or jealous.

It’s a way for them to hide—and even distract-their fears from you.

But they can also relate to current events.

For example, right after a business meeting where I proposed a project that our bosses liked, my colleague told me exactly this phrase.

Many people think that this is a compliment (I know I did), but take note of how people say it.

The tone of their voice can reveal their true intentions.

6) ” I mean, if you wish…”

Another phrase that really depends on the tone of voice is used by people who are not entirely happy with other people’s options.

On the one hand, if said in a friendly way, it can be a way to indicate that while they will not do the same, they respect your choice.

But if one says it in an angry voice, for example, and then hits differently, does he do it?

To be honest, I think it’s much better to say it directly: “It’s not something I’m going to do myself, but if you’re happy about it, I’m glad you’re happy.”

7 )”It’s just a joke”

I admit that I am completely guilty of using this phrase as an excuse to hurt someone else’s feelings.

It can certainly be very difficult to draw the line between mild harassment and hitting someone else’s really sensitive points.

And sometimes, we don’t even mean to hurt someone! Sometimes, we just realize that we went too far after doing it.

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In these cases, we need to refrain from using this phrase.

Like other entries on this list, it effectively nullifies the right of a person to feel what he feels. It’s also a way for us to avoid accountability and apologize.

Even worse, it is when one uses it intentionally. When they use” it’s just a joke “or” I’m just kidding ” in this way, they mean to hurt you and make fun of you.

Features of passive-aggressive people

Passive aggressive people usually have traits that include, but are not limited to:

Inconsistent communication

Their words, body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions do not match.

A common example is when they say, ” Gee, thanks!”While rolling their eyes and walking away. They are not thankful for what they have done.

They use “silent therapy”

Sometimes, not saying anything at all says a lot.

Using silent therapy, they want you to know that they are upset, but they don’t want to explicitly emphasize that they are angry.

By doing this, they can pretend that there is nothing wrong, all while figuring out how to solve the problem yourself.

Subversive tendencies

The passive-aggressive attitude of a person is not limited to his words. Their actions can be passive-aggressive, too.

For example, they may offer to help you set up your party, but they will secretly do things like give people the wrong address or pretend to “forget” to invite some of your other friends.

Frowning, blowing, sighing, crossing arms, etc.

A passive-aggressive person is very dependent on non-verbal communication. They may sigh, shake their heads, frown, roll their eyes, or do other things to signal disappointment while never talking to you about it.

How to communicate in a more healthy way

Do you think you have been passive-aggressive in the past?

Honestly, I think most of us are, at least in some ways and at times.

It’s a very common behavior. After all, sometimes we feel that it is too much of a burden to explain ourselves deeply, so we resort to a quick, passive-aggressive response.

Here are some tips to help you reduce passive-aggressive behavior.

1) assume that people have good intentions.

A lot of the time, we tend to act passive-aggressively as a reaction to what we think is passive-aggressive behavior from other people.

Often, it is better to assume that they are real. In both cases, even if they are passive-aggressive, being passive-aggressive only escalates tension.

If you’re not sure, ask them directly if they’re upset or passive-aggressive.

2) openness to confrontation and difficult conversations.

People often resort to passive-aggressiveness because they want to avoid confrontations and difficult conversations. It’s a way to brush problems under the carpet.

Truth be told, confrontations are a difficult but necessary part of maintaining healthy relationships.

While confrontations also have a negative reputation, it is quite possible to get them respectfully and sympathetically.

3) avoid shadows or silent treatment

Not responding to someone closes the door to any possible reconciliation. If you need some time alone to think about things before you can respond, let them know.

This applies to both face-to-face and online interactions!

4) understand that you have the right to be angry

Anger is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, things happen that justify—or even entail-anger. For example, when you are subjected to severe injustice.

You have the right to express this anger (in a harmless way, of course). Being passive-aggressive is equivalent to mobilizing that anger, making you feel worse in the long run.

5) realize that you need to change.

You can not change if you do not accept what you need to change!

Know that the” passive ” part of passive aggression does not make the aggressive part less aggressive. Most importantly, you should know that continuing to behave this way will only gradually worsen your relationships.

The bottom line

If you have been passive-aggressive in the past, don’t worry too much. We’ve all done it!

We just need to move forward with our communication habits more deliberately. We have to keep in mind that passive-aggressiveness only strengthens stress and resentment.